Random Thoughts from a Newbie Blogger

(Not So) Extreme Makeover: Me Edition -- Week 12

2009-05-20T15:24:00.005-04:00

Ever hear a song that just grabs you? Screams at you? "Hey, You over there!! Pay attention, this was written for you!" I've had songs like that in the past but the latest one came yesterday. Yes, I'm 33 years old and yes, I (heart) Miley Cyrus...

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The Climb (performed by Miley Cyrus)

I can almost see it, that dream I'm dreaming

But there's a voice inside my head sayin', "you'll never reach it."

Every step I'm taking, every move I make

Feels lost with no direction, my faith is shaking

But I got to keep trying, got to keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing, the chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down but, no I'm not breaking

I may not know it, but these are the moments

That I'm going to remember most yeah, Just got to keep going

And I, I got to be strong, just keep pushing on, 'cause

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

Keep on moving, Keep climbing, Keep the faith, It's all about The Climb

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Here are my updates for the week:

1. Find and read a book to better myself. At long last, I have finished The Shack. It was amazing. Amazing. I don't even have the words to describe this book. I can see why some people might think it's controversial, but it offers such a great perspective on God, especially in the midst of tragedy. Regardless of your religious beliefs, I think this is a must read. Whether you agree or disagree with what goes on, it'll certainly open your eyes. There is no book I've ever read that I would recommend more highly. There is a lot to digest, a lot to think about and ponder and mull over. But no doubt, I am already a better person for having read it. THANK YOU to my friend Brenda for sending it my way!

2. Simplify. I'm working on it.... Refer to song lyrics, above.... More to post next week, I hope!

3. Devise and implement a summer household organization plan. How hard is it to find baskets?!? I have looked in a few places and of course, I have a picture in my head of the exact baskets that I can not live without in order to organize my home / life / family for the summer. Wish I knew how to make baskets because apparently, the vision in my head does not exist in real life. Oh well... an excuse to keep shopping!

Still going strong with:

Better skin care

Drink more water

Grump less

Have pretty nails

What are you working on this week? Whatever it is, YOU CAN DO IT! Leave a comment so we can encourage you as you go!

(Not So) Extreme Makeover: Me Edition -- Week 11

2009-05-13T09:54:00.003-04:00

Welcome to Week 11! Whether you're reading for the first time or have been following along for a while now, I'd love for you to join me in my "mini" self makeover. Post a comment and let me know what you're working on so we can encourage you as you go!

Here are my updates for the week:

1. Find and read a book to better myself. Sadly, I have not made any progress on this book. Not sure what's wrong with me since I love this book so far. Between the long drive and the kids, it's hard to find quiet time to read, but I've already learned so much just from the first half of The Shack that I'm bound and determined to get it finished. Next book, though, will definitely be a book on CD so I can listen to it in the car!

2. Simplify. This moves up to #2 on the list since I've officially moved "have pretty nails" to the "accomplished" list. I still have so much work to do in this area but there are two things I'm focusing on right now. One is to clean out "stuff." I have piles of "stuff" in so many places and slowly I'm starting to go through it and weed it out. Some is finding a new home in my own home, some is going to find a new home in someone else's home, some is going to find a new home in a landfill or a recycling center. This is going to take a LOT of time, but slow and steady will win this race. At least, I hope it will! The other part of this is some writing I'm doing around the whole idea of "simplify." I have the bones laid out but need to add the meat. Once I get that a bit more in shape, I'll start posting it here.

3. Devise and implement a summer household organization plan. The school year will be over in 3 short weeks, which is funny since I've finally now mastered the morning routine for 4 people going to 4 places at 2 different times every weekday morning. Starting in mid-June, both kids will be going to the same summer camp so that ought to simplify things a bit. (During the school year they go to different schools every day.) However, I find myself in a constant state of dismay and anxiety over unpacking book bags from the day, sorting mail and papers, making lunches, all that fun stuff that goes along with being a parent and running a household. The kitchen table and island are hopelessly hidden by piles of "stuff" that I don't have the time or energy to sort through and put away daily. Funny, though, how those piles seem to be perfectly content to just sit there and stare at me for days and weeks at a time. So, my goal here is to come up with a system to organize our "stuff" that comes in daily so that the island and the table are free for cooking and eating. I want the summer to be fun and stress-free, at least in the "organization" area. I'm hoping this weekend to purchase some baskets or bins or somethings to help collect "stuff" for each person in the family, and also get the family on board with the new system. I know it will take a while to perfect, but I find that just the idea of baskets and bins usually cuts down on my stress level (stop laughing!) so that's where I'll begin.

Still going strong with:
Better skin care
Drink more water
Grump less
Pretty nails

What are you working on this week? Whatever it is, YOU CAN DO IT! Leave a comment so we can encourage you as you go!

(Not So) Extreme Makeover: Me Edition -- Week 10

2009-05-06T05:07:00.000-04:00

How are you doing this week? I need to get myself a bit more in gear on some of these things... hoping you've been making more forward progress than I have!

1. Find and read a book to better myself. OK, haven't opened the book this week. Really wanted to... will keep working on it! I did, however, make 2 friendship bracelets (you know, the kind you made when you were 12, out of embroidery floss?) for my daughter and her best friend. Can't read and tie knots at the same time. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it!

2. Have pretty nails. I have still not worked my way up to polish. (I suppose I can blame this on the friendship bracelets, too. After all, can't tie knots with wet nails!) Even without polish, I think I'm about ready to move this off the list and find something new for next week. A few have broken but they're still in good shape, so I think it's about time to call this one done.

3. Simplify. Ah... the big, amorphous "simplify." Made a bit of progress in two areas this week. Long story short, I recently applied for (and got - yay!) a new job. It required a drug test, which required a long wait in a lab. I brought my pen and paper and finally started putting some ideas on paper. Oh, how I miss that! Far from finished, but it's starting to take shape. Progress made!! On Saturday, I helped my 5-year-old clean "baby stuff" out of her room, built her a new shelving unit and got rid of a lot of broken, torn and useless "stuff." Her room looks great, I have a good pile for Goodwill and her little sister inherited about 70 books and 30 Barbie dolls. We did not yet tackle the closet but I'm feeling good that at least 1 bedroom has been sorted through and weeded out. Only 3 more bedrooms to go...
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Still going strong with:
Better skin care
Drink more water
Grump less
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What are you working on this week? Whatever it is, YOU CAN DO IT! Leave a comment so we can encourage you as you go!

(Not So) Extreme Makeover: Me Edition -- Week 9 (do over!)

2009-04-29T00:02:00.002-04:00

So before I get to this week's regular post, I want to take a minute to thank my friend Julie at The Surrendered Scribe for passing on the Sisterhood Award to this blog. Isn't this just the cutest bloggy award button? This award is for blogs that display an "attitude of gratitude" and I'm honored that Julie included me on her list of blogs who do this. In turn, I would like to pass it on to any of you who are reading these weekly Makeover posts and especially to those who are taking steps to make themselves over. Go ahead, grab the pretty picture below -- this award is for you!

I now return you to your regularly scheduled blog update....

Last week, I was on a cruise. It was FAB-U-LOUS! I spent 4 nights and 5 days doing nothing but relaxing (read: eating, drinking, napping, drinking, sunbathing, eating, drinking, parasailing, eating, shopping, drinking, sunbathing) with my little sister, Sarah. I missed my kids but I didn't realize until the 2nd or 3rd day of the cruise just how much I needed a few good days of R&R. I've had a lot going on lately and it was the perfect little break. Mad props (I've always wanted to say that!) to my amazing husband, who booked the entire thing as a surprise for my sister and me!!

I had grand plans for my vacation but didn't do much... see my definition of "relaxing" in the paragraph above. So, I'm calling this a Week 9 "do over" since I don't think last week really counted!
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1. Find and read a book to better myself. I did take The Shack with me on the cruise and on 2 separate occassions, I did open the book. I think I read a total of 3 pages. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't love the book... I just didn't want to work my brain hard enough to actually read the book. This one isn't done yet!

2. Have pretty nails. I posted a few weeks ago that I was looking for a "nail product" to help strengthen my nails. My sister-in-law, Cathy, sent me a bottle of Nailtiques and it's wonderful! So, I made sure to put on a new coat every day on the cruise and since I've been back. My nails are looking good and feeling stronger, though I'm not crossing this one off until I work myself up to actual nail polish. My husband will be away this weekend so I'm sure the girls and I will give each other mani/pedis while he's gone... so maybe by next week I'll be ready to call this one complete.

3. Simplify. From the outside it probably looks like I haven't made much (any?) progress in this area, but there are some ideas taking shape in my head that I'm really excited about. From a "simplify stuff" perspective, my older daughter and I will start tackling this one this weekend. She wants to make a "science lab" in her bedroom (not sure what that means to a 5-year-old, I'm a bit afraid!) and has asked me to help her clean out some of her old toys, books and clothes to make room for said science lab. So, this weekend we'll start sorting and purging and packing away things. From a "simplify my life" perspective, I'm still working through some ideas which I hope to have in a "ready for publication" state within the next few weeks. But, just thinking through things in my head has helped me a lot, so I'm feeling pretty good that I'm at least facing the right direction on this one, even if I haven't actually started moving yet.

Still going strong with:

Better skin care

Drink more water

Grump less

What are you working on this week? Whatever it is, YOU CAN DO IT! Leave a comment so we can encourage you as you go!

(Not So) Extreme Makeover: Me Edition -- Week 9

2009-04-22T00:01:00.000-04:00

Gotta love the "post ahead" feature on Blogger, eh? So I've written this post in advance since right now, I am sailing around in the Caribbean. Hopefully by now I've been parasailing, enjoyed tons of food, see some great shows, lounged on some beaches and had more than my share of fruity frozen drinks. Hopefully I've found plenty of time to finish reading The Shack and my nails still look nice and I haven't bought an excess of souvenirs that completely set me back on the "simplify" goal.

So, since I'm not willing to pay for internet access during the cruise (isn't the point of the cruise to not have internet and cell phone access?) you won't know until next week how Week 9 really went for me, but I hope it's going great for you!

Leave me a comment on what you're working on this week so I can catch up on the "real world" when I get back from the big boat :-)

(Not So) Extreme Makeover: Me Edition -- Week 8

2009-04-15T00:01:00.000-04:00

So how's your Week 8 shaping up? Nothing new on my list this week but still feeling pretty good!

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1. Find and read a book to better myself. It's been a busy time at work and we had guests all weekend so I didn't get much more reading done on The Shack, but my sister and I are going on a cruise next week (can we say "CAN'T WAIT!!!" and "SO EXCITED!!!"), so I will surely finish this book while lounging on the sunny beaches of Coco Cay. It's been such a great read so far, I can't wait to see how it ends!
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2. Have pretty nails. As I admitted last week, I pretty much stole this one from Julie. It's been about 3 weeks and they're finally starting to look like fingernails! Hoping to work myself up to some polish this weekend. Fingers (and nails!) crossed that they last at least long enough for formal night on the cruise. (Oh, did I mention "CAN'T WAIT!!!" and "SO EXCITED!!!"?)

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3. Simplify. OK, so it turns out that Luanne is actually not helping on this one, though my girls and I thank her from the bottom of our hearts for the sixteen pound box of Disney treasures she sent to us last week. I'm still not clear on what this goal will mean for me, but I've had a lot going on at work lately that is starting to come to a resolution, so hoping that will get me heading in the right direction soon. THEN I'll start working on simplifying "stuff."
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Still going strong with:
Better skin care
Drink more water
Grump less -- still a daily battle but I think I'm finally winning it!
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What are you working on this week? Whatever it is, you can do it! Leave a comment so we can encourage you as you go

(Not So) Extreme Makeover: Me Edition -- Week 7

2009-04-08T15:21:00.002-04:00

Week 7 already, I can't believe it! This week, albeit a crazy one, I feel "accomplished" enough in two items to move them off the list and add new things instead. Feels good!

1. Find and read a book to better myself. I'm about half way through the book The Shack, which my friend Brenda sent to me. I don't have a lot of time to read but when I find a few free moments, it's almost painful to put the book down. I'm not really sure where it's going, but what I've read so far has made me think. A lot. I love it! My original plan for "a book to better myself" was more along the lines of "how to get organized" or "how to stress less." But I think The Shack is a far better "bettering" of myself than I could have chosen on my own.

2. Have pretty nails. I pretty much stole this one from Julie, but I'm hoping we can encourage each other. I have always had brittle nails and they break easily, so I never stopped myself from picking at them because, well, they were just going to break anyway. I had acrylics for many, many years and they were gorgeous. Of course, they cost money and more important, time. I stopped getting them done (professionally) around Christmas time and a few weeks ago the damaged part had finally grown off so I decided to let them grow on their own. They're looking OK so far. Now, to find some kind of clear coat / strengthener that will make them less likely to break. Anyone have ideas?

3. Simplify. Might as well have written "achieve world peace" there. This is big, ambiguous and on some days, seems unachievable. However, I've been watching my friend Luanne go through a purge process with her stuff, getting rid of 100 "somethings" each month so far in 2009. I'm not sure that "100 somethings" is the way I'll end up going but I like the idea of taking small steps to simplify -- be it by eliminating stuff or unnecessary responsibilities or something else. We'll see where this takes me but it's time to begin beginning the process.

Still going strong with:

Better skin care

Drink more water

Grump less -- still a daily battle but I think I'm finally winning it!

What are you working on this week? Whatever it is, you can do it! Leave a comment so we can encourage you as you go!

(Not So) Extreme Makeover: Me Edition -- Week 6

2009-04-02T08:43:00.002-04:00

How does that expression go? A day late and a dollar short? Back to my regularly scheduled Wednesday update next week but in the meantime... here are the updates on the 3 items I've been working on:

1. Drink more water. I think I'm actually, finally making progress on this one! For several weeks now I've been limiting myself to only my morning coffee and one soda per day. Everything else is water. I am still far short of the "recommended daily allowance" of my H20 but still, it's a lot more water than I was drinking before I started this. If I keep this up one more week, I may actually move it to the "accomplished and still going strong" list. Yay!

2. Grump less. I've been working really, really hard on this. I think my original goal was to be happy and chipper and positive all the time. What I've realized is that's not possible... that's not life. That realization alone has done wonders for me. Dare I say this may also move to the "accomplished and still going strong" list by next week?!?

3. Find and read a book to better myself. My friend Brenda sent me a great package of goodies, including a book called The Shack. It sounds really good and she told she's shared it with others who loved it as much as she did. I can't wait to start reading it! Here's a description, from Amazon.com:

Mackenzie Allen Philips' youngest daughter, Missy, has been abducted during a family vacation and evidence that she may have been brutally murdered is found in an abandoned shack deep in the Oregon wilderness. Four years later in the midst of his Great Sadness, Mack receives a suspicious note, apparently from God, inviting him back to that shack for a weekend. Against his better judgment he arrives at the shack on a wintry afternoon and walks back into his darkest nightmare. What he finds there will change Mack's world forever. In a world where religion seems to grow increasingly irrelevant "The Shack" wrestles with the timeless question, "Where is God in a world so filled with unspeakable pain?" The answers Mack gets will astound you and perhaps transform you as much as it did him.

Still going strong with:
Better skin care

Looks like I will need 2 more things for my list next week... I think I'm going to follow Julie's lead on her item #3 (which I've actually been working on since I saw it on her list last week). Let's see what else I can come up with...

What are you working on this week? Whatever it is, you can do it! Leave a comment so we can encourage you as you go!

(Not So) Extreme Makeover: Me Edition -- Week 5

2009-03-25T09:53:00.002-04:00

I hope y'all are making great progress on your goals! Can't wait to hear the updates, please leave a comment so we can come check out what you're working on.
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Here are my updates on the 3 items I've been working on:
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1. Drink more water. Still not drinking more water than before.... Still not giving up yet...
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2. Grump less. I actually think I'm doing better on this one. This is bigger than "not grumping at my kids," though. This is a total and complete mindshift about what's important and what's worth getting upset over (or not). I'm proud of myself in this area, but still have work to do.

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3. Find and read a book to better myself. My wonderful friend Brenda is sending me a book she read for book club, she said it's a "makes you think" kind of book. I'm excited to see what it's about and start reading!
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Still going strong with:
Better skin care

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. What are you working on this week? Be sure to check out the lists from:
Julie (The Surrendered Scribe)

(Not So) Extreme Makeover: Me Edition -- Week 4

2009-03-18T13:46:00.005-04:00

Not much forward progress this week, unfortunately, but on the bright side, there were no steps backwards!

Here are my updates on the 3 items I've been working on:

1. Drink more water. Well, I'm still not drinking more water than before. I think I'm just drinking less soda. I just can't figure out how to get my headset to reach the ladies room, which is about 2 miles from my desk. Not giving up yet...

2. Grump less. I have been working every night and every weekend for about 2 1/2 weeks now. (Don't worry, Mom... it's "normal" for the stage of the project I'm in at work.... will be better next week.) Anyway, I've been too busy and too tired to grump too much this week. Hoping that when things slow down, I can keep the grump to a minimum.

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3. Find and read a book to better myself. No progress in this area, though I'm working on deciding what kind of book I want to find and read. Hoping to have at least that much accomplished before next week's update.

Still going strong with:

Better skin care

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What are you working on this week?

Be sure to check out the lists from:

Julie (The Surrendered Scribe)

(Not So) Extreme Makeover: Me Edition -- Week 3

2009-03-11T06:01:00.001-04:00

They say it takes 3 weeks to make something a habit... I think I've finally turned one of my original 3 items into a habit now, WOO HOO!!

I hope you'll join me in my quest to make myself a better person by taking baby steps in the right direction, tackling small challenges, one day at a time, that can result in BIG changes in the long run! It's easy to participate... simply leave a comment here to let me know what you're working on (so we can encourage each other) or if you have your own blog or website, post your update there and leave a link in the comments section of this post. I'll post updates here every Wednesday, hoping to see you back here each week to share your progress or just follow mine. Either way, the more, the merrier! (You can read more about the reason I'm doing this here).

Here are my updates on the 3 items I've been working on:

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1. Better skin care. I am happy to say that I've been doing very well with this. I've been following my "new routine" every morning and every night and my face is thanking me for it! I think I've got this one pretty much under my belt now, so this week I'm going to take on a new challenge to take it's place. (I'll keep this up in the background, of course!)

2. Drink more water. So I've found plenty of ways around the "water is yucky" thing. Just can't find ways around the "bladder is small" thing. I've been doing great about not having 2 non-water drinks in a row without at least 1 bottle of water in between. However, I think I'm probably just drinking less overall, which is counter-productive, really. Weekends are usually my worst days, though, I typically guzzle 3 or 4 cans of Pepsi a day (in addition to 2 cups of morning coffee). This past Saturday, though, I didn't have ANY soda and on Sunday, only 1 can. An improvement for sure, but still not meeting the goal. I'll keep working on it...

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3. Grump less. Last week I said I wouldn't use the word "impossible." This week, I will. Impossible!! OK, so not really impossible... just very frustrating! I am now able to see a grump coming far enough in advance to determine if it's warranted or not. I don't think my kids would say I'm not grumpy anymore... but then again, I have a 2-year-old and a 5-year-old. You know any kids that age who think their parents aren't "too mean and cranky?" I have a long way to go...

4. Find and read a book to better myself. Finding and reading a book doesn't seem to be a lofty goal, especially for someone who LOVES to read. Problem is, for my life I can't remember the last time I read a book "just because" that didn't start with Hi, my name is Dora or Once upon a time in a far away land. My friend Brenda is in a book club and gosh, how I wish...

Anyway, I want to find a book (and actually read it!). Not sure what I'm looking for yet... something that will make me a better me. I even have a gift card to Barnes & Noble from my birthday last year that I could put towards this. Hhhmmm.... maybe an afternoon tucked away in the corner of Starbucks at my B&N (drinking water, of course) might help with item #3 on my list....

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What are you working on this week?

Be sure to check out the lists from:
Julie (The Surrendered Scribe)

Ruth (Getting Real)

(Not So) Extreme Makeover: Me Edition -- Week 2

2009-03-04T08:11:00.000-05:00

Week 2, here I come!! I hope you'll join me in my quest to make myself a better person by taking baby steps in the right direction, tackling small challenges, one day at a time, that can result in BIG changes in the long run! It's easy to participate... simply leave a comment here to let me know what you're working on (so we can encourage each other) or if you have your own blog or website, post your update there and leave a link in the comments section of this post. I'll post updates here every Wednesday, hoping to see you back here each week to share your progress or just follow mine. Either way, the more, the merrier! (You can read more about the reason I'm doing this here.)
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Here are my updates on the 3 items I've been working on.

1. Better skin care. I am so proud that I've been keeping up with this one! I've been following my new "skin care routine" every morning and every night. Morning has always been easy enough, it's the night routine I was bad about.... 'cause I'm just so stinkin' tired! I decided to start washing my face and using all the new lotions and creams after dinner, rather than waiting for bedtime and that makes a big difference. I still have my grump lines but I'm confident that over time, my skin will begin to look healthier and more "age appropriate." I think in one more week this will be enough of a routine for me that I can call it a habit and add something new into the list.

2. Drink more water. This one is hard. I'm getting better about not liking water. If only I could expand my bladder. I drive 60 miles each way to work (at least an hour in the car) and I'm on conference calls at least 4 or 5 hours a day (sometimes more). This makes for quite a challenge when your bladder is the size of a pea and you're trying to drink more water. What I can say is that I'm not having 2 caffeinated beverages in a row anymore, I'm alternating caffeine and water. I suppose that's a start but I still have a long way to go.

3. Grump less. I won't use the word "impossible" but I think when you have a full-time job outside the home, a ridiculously long commute and two small children, it's really, really challenging not to be grumpy sometimes. However, I'm trying hard to remember the world won't end if the to-do list remains long and my overall outlook on things is changing. Progress... but I'll keep working on it.

What are you working on this week?

(Not So) Extreme Makeover: Me Edition -- Week 1

2009-02-25T06:02:00.001-05:00

Here goes... Week 1 of the (Not So) Extreme Makeover: Me Edition challenge! Woo Hoo!! I hope you'll join me in my quest to make myself a better person by taking baby steps in the right direction, tackling small challenges, one day at a time, that can result in BIG changes in the long run! It's easy to participate... simply leave a comment here to let me know what you're working on (so we can encourage each other) or if you have your own blog or website, post your update there and leave a link in the comments section of this post. I'll post updates here every Wednesday, hoping to see you back here each week to share your progress or just follow mine. Either way, the more, the merrier! (You can read more about the reason I'm doing this here.)

Here are the 3 items I've decided to tackle to begin with. I started working on these a few days ago and plan to add more over time.

1. Better skin care. I've been using my new creams, lotions, serums and makeup for 3 days now. So far, I like them, but way too soon to tell if they're making a difference or not. The good thing is that, because it's on a list someplace, I feel more obligated to keep up with it. So, I wash my face and follow with the "proper" routine of "products" every morning and every night. In and of itself, that's a big deal, since I tend to buy the "miracle package" of skin care products, use it for a day and a half and then throw it in a drawer. Baby steps, remember?

2. Drink more water. I have certainly not made a very significant increase in my water consumption yet. However, I have stuck to the plan of drinking equal amounts water and caffeinated beverages. After my morning coffee, I won't allow myself a soda until I've finished a full bottle of water. After the soda, I have to drink more water before I have more caffeine. That much is working. Problem is, I'm still not drinking nearly as much water as I should in a day, so my goal for this week is to make sure I get at least 2 full bottles of water in per day, 3 if I can manage it. (Did I mention that I really, really don't like water?)

3. Grump less. This one is so HARD!! Small accomplishment, though... last night I refrained from doing anything on the "chores" list until the kids were both in bed. Just being aware that I tend to get cranky when the chore list is long has made a big difference and I was able to more fully relax and enjoy story time and our tea party. Now, if only I can remember that in the mornings after my 5-year-old has spent 30 minutes staring at (but not eating) her breakfast, while still in her pajamas, when we have 6 minutes to finish getting ready to leave for the day....

So, there are my first 3 goals and mini updates (after only 3 days). Can't wait to see what everyone else comes up with!

(Added on Feb 27)

Please join me in encouraging some others who are going to join me in the Makeover Challenge!

- Julie (The Surrendered Scribe)

- Jennifer (Focus Findings)

- Brenda (no blog, but she's 2 weeks in to a weight loss program and doing GREAT!)

- Chrissy (no blog, but she's working on getting healthier -- she had a great first day!)

(I'll see if I can figure out a Mr. Linky for next Wednesday's update...)

25 Random Things about Kat

2009-02-23T21:13:00.003-05:00

Some of my Facebook friends have tagged me to do a "25 Random Things" list but unfortunately, Facebook will not let me onto their site from my computer. I can update my status and send notes from my Blackberry, but the computer and my Facebook account don't seem to be on speaking terms. So... what better place to post my 25 Random Things than on my Random Thoughts blog, right?

1. My first name is just "Kathy," that's not short for anything. My parents thought if they named me Kathleen or Katherine, everyone would just call me Kathy anyway. Except for my co-workers, everyone calls me Kat. I suppose if they had named me Kat, people would just call me K.

2. I've known my friend Brenda, well, I don't remember ever not knowing my friend Brenda. Literally. More than anyone else in my life, she has taught me the meaning of the word "unconditional."

3. I was miserable every single second of high school because apparently, it's fun for cool kids to pick on smart kids. If I ever ran into any of those "cool kids" again, I'd tell them my sincerest wish is that no one ever treats their kids the way they treated me.

4. As miserable as I was for all of high school, if I could rewind and do it again, I wouldn't change a thing. Every minute of my life has shaped me into the strong, confident, successful, beautiful person I am today.

5. I met my husband on Super Bowl Sunday in 1996, only 3 months after I turned 20. I knew on our first date that he was The One. Today, I still know I was right.

6. Craig and I went to the 30 year Woodstock reunion in Rome, New York in July 1999. It was amazing, but I'd never do it again.

7. Craig and I watched the ball drop in Times Square as 1999 turned into 2000. I was dressed in an evening gown and he was in a tuxedo. We were as close to the ball as the police barricades would allow. It was amazing, but I'd never do it again.

8. In 1998, the doctors told me it was "a very aggressive form of pre-cancer." In early 1999, they told me they could probably prevent the cancer with "a procedure" but I'd never carry a pregnancy to term.

9. Five years later, I gave birth to our first perfect miracle, proving that God trumps doctors. Her sister came along 3 years later in much the same way.

10. Except for pregnancy weight, I have never weighed more than 118 pounds. Today, I don't weigh enough to give blood.

11. I hate to cook. If it was up to me, I'd eat at Taco Bell every night. This is only OK because of item #10.

12. I am bi-polar about my job. I love it or I hate it, there's no in between. It's the best job ever and the worst job ever, and sometimes that varies by the minute.

13. Growing up, I wanted to be a teacher or a lawyer.

14. Today, I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up.

15. I love country music, Jim Brickman (pianist), Amy Grant, Metallica and Staind. How's that for an odd assortment?

16. My favorite place to vacation is the Adirondack Mountains in Upstate New York.

17. I've been on at least 400 flights and slept at least 200 nights in a hotel room. Probably more, but I lost track a long time ago. I hate to travel. No really, I do!

18. My brother calls me Waffle the Hut and my sister calls me The Biggest of Bits.

19. I took Spanish for 9 years in junior high, high school and college. I can't speak a word of it now.

20. My biggest regret in life is not going to see my grandparents one more time before moving to Florida. My grandfather, my hero, passed away 7 months later.

21. I love to make quilts. I have more fabric than most fabric stores. My friends are probably going to begin smothering me with home made quilts if I don't find something new to give them for their birthdays.

22. My favorite ice cream flavors is mint chocolate chip.

23. I would love to have one more baby... if only I could make one more parent to come with it.

24. I enjoy cleaning, yet my guiltiest pleasure is paying someone else to come clean my house every other week. It makes me feel "not good enough" sometimes but on the flip side, frees up hours of my limited weekend free time to do things much more important than cleaning a toilet or mopping the floor.

25. Though textbook definitions may disagree, I think I'm borderline OCD. I have to turn the alarm on and off 3 times before I go to bed and if anyone touches my alarm clock, I can't sleep the entire night. I have to tuck Jessica in first every night, then Rachel. If I start with Rachel, I always end up getting up in the night to go tuck in Jess again, then Rachel after her. No one said I was normal...

So, what random things are you willing to share?

(Not So) Extreme Makeover: Me Edition

2009-02-22T09:34:00.004-05:00

In my last post, I talked about a conversation with my older daughter (she's 5) where she told me I never play with her and I'm grumpy all the time. I don't believe that's true and I have no intention of becoming a playmate instead of a parent to my kids. However, it did cause me to stop and think about some things I can do differently, improve upon, to be a better me.

I'm not so good at keeping promises I make to myself about myself, but I'm pretty good when I know other people are watching and I'm responsible to more than just myself. So, I am officially starting a new project called (drum roll, please).... (Not so) Extreme Makeover: Me Edition. If you've got something you'd like to work on, I encourage you to join me. You can do so by posting on your own blog or website, or by leaving a comment here so we can take the challenge together and encourage each other along the way. Here's how it works...

Start by making a list of things you want to work on. I know I have a LOT to work on, so I'm going to start with 3 things and add more over time. Every Wednesday, I'll post an update here to talk about my progress (or lack thereof). Once I achieve one goal (or feel pretty solid that I'm making good, consistent progress), I'll add something new to the list. Easy enough, right?

So here's my starting list, in no particular order....

1. Better skin care. I know, sounds odd. How did I get that out of my kid telling me I'm too grumpy? The night she told me that, I was looking in the mirror and realized I have some unattractive "grump lines" on my forehead. (Some may call them wrinkles, but I'm too young to use the "w" word.) But, the fact of the matter is that my skin does not look my age and I want to change that. My good friend Mel has been telling me about some new skin care products and makeup she's started using recently - with good results - so yesterday, I went out and bought some creams, lotions and makeup that might get me moving in the right direction.

2. Drink more water. I am a caffeine-a-holic. I start my day with 2 cups of coffee, drink I bottle of Propel (flavored vitamin water) in the morning and Pepsi the rest of the day. I'm not ready to reduce my caffeine intake (yet), but I will commit to equal amounts of water and caffeinated beverages. So, I need to add in 2 bottles of water per day to my repertoire. I know that's still not enough to get me even close to the "recommended daily consumption" of water, but hey, it's more than I'm drinking now! I don't like plain water at all, so I will probably drink more Propel instead of the plain stuff but hey, it's still water!

3. Grump less. This will be a tough one for me. It's in my nature to be task-oriented and too often, I let the to-do list dictate my mood. But, I am going to be more conscious of when I'm snapping or grumping and try to check myself when I feel an unwarranted grump coming on. Better yet, when I realize I've grumped when I shouldn't have (and I usually realize right away already when this has happened), I'm going to make myself drink a glass of plain water as "punishment." I wouldn't use negative reinforcement on my kids and I know I probably shouldn't use it on myself, but I really, really don't like to drink water, so the thought of it may be enough to make me think twice. And if nothing else, it'll get me moving in the right direction on goal #2!

Looking forward to seeing what might be on your list and would love for you to share updates with me. If you're ready now, you can post a comment here. Or, come back on Wednesday to let me know your plan.

The Truth (?) Hurts

2009-02-18T13:31:00.004-05:00

My 5-year-old, Rachel, has recently starting making her bed every morning as soon as she wakes up. She does a pretty good job of straightening the sheets and the comforter and arranging her princess pillows. A few nights ago as I was tucking her into bed, I told her how proud I was of her doing this and how it gave Mommy more time to play and have fun with her and her sister when she helped out with the chores around the house.

"So you have too many chores to do, Mommy?" she asked.

"Well, there's a lot we have to do to keep our house running smoothly, so every time you and Sissy help me out, it saves me some time and I've got more time to have fun with you."

She thought for a moment. "So too many chores is the reason you never play with us and you're grumpy all the time?"

Ouch.

Ouch.

And did I mention, "Ouch?"

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to hug her, kiss her, cry. I know I play with them. And I know I'm not grumpy all the time. My husband is definitely the "playful, happy" one on a more regular basis, but that I never play with them and I'm grumpy all the time? Yeesh!

I've thought about it a lot. Lost sleep over it, actually. And what it comes down to is that it doesn't matter if I think I play with them and if I think I'm not grumpy too much. It matters what they think. Their perception, not mine, is the reality, at least in this case.

Don't get me wrong, I've heard more than my share of "you never give me treats" or "you always make me go to bed before I'm ready." And I can live with those. What I can't live with is that my kid believes I never play with her and I'm grumpy all the time.

So the problem, of course, is what to do about it. 'Cause she's right. I focus on the chores, my husband focuses on the fun. I get grumpy when things go wrong or the to-do list is too long, my husband makes it a game or says, "oh well, the world won't end." Certainly no way I can go from my Type A personality to his Type B (trust me, I've spent a long time trying... ain't gonna happen!) but I know I can make changes to play more and grump less. Much as it hurt, I think it just took the smack in the face from my daughter to make me realize I needed to do these things.

I have some ideas... more to come on this blog (and yes, in less time than it's been since my last post here!). I'm planning a "Kat Mini Makeover" (for this and some other things, too) and would love you to join me on perhaps, a mini makeover of your own. If you don't need a makeover (and hooray!! for you if you don't!), I'd love you to follow behind me and kick me when I need it. Stay tuned....

SOOC Saturday -- Derek again

2008-10-18T20:03:00.004-04:00

Derek again... only this time, my nephew and not my favorite baseball player. I took this picture this August at my daughter's 5th birthday party.

Thanks to Melody over at Slurping Life for the SOOC Saturday fun!

SOOC Saturday -- Derek

2008-09-13T12:12:00.004-04:00

SOOC = Straight Out Of Camera

Melody over at Slurping Life started "SOOC Saturday" and I think it sounds like fun. SOOC stands for "straight out of camera," no editing or chopping or PhotoShop-ing allowed. Which is good, because I don't really know how to do any of those things to begin with. This is right up my alley!

I took this picture at Yankee Stadium in July. I love it for 3 reasons, in spite of the fact that it's a little bit blurry:

1. It's Derek Jeter. Really now... what's not to love?!?

2. I had just gotten a new camera and finally figured out the super-duper zoom feature. (Yes, I'm pretty sure that's the proper name for it.) I was sitting in the back row of the left field bleachers when I took this. (For the non-baseball people, those are the seats behind the 3rd base side of the field, up above the bull pen. My husband guesses we were about 540 feet away from home plate.)

3. Totally by coincidence (er, I mean, due to my amazing timing and expert skill?!?), there is a ball flying in from the left of the of the picture. I couldn't do that again if I tried, but hey, sure looks cool!

Exceptional Customer Service

2008-09-05T15:26:00.005-04:00

Today I received unexpected, exceptional customer service. How often does that happen. Um, never comes to mind!!

My daughter, who started Kindergarten this year, has a dress code. Not a "uniform" per say, but guidelines on colors and styles. Being a 5-year-old girl who adores princesses, the kid will ONLY wear dresses. Not skirts, not skorts, but dresses.

I was able to find a few navy blue jumper dresses in our local stores, but none in black or khaki (her other 2 approved colors). I decided to order some online from Old Navy.

When the jumpers arrived (2 khaki, 1 black) and she tried them on, I decided that she probably needed a bigger size. I was delighted to learn that Old Navy allows you to print a return address label for return shipping, at no cost to the customer. I completed the exchange form, printed the label, and shipped it back. I wanted the exact same 3 items, just in 1 size bigger.

Yesterday I received an email that my exchange was received and my new order had shipped. However, the sale price and discount code I had used on the original order were not applied to the new items, so I owed them $22. I made a note to call today to complain, argue, and get my account credited. I planned to return the items for a full refund if my demands were not met.

The morning got away from me and I didn't call first thing as I had planned. A little after noon, my cell phone rang. It was Mark from Old Navy Online Customer Service, who was calling to tell me there had been an error with the exchange, the wrong prices were applied to the new items, and he was in the process of correcting my account to eliminate the new $22 charge. He needed my authorization to credit the original purchase price to my account, and then debit my account for the same amount, to account for the 3 new items.

Wow. I was impressed! Not only did they catch the error, but a very nice man called to apologize for the error and let me know he was correcting it right away. I felt guilty for even considering a complaint to this company.

Sometimes it's the little things that mean so much. Recognizing a mistake. Apologizing for it. Correcting it. And doing so with a pleasant tone and a positive attitude. Old Navy, you are now my preferred online retail site. Thanks for making my day!

Can we please stop calling it a game?!?

2008-09-01T19:26:00.006-04:00

I've done my absolute, scout's best to avoid blogging about politics, even though it's something I'm very passionate about and is usually high on the "things we talk about after the kids go to bed" list in my home. I know it's controversial, and that's not what this blog is all about... but I just can't keep my mouth shut any longer.

Can we please, please stop talking about the upcoming Presidential election as if it's a game? I'm so sick of hearing about when "we" win or when "they" lose... as if we're in the locker room at halftime. And with Senator McCain's choice of Sarah Palin as his running mate, I can't count the number of times I've seen or read about how that "changes the game." Makes me want to scream!!

Politics is not a sport. It is not a game. It is not a contest. It is an election. It determines the path America will take for the next four years. It charts a course for our current standard of living, our future, our children's future and their children's future. It's not about "us" or "them" or "win" or "lose." It's about issues, it's about who's best equipped to lead. It's about our lives.

Education. Economy. Environment. Health care. National security. The war in Iraq. Social Security. Abortion. Same-sex marriage. The right to bear arms.

Regardless of your party affiliation, regardless of your top issues, take the time to learn each candidate's position on them. We all get the same choices, the same vote. Decide what issues you care most about, how those issues impact your everyday life, and learn which candidate has the closest position to yours. Then go to the polls with an informed vote to cast. Not a red vote or a blue vote, an informed vote. Whatever choice you make, though, remember... this is your life. This is your future. This is your America. But this is absolutely not a game.

(Stepping down off my soapbox, at least for now....)

Independence Day

2008-08-25T11:55:00.003-04:00

A memo sent home on Friday from my daughter's elementary school:

On Monday, August 25, 2008, we will celebrate our students' 'independence' by participating in our very own Independence Day. Students will be dropped off at the front of the building and walk independently to class.

Sounds simple enough, eh? If you're the kid, maybe. But when you're the mom?!? **sniff, sniff**

Rachel did great. We hugged and kissed before we left the house, since I knew I'd have to pull up, let her out, and then keep moving. (There's a line and order to maintain, you know!) She had a huge smile and a big wave as she and her larger-than-life princess backpack skipped down the sidewalk and into the front doors where the principal was standing watch. I knew she was happy, I knew she was brave, I knew she was safe. She was certainly fine, but it was still all I could do not to cry the entire way to work.

There's a tiny little part of me that wishes she still "needed" me more, and I try to let that tiny little part be completely overshadowed by the joy and pride of knowing that I raised a good kid, a brave kid, a strong kid, a happy kid. But it's still really hard on a mom, ya know?!?

The past few weeks have been difficult for me. Rachel fell at summer camp and required 7 stitches in her chin. Then came her 5th birthday party, with 60+ people at our house. Then back to school, which was exciting and scary for all of us. Then at work, I had to let 2 people go due to the economic downturn, and have wondered if I'll still have a job by the time this year is through, for the very same reason. There's a lot going on, a lot to bog a gal down, and it's been hard to keep my head far enough above water to see the sunshine these past few weeks.

This morning, though, hard as it was to watch my little girl be so independent, I also realized that her independence was just the sunshine I've been looking for. I certainly can't take all the credit for her being so amazing... she has a great dad, a great extended family, and a great head on her shoulders. But ya know what, she's got a great mom, too. She's happy, she's healthy, and she's thriving. That's the brightest sunshine a lady could ask for, and if it means she's more independent from Mom in the process, then so be it.

So today, I declare Independence Day for both of us. For Rachel, it's independence from Mom walking her to her classroom. For Mom, it's independence from doubt -- doubt about if she'll be OK, doubt about whether or not we've prepared her well enough for kindergarten and all the comes with it, doubt about my own ability to handle my little girl growing up. She will be OK, we have prepared her well enough and I can handle this. I know I can, I know I can, I know I can... of course, I may be asking for support from another bag of peanut butter cookies.....

Kat's Key #3: Wisdom

2008-08-07T06:20:00.001-04:00

I've posted about this one before, but it's my third key to life. To me, this is the most important one of all and if you can manage this one, you can manage pretty much anything.

Kat's Key #3: Wisdom

There's a prayer called The Serenity Prayer. Whether you're a pray-er or not, there's a great lesson in this one.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

You can read my original (longer) post about this too, but here's the abridged version. (Yeah, I know, this looks pretty long... you should see the other one!)

Sometimes, things come your way that you don't plan, you don't like, you don't know how to handle. These are the bumps in the road of life, the places where the path splits, moments that can trip you up if you let them.

Sometimes, you have to accept that they are what they are, and you have to move on. They can't be changed, they can only be managed.

Sometimes, they are things you can change, if you are brave enough. Many decisions in life are not easy, the path is not paved and straight, but you know you have to take action, even when you're not feeling brave.

To me, though, the key is really the wisdom to know the difference. There's no point in spinning your wheels and wasting your energy on things out of your control. Your time and energy is better spent accepting that it is what it is, and working on a plan to move forward. For the things you do have control over, stressing and being angry usually won't help, either. Your time and energy is better spent realizing that it might be difficult, but mustering up the courage to do the things which might be hard is the only thing that will move you closer to the resolution you desire.

The problems come in when you don't know the difference between the two. If you spend time trying to change things that are out of your control, you'll only end up frustrating yourself. If you choose to accept something that you could change if you tried, you'll only end up selling yourself short.

For every situation, look at whether or not you can "fix" it. Is it in your control? Do you have the authority and the resources to make it different? If not, accept and move on. If so, be brave and start the process.

I've found that in my own life, this is priority #1 in any tough situation. My stress level is reduced and my outcomes are better. I'm a happier person when I know the difference between the two and when I'm happier, so are the people around me.

Next time you're in a tough spot, assess it honestly before moving forward. Acceptance and Courage are nothing without Wisdom, at least not in my book.

Relationships. Perception. Wisdom. These are the key to my life. What are yours?

Kat's Key #2: Perception

2008-08-05T10:15:00.000-04:00

Well, so much for posting the next two keys in the next few days. Ah, well, life happens. Better late than never, here's my next one.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I think it's always best to build relationships with people, I really think that's the key to success in life. It's true what they say, that sometimes it's really all about who you know, who you get along with, and how you interact with people. Of course, there are times that getting to "know" everyone, building individual relationships, is just not a time-effective or realistic option. Or, you have the personal relationship, and now you need a different kind or relationship. For the "quick win," I turn to perception.

Kat's Key #2: Perception

I've had co-workers comment about how in control I seem, how I'm able to take charge of a situation and drive it to resolution, that I'm able to motivate people and get them to do what I need them to do in order to get the job done. These people ask how they can also do the same thing.

Trust me, I do not always feel in control, I don't always feel like a motivator. The trick is not always to have a full grasp on the situation, but for others to perceive that you do. If you look like you've got it under control, act like you've got it under control, then others will believe you've got it under control. And if they believe it, then it becomes true.

Now, I'm not saying you should B.S. people. No trickery, no lying, no deceit. There's a fine line between taking charge and pretending to be something that you're not, that could be a detriment to someone else. However, there's nothing wrong with putting on a brave, strong, authoritative face and acting the part -- whether you fully believe it or not -- if indeed you can pull it off and get others to follow along. This is true for me at work in many cases, but is also something I use in my "real" life, too.

Just yesterday at work, I was facilitating a conference call with about 20 people. Out of the blue, one of the people on the call started arguing that the call was not necessary, the topics we were covering were not important, and everyone's time was being wasted by asking them to participate for an hour. Whoa, Nelly!!

I will admit that this call was for a project I haven't been working on for long, and the topics we were covering were new to me. I was following "the process" even though it wasn't an area I was all that familiar with, and I couldn't truly and with authority tell him he was wrong. However, I also couldn't be bullied or let this fight continue. Though I didn't necessarily disagree with his perspective, for the sake of the project and the order of the meeting, I also couldn't back down.

With authority, I explained the purpose of the call, the value it would bring and the objectives we had to accomplish. I also explained the risks of moving forward without this particular meeting and agreement, and asked if he was willing to sign off on all of those risks. Let me tell ya, I was completely nervous in saying all of this, but I put on my "I am the project manager" voice, spoke with confidence and authority, and by the end of my spiel, others were agreeing with me and backing me up. The man who had disagreed changed his mind, and the call continued.

I didn't necessarily feel in control of the situation at the time, but others perceived me as in control and therefore, I was.

Last Friday, my daughter fell at summer camp and needed stitches in her chin. Only 3 days shy of her 5th birthday, I felt awful for her. When I first saw her she wasn't bleeding anymore and the cut was covered with a band aid, but still, my instinct was to hold her tight and cry, that's what we do when someone we love is in pain. But, every mom knows that most times, we have to swallow the tears and be brave.

When the ER nurse took off the band aid and I saw the actual cut, the tears tried to make their way back. "Is it really bad, Mommy?"

I don't like to lie to my kids, but I was not about to scare her, either. "You have a big boo-boo, but the doctor's going to fix you up, good as new." She stayed calm, and I kept choking back the tears.

My knees were shaking so bad I literally couldn't make them stop when the doctor came in to start the procedure. But she could see me, so I smiled. "You're doing great, kiddo."

She was doing great. I, on the other hand, was not. I wanted to cry and scream for my poor little baby who had this giant gash on her chin and was about to get stitched up. I was not feeling brave, not feeling strong, but I tried to show her that I was. She perceived me as strong and brave and that it wasn't all that bad and therefore, she could be strong and brave, too. And she was.

Sometimes, you have to tell the inner voice to quiet down. You have to put on your game face. You have to be strong and confident and authoritative, whether you're feeling secure about it or not. If they perceive it to be true, then it becomes so.

Happy Birthday Rachie Roo!

2008-08-04T08:07:00.005-04:00

I don't know where the time goes... seems like just yesterday that she was born. Six pounds, two ounces, and 3 weeks ahead of schedule. Today she turns five.

Rachel is the kindest, sweetest person I know. She's smart, funny, creative, stubborn and beautiful. She's got a temper to match the fiery red hair, and a smile to make it not matter a bit. She loves pink, princesses, craft projects and chocolate. I love her beyond measure, and I can't imagine my life without her.

Friday she had an accident at summer camp, cracked the bottom of her chin on the edge of the pool. Seven stitches. She was so brave, so tough, so unlike I would have been. She has a heart of gold, a will of steel, and a courage unmatched in any child I've ever known. She amazes me daily, inspires me always, and never ceases to make my heart smile.

What a blessing she has been in my life, one I thank God for daily. The doctors told me I'd never carry a pregnancy to term, yet I've been blessed with two perfect miracles that remind me never to give up, always to look for the best in life, and never to settle for anything less than your heart can dream.

To my beautiful, amazing, sweet, funny little girl, may your life be blessed with the love, the joy and the perspective with which you have blessed mine.

Happy, Happy 5th Birthday, Rachel!

Love,
Mommy

Kat's Key #1: Relationships

2008-07-15T13:32:00.007-04:00

Part of my job involves mentoring people, which is something I've always enjoyed doing, even before it was part of my job. A lot of people throughout my career have asked what the "keys to success" are. Ah, if "success" was only that easy! Over the years, though, I've found 3 things that I always come back to, and I think they apply just as much to "real life" as they do to my career. Over the next few days, I'll share them here. Certainly not rocket science, just my two cents on the secret to "success" in navigating through life.

Kat's Key #1: Relationships

"Relationships" can mean a lot of different things in a lot of different contexts. For purposes of this Key, it's really defined as "interactions between people."

Over the past 10 years, I've spent time working for a number of different clients, in different industries in different parts of the country. One of my most challenging clients was a banking client in the southern U.S. The group of people I was working with was very much the same in many ways -- all men, all old enough to be my father, and none of them all that excited to be working with a 20-something blond chic from New York City. Trust me, there were no pleased looks when I walked in the room. Didn't matter that my work was stellar and that I brought a skill set their own employees didn't have, it only mattered that I was young, I was blond, I was a Yankee and worst of all, I was a woman.

Over time, most of them learned to tolerate me, they even spoke to me like a human being. But there was this one guy, we'll call him Mike (name changed to protect his identity), who just wouldn't budge. Not an inch. In meetings, I'd ask a question and he'd turn and look at someone else as he was giving the answer. I could ask what color the sky was, and Mike would turn to the guy next to him and say, "The sky is blue." Clearly, this was not an effective working relationship. I decided to make this relationship my "special project."

I started asking around. Mike had 2 grown sons (I didn't have any kids yet). He was from Alabama (I was from New York). He was a huge NASCAR fan. NASCAR? NASCAR!

I found out who is favorite driver was. I found out he was going to a race in a few weeks. And then I started Googling. And watching ESPN Sports Center. I called my brother, who could explain the difference between NASCAR and Monster Trucks and Indy in terms I could understand. (Did I mention that NASCAR was not a world I knew??)

The next time we were in a meeting together, I intentionally sat next to Mike. He didn't look at me. I took a deep breath, said a little prayer, and went out on a limb.

"So Mike, I hear you're headed to Talladega. Do you go every year?"

Slowly, he turned to look at me. No smile, but eye contact was a start.

"Yes, since my boys were little," he said.

"I'm not too far from Homestead (Miami Speedway)," I told him.

"I was there for the first race of the Busch series when the track opened in '95," he told me.

"Dale Jarrett won that race, right?" I asked him, hoping beyond hope that I was remembering that correctly.

He looked at me for a minute, gave me the up and down with his eyes, paused as if he was deciding whether or not to take the plunge and then he responded, "Impressive!"

***PHEW!!!***

Now, Mike and I certainly didn't become "friends" after that, and there wasn't a whole lot of chatting at the water cooler. He was still much more senior, I was still the young blond chic from New York. But, I made sure to find out who won the weekend's race before every meeting with him, and I knew where the next race was going to be held. Suddenly, he looked at me when he answered my questions. He responded to my emails. He answered the phone when I called. And he stopped referring to me as "her" in the meetings.

Over time, he grew to trust me, and I to trust him. It went from superficial chatter about race cars, which is the key that opened the door, to a full-on, effective working relationship. Sometimes all it takes is to get your foot through the door. Mike became an advocate for me, my team, and the work we were doing. He encouraged other people to do the same, and he went to bat for me when I needed it. Again, didn't make him my "friend," but it definitely made him my ally.

I've done the same kind of thing with baseball, hockey, designer handbags, breast pumps (yes, breast pumps!) and wine (I don't recommend the wine one -- there's more to know than colors!). In "real life," I've built relationships (simple as they may be) with the mean receptionist at my dentist's office ("I love that necklace, where did you get it?") and the security guard in my office building ("I brought in bagels, would you like one?") and a co-worker who doesn't like anyone ("Congratulations on your wedding! Where did you Honeymoon? Grand Cayman? Did you swim with the stingrays? Awesome, isn't it?")

Sometimes it takes a lot of work and a lot of planning, sometimes it just takes a few genuine words. (People know when you're BS-ing them, and they that's sure to backfire on you!) It doesn't have to be an emotional connection, just something in common that you can make small talk about. Once you're "human," the rest will follow.

So key #1, it's all about relationships. Get to know a person, treat them like you want to be treated, allow them to count on you and to trust you, and show them you're willing to do the same. It's amazing what you can get from an ally that you'll never get from a stranger.

Who are you going to get to know today?

Shameless Plug and Linky Love

2008-06-26T11:30:00.004-04:00

I started a new blog. "Why?" you ask. Yes, I already had two. It's because I have so much free time and nothing else to do! (yeah, right)

Actually, I'm going to make you go over there and see if for yourself... if it's doing it's job, you'll be able to see pretty easily what it's all about. Know that what I'm trying to accomplish over there is very important to me and I hope that you'll find meaning in it, too.

Big thanks to both Julie and Luanne for helping me "advertise" my new venture... your support means the world to me and I appreciate it more than you know!

So go now, click on this link, and let me know what you think!

~*~*~ Dancing With Ladybugs ~*~*~

Scary Story

2008-06-25T09:29:00.008-04:00

My good friend Julie over at The Surrendered Scribe tagged me a while back to write a scary story, as part of a blog tour meme. Please don't look at the date of her post / tag.... Julie is the kind of friend who loves me even though "time" and I don't always get along, and most days I advocate the "better late than never?!?!?" approach to blogging. (Thank you for that, Julie!)

Her post was in response to the Mike Dellosso The Hunted blog tour meme -- what's your scariest experience? Hers really was scary, but mine's going to be a little bit different. Here goes....

My (almost) 5 year old daughter, Rachel, has an on again / off again fear of the dark. Thanks to cartoons they watch at daycare, she's added "spooky" to her list of favorite words. From time to time, she'll resist going to bed because the closet is open or a shadow looks "spooky" or she wants the door open more or where is her flashlight? or what is that light I see outside?

To help make her more comfortable, we have 2 nightlights in her room at all times. One is the standard plug-in nightlight that is light sensitive, so it comes on in the dark and goes off when it's light. She also has a low-watt princess lamp on her nightstand which we let her keep on all night, plus several flashlights in strategic places around her room.

One of her favorite flashlights is a plastic pig-shaped one, that Aunt Brenda gave her as a gift a few years back. There's a handle on the back and when you squeeze it, the pig's mouth opens to reveal the light, which stays on for 2 minutes before shutting itself off.

A few weeks ago, I was sound asleep when I heard something bump into the door frame of my bedroom. I heard someone walking toward the bed. I rolled over and sleepily opened my eyes to see who was there, when BAM! I came face to face with the brightest light I had ever seen at 3am, shining directly into my face like I was about to be interrogated. Half asleep, my heart instinctively started to beat faster, my mind started to race. Someone was in my bedroom, ready to.... what? Rob me? Kill me? Steal my children? I was blinded, I couldn't see who it was. I was scared and I didn't know what to do.

"Who's there?!?" I demanded, at the same time trying to kick Husband so he'd wake up and protect me from this evil burglar who had invaded our home and was ready to destroy our family and steal all of our worldly possessions.

"Oink! Oink!" came the response.

**sigh**

True story....

The Best Accessory

2008-06-18T09:14:00.010-04:00

The first time she asked me to wear the necklace to work, I hesitated. I'd watched her tiny hands concentrate for an hour on stringing those plastic beads patiently onto a piece of white yarn, grimacing each time one fell yet diligently persevering. My heart smiled when she announced at the end, "I made this for you, Mommy!"

Indeed, it was a beautiful work of art for a 3-year-old, just not quite the type of thing that went well with my much more "professional" work clothes. But the sad look on her face as my mind raced on how to tell her it was really better to save it for an "at home only necklace" had me saying, "of course I'll wear it!" before I knew it.

I placed the necklace on the passenger's seat before getting out of my car at the office. "Don't forget to put that back on when you get home!" I told myself.

Entering the house after work, I heard the eager pitter-patter of little footsteps running to greet me. In an instant, though, her sad eyes told me that I hadn't remembered to put it back on, and I'd been caught. I could hear her heart sinking as she sadly asked the questions. "Didn't you wear my necklace to work, Mommy? Where is it?"

My heart sank right along with hers. Afraid to look silly at the office, I'd made a promise that I never intended to keep. And in the process, I'd broken her heart. I made myself a new promise right then and there that looking silly didn't matter nearly as much as that beautiful little face, and the pride I knew her heart would feel when I could, with a clear conscience, tell her that yes, I wore her necklace to work, all day long.

My made-with-love-by-Rachel necklace collection is up to at least 1/2 dozen, with several bracelets, as well. I have jewelry made of macaroni, cut up straws, beads, lace, ribbons and plastic trim. She knows that the bead necklace matches the purple shirt, the straw necklace matches the red shirt, and the macaroni goes with most anything. When she sees me wearing one of those tops, she asks me to put on a necklace. I do it, every single time, and I wear it all day long.

I used to be one of those people who are now giving me odd glances, perhaps chuckling a bit, or asking why I'm wearing pasta around my neck. But then there are the other mothers in my office, who give me a smile and a nod, and who know exactly why I've got this on and why "beautiful and loving" and not "silly and inappropriate" is the proper way to describe my accessories.

I'm sure I'll continue to promise that "someday" we'll go to see the pyramids, even though I'm not sure if I mean it. I'll still tell her we're out of M&Ms when I think she's had enough, rather than explain why she just can't have any more. And yes, Rachel, there is a Tooth Fairy and an Easter Bunny and Dumbo can really fly.

But the necklaces? Such a small request to accommodate yet such an important promise to keep. Certainly not worth fibbing about, and I'll never, ever do it again.

Next time you see a parent with a silly hat or a necklace made of straws or Nemo stickers all over their shirt, don't laugh. Instead, smile and nod, and know that's a promise kept to a very proud child. Myself, I can't think of any accessory more beautiful than a child's smile, can you?

Happy Birthday, Boo Bear!

2008-06-11T08:42:00.009-04:00

We named her Jessica Danielle, after Craig's Aunt Joann and Grandpa Dominic, but we just call her Boo Bear. She has my hair color, eye color, and stubborn determination. She has her father's body type, smile and fun-loving personality. She has her sister's love of tea parties and all things Disney. She has her own sense of adventure, twinkling eyes and aren't-I-cute-as-I-wreak-lots-of-havoc personality. She's our little baby girl, and today she turns two.

She was born on her own terms, her own timing, almost 3 full weeks early. She weighed in at 6 pounds, 6 ounces and was 19 1/4 inches long.

Her 6th and 7th week on this earth were the longest two weeks of my life. Her acid reflux left her in so much pain that she'd scream the moment you laid her down. I held her for two weeks straight, no exaggeration. We slept sitting up in the recliner, she showered with me, she never, ever left my arms. At 8 weeks I took her to the pediatrician (for the ump-teenth time), I was in tears. "Watch what happens when I lay her down," I told him. I put her on the exam table, expecting her to scream. She smiled at us both. From that day on, she was fine. Life is on Jessica's terms... always has been, probably always will be.

Beginning around her 15 month checkup, the pediatrician noticed that she was not gaining weight on average with other kids her age. We went through a long period of close monitoring, some tests, and fed her everything in sight. She remained happy, active and ate like a horse, she just didn't gain weight. Until she was ready. Once again, life on Jessica's terms... always has been, probably always will be.

Those excruciatingly long 2 weeks, and now I look back and can't believe it's been 2 years since the day she was born. Where does the time go? I'm afraid to blink, we'll be watching her graduate from college before I know it.

Life would certainly not be complete without our little ray of sunshine, who keeps us on our toes, exhausts us to no end, but fills our home with laughter, love and non-stop action. She and her sister are the loves our our lives, the meaning for our existence, and our constant reminder that you never need to look farther than the walls of your own home to see all that is good and right in this world. Perspective, love, adorableness and fun... those are just some of the gifts that she gives to us daily.

To my little Bessie Boo Boo Bear, may may your life be blessed with the same wonderful joys you give to us each and every day. Happy, Happy 2nd Birthday!

All my love,
Mommy

My Kent

2008-06-10T11:56:00.003-04:00

Luanne had a great post the other day, I encourage you to take a minute to go over to her blog and read it before you finish reading this. It came at a perfect time for me and though at first it appears to be about a horse (Big Brown) and a jockey (Kent Desormeaux), there's so much more to it than that. It's about having someone in your life who knows that, no matter how much pressure there is and how much potential you might have to meet everyone's expectations, we all need someone who knows when today just isn't our day to win the race, and lets us off the hook.

My Kent is named Brenda. Her parents and my parents were friends from church before I was born, so I've known Brenda for, well, I don't remember not knowing Brenda. She's a little bit older than me and over the course of my life she's been my babysitter, my big sister, my other mother and the best kind of friend. We've been through pretty much everything there is to be through together. I've had the pleasure of watching her boys grow into amazing young men, and have had my own chance to be their babysitter and big sister, just like their mom was to me.

Brenda fed me extra fudgesicles and helped me learn to swim in her parent's pool. She did my hair (much to my dad's dismay sometimes!), painted my nails and did my makeup when I was still young enough that those things were a HUGE treat. She took me shopping for prom dresses and did my hair for the Big Night. She was my Matron of Honor when I married the love of my life. She's prayed and hugged and laughed and cried and supported me through my cancer scare, my career challenges, my Big Move to Florida, the birth of my children and everything in between. Her love and support and "making sure Kat puts herself first" are without fail, without condition, without question.

But what makes Brenda most remarkable is that even from 1360 miles away, she still knows when I need a hug. She still knows when I'm over-doing it, she still knows when I need a break. And she's not afraid to call me on it. She knows that even though my potential is there, the expectation is there, that every so often, I just can't do it all. She reminds me to ease up, to take a break, that it's OK to not win all the races all the time. And she means it. And when she says it, I believe it.

Luanne, thank you for your post and the great reminder and perspective.

And Brenda, my wonderful, amazing Brenda... thank you today, tomorrow and always for being there for me, for being my Kent.

Voice: Found!

2008-06-06T09:28:00.003-04:00

Alas, I've been MIA for a while. May was a tough month for me, I didn't have the time or the energy to blog much. However, I'd promised Julie a post for her blog (see why here), and spent most of the month struggling with that. Just when I was about to give up, though, I found my voice. It was in a place I didn't even think to look and it snuck up on me. I'm so glad that it did, it gave me renewed perspective which apparently, had been a bit misplaced. You can read my story over on Julie's blog, The Surrendered Scribe.

Now that my voice has been found, though, I'm full speed ahead! Look for a new post on my 5Things blog, and more frequent activity right here. Oh, and Julie tagged me to write a scary story, so I'm working on that, too!

Happy June, everyone!

Moments that make your heart smile

2008-05-06T14:48:00.005-04:00

I'm sure it's true for all parents, but as a mom, I know I definitely have my moments when it comes to the kids...

... Moments where I'm brimming with pride, for something they've accomplished on their own.

... Moments where my heart breaks for the pain I can't take away.

... Moments where my heart stops when they're not in the place where I left them, or I have one of those illogical "something awful has happened to them" dreams.

... Moments where I can't decide whether to celebrate with laughter or cry with a touch of sadness at the milestone they've reached, which means my "baby" is growing up.

... Moments that I can't categorize in any other way, except that they make my heart smile.

Besides being a mom, I also have a full-time, outside-the-home job. Our schedules are hectic enough, and with commute times we (the whole family) are out of the house close to 12 hours/day every day during the week. On top of that, I find myself leaving early or working late at least once a week. I always try to prep the family in advance for this, especially Rachel.

"I'm going to come give you a big hug and kiss before I go, but I have a work meeting in the morning so I have to leave early and you might not be up yet."

or

"I promise to come tuck you in and read you a story soon, but I need you to play quietly for just a little bit because I have a work meeting on the phone right now."

After a long weekend at Disney World, we decided the kids should go to bed a bit early last night. I could tell that Rachel was not excited about this, and she was restless when I tucked her into bed. She poked her head out of her room once, I tucked her back in. She tossed and turned. I tucked her back in. I peeked into her room one last time before going downstairs to watch TV with hubby, and my heart stopped for a second when I saw her empty bed. She couldn't have gone anywhere, I was in the office right outside her bedroom, but it's that initial "Oh my God, she's not where I left her" panic that we parents can't seem to shake.

It only took about 3 seconds for her to emerge from her closet, see me and jump - I'd startled her. She was holding the bottom corners of a t-shirt, upside down, yet very precisely. Odd, this is a kid who hates to wear shirts and pants, only dresses.

I watched her walk to her bed, where she very carefully laid this t-shirt on a stack of 3 other t-shirts, precisely over top of the one below, and smoothed out all the wrinkles.

"Rach, what are you doing with the shirts?"

"I'm getting ready, Mom, so I don't have to get up so early."

"Ready for what, Rachel?"

"A work meeting."

I wanted to be mad at her for being out of bed, for playing with clothes she has no intention of wearing, preparing for a "meeting" she doesn't really have. But I couldn't be mad, it was just too cute.

I convinced her to move the pile of shirts off the bed and onto the floor, with the promise that I would leave them there until morning. I tucked her back in (again!) and went downstairs to watch TV.

Before I went to bed, I went in to give her one last kiss. Apparently, she had finished the preparations for her work meeting:

I'm not sure why, but something about this sight brought a smile to my face and a smile to my heart. I can't explain it, and hubby certainly didn't understand my urge to scoop Rachel up, hug her until she burst and tell her how happy she makes me. Maybe no one else will understand either.... but this, my friends, was a moment that made my heart smile.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I just had to add that it was 8 years ago today that I married the love of my life, who built this amazing family with me, to give me endless, priceless, makes-my-heart-smile-moments.

Proud Mama!

2008-04-29T14:50:00.003-04:00

I suppose I should start by saying that I'm a bit ashamed to have been so weak in this area to begin with, but the pride wins out, so I just don't care...

Rachel was 2 months old before we gave her a pacifier. We didn't want to, she didn't seem to need it, and we weren't gonna do it. Ever. Right....

She was such a LOUD sleeper as a baby, in the cradle next to our bed. She just made little noises in her sleep all the time and as new parents, of course, we jumped up for every single one of them. I clearly remember that October night, rummaging around in the dark, digging through the closet in the nursery, just positive there had to be a binky in there somewhere. Finally, I found one, it was clearly Heaven sent. She took it right away and we slept. All of us. Finally!

Fast forward a few years to the night before Easter about 5 months before she turned 3. I was 5 months pregnant and determined to break her of the binky before the new baby arrived. We had talked about how giving all of your binkies to the Easter Bunny meant he'd leave extra treats, and deliver the binkies to other babies' Easter baskets. This was all going well as she dropped each excitedly into the empty Easter basket before bed... until she got to the last one. She stopped. She looked up at me. Her eyes filled with tears. "But Mommy, this means I won't have any binkies!" Yes, dear, that's the point!

I looked at hubby, he looked at me. I could see his response in his eyes. "This was your idea, I'm staying out of it." And then I caved. She kept the last binky. But ONLY for bed and the car.

Then baby #2 came along. She wanted NO part of the paci and still we pushed it on her, right from the get-go. She had acid reflux and wasn't comfortable for a second of the first 11 weeks of her life, unless I was holding her upright, while standing, and bouncing. I am not exaggerating when I say I held her for 2 weeks straight from 6-7 weeks old. Anyway... the paci kept her calm, so we gave it to her ALL the time. And of course, with a new baby in the house who required constant attention, we were willing to "overlook" Rachel's increased (outside the bed and the car) use of the binky. A lot.

We finally weaned her back to "only" her two permitted spots. She turned 3 with the binky. And then 4. And then I'd had enough. MORE than enough. However, even the mere mention of taking it away elicited the most pained, tortured, someone-just-shot-my-best-friend sort of response. I wanted it gone, at any price. But hubby, who takes her and her binky-wielding little sister back and forth to school each day (45+ minutes each way) was not prepared to play along.

And then she lost it. Literally.

Last Thursday night, as I was tucking her in and she was saying goodnight through the binky (I hate that!) I mentioned again that soon, we'd need to get rid of it. She'll be 5 in August for cryin' out loud! Again, I got "the" response. Of course.

2am, she shuffles in to our room. "Daddy, I can't find my bee-bee." Daddy rolls out of bed, trudges into her room to help her find it, it's usually buried under covers or on the floor between the bed and the wall. Only this time, it wasn't. He told her just to go to sleep, she'd live.

Until 3am, when she shuffles back in to the room. "Daddy, I still can't find my bee-bee."

"Go to bed, Rachel, you'll find it in the morning."

Tears. Little feet shuffling back to her bed, whimpering softly. My heart breaking, yet determined to stay strong. The child will not die if she has to make it through the rest of the night without a piece of plastic in her mouth.

Until 5am, when she shuffles to my side of the bed. I send her away. It hurt me, but I did it.

45 minutes later, she finds me downstairs making my coffee. "Mommy...."

I trudge upstairs to help her find the binky. I can't find it. Did she swallow the thing?? It is no where to be found, literally.

I think quickly and decide to use the opportunity, as any self-serving yet brilliant mother would.

"Rachel, do you know what this means?!?! You did it! You went a night without your binky! You're a big girl now!!!"

"I am?" comes the soft response, full of wonder, amazement, and verging on tears.

"Yes, you did!!" ((((Big hugs!!))))

She's not sure, but that's it, no turning back now. She got upset getting in the car to go to school, but I made sure to give hubby the "if you slip her the binky that I know you have hidden in your pocket, you will be sleeping on the couch for a week" look. And guess what? She did it! Again! All the way to school, no binky. On the ride home, she didn't even ask for it. And she hasn't asked for it since. Over four years of trying to get that thing away from her, and all it took was for it to literally disappear in the middle of the night. Why did I not think of that myself?!?!?

Honestly, I don't have a clue where it went. I've pulled her room apart, I can't find the silly thing. Maybe she's hidden it and pulls it out after I go to sleep, who knows. All I know is that I can see her smile and hear her voice, and it's the most beautiful thing ever.

One kid down, one to go....

So many things to write about but instead....

2008-04-15T14:30:00.005-04:00

So many things I'd like to write about here, if only there was more time in a day. If I had more free time, you'd have posts on:

My family's recent trip to New York, to celebrate my grandmother's 90th birthday. I'd tell you all about how it was the first time in almost 20 years that she had both her kids and all 4 of her grandkids (including one who lives in Austria!) in the same place at the same time, with the new addition of 2 great grandkids.

The lost and then found butterfly backpack that my 4-year-old left in the Syracuse airport, and the very nice police officer who tracked down my cell phone number and returned it to me. Of course, he scolded me for not letting her have snacks in it, but both the butterfly backpack and the cherished Jasmine doll made it back to us the very same night.

The two ladybugs that I found on the slide at my grandmother's house, which reminded me that even though my grandpa's been gone almost 7 years, he's always still here with us.

The two more times that a gas station attendant kept 2 cents of my change without blinking an eye, and the 2 cents I decided to leave on the counter another day, since there's clearly a penny shortage at my local gas station's convenience store.

My frustration with the healthcare system in this country, and the rates that doctors charge vs. the rates the companies pay vs. the co-pay for which I'm responsible.

The new summer swim camp that we just signed my girls up for.

So many more things....

But instead, since my time is limited, I choose to focus it on the following:

Spending extra time hugging and loving on my girls, my husband and my family, all the while saying prayers for peace and healing for the family of Sasha, a co-worker's 18-month-old neighbor who passed away on Friday, following an accident in the family pool last month.

Being thankful that my new shoes are pinching my toes because at least it means I can walk, and saying prayers for healing for my brother-in-law Steven and sister-in-law Ana, who were badly burned on their legs on Friday by a giant pot of boiling water (150 gallons) which tipped over in an freak accident. Steven is walking with crutches, Ana remains in the trauma center.

Checking the smoke detector batteries in my house, after my long-time friend Eric and his wife lost their entire home to a fire this weekend, and saying prayers of thanks that they both (along with the dog) made it out in time, and that their son was not home when it happened.

Making a baby blanket for my friend Megan, who is due in early June, and praying that her husband gets medical answers soon. They've ruled out lung cancer, tuberculosis and a few other things, but still can't tell him why he's been sick for 2 months or what he should do to start feeling better.

Thinking of new ways I can turn my spare change into something greater, something more than pennies, since I now know that 2 cents at a time won't change my life, but might mean something to somebody else.

What have you been doing with your free time?

Alexander's Heart, by Hailey

2008-03-31T20:33:00.003-04:00

Want to know what I want to be when I grow up? Visit Hailey's blog and you'll see. I want to be as strong, kind and wonderful as she is. She is 12, I have never met her, but I will adore her always. What she has set out to do, how she has turned a devastating loss into something good, it's truly selfless and inspiring.

Go read, she'll show you an amazing spirit we could use so much more of in this world.

Alexander's Heart, by Hailey

Hailey, if you happen to see this post, I have a story for you, something that perhaps will give you strength when you need it. It's something so small, but to me, it's huge. Maybe when you see a ladybug, you'll know, too.

When nice things happen

2008-03-12T15:13:00.005-04:00

I don't even know what to say, other than this is one of the nicest surprises I've gotten in a long time and I couldn't resist sharing...

Luanne is a woman I "know" through her blog, which is on my "daily must-read list." She reads my blog (not that there's much to read these days!), I read hers, and we exchange blog comments from time to time. I know that Luanne is a Disney-aholic, and she knows that I live in Florida. We each have two daughters (she has a son, too) and we are both fans of CoolPeopleCare and CoolMomsCare.

Out of the blue today, I got an email from Luanne, an email that made my day, week and month. Turns out that Luanne had preplanned (and paid for in advance) a weekend trip to Disney World in May for the Minnie Marathon and the 5K Go Red for Women, and some of her guests aren't able to make the date. She has an extra studio booked at the Boardwalk Villas, plus two tickets to Mickey's Pirate and Princess Party, an after hours party that my daughter keeps asking to attend, and we keep saying "maybe next time."

Luanne, giant sweetheart that she is, thought of my family (who she's never even met!) and offered the room and the tickets to us, free of charge. Say what?!?!? A 3-night stay at the Boardwalk Villas plus two party tickets, for nothing? How nice is that??

I talked to my husband, made sure the weekend was clear, then very happily accepted Luanne's offer, with the caveat that I'd like to pay her for at least the tickets. She said no. The only thing she would like in return is a group picture of us from Disney, to hang in her Disney-themed guest room. (Mind you, this is a big price for me, who is not a fan of being in front of the camera, but all in all, a very small thing to ask for such a big gift!)

I am in total shock at this amazing offer, this amazing woman, this amazing act of kindness. This is a biggie, one I'm not sure many of us can match. But when nice things happen to me, it inspires me to do nice things for other people, who hopefully, will be inspired to do nice things for someone else, too. The chain of kindness, I think that's really the nicest thing of all. Luanne, thanks for being nice and passing it on!

The Wisdom to know the difference

2008-02-28T16:39:00.005-05:00

I was walking down the hallway at work last week, when out of nowhere The Serenity Prayer came to me. I wasn't sure why at the time, but it's been running through my head over and over again, and I've finally figured out why God sent it my way.

If you're not familiar with the prayer, you can find the full, original version here, which was written by Reinhold Niebuhr. The most well-known (albeit abridged) version, I think, is this one, which I've known since I was a child:

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Back in November, I got a promotion at work. Before this promotion, I was constantly stressed out. Too much work to get done in a day, a long commute (60 miles each way), plus two kids, a home, a husband and a dog who never got as much attention as I wanted them to have. I felt like no matter what I did or how hard I worked, I could never finish my to-do list, never leave the office feeling like I could really stop thinking about work and focus only on my family.

When the promotion came along, I was excited yet nervous. Though I'd been informally serving as a mentor to many people on my team, I was now formally "responsible" for a team of 15 people. All of them would now come to me for advice, support, guidance, problem resolution, escalation, and I had no one to send them to but myself. I love my team and I enjoy the "people part" of my job more than anything else... but to continue my current project workload plus take on a team of fifteen plus have full responsibility for the relationship with our client... wow! That's enough to overwhelm anyone, me thinks.

A few weeks into the job, I was talking with my predecessor and former boss. He asked how it was going and oddly, much as I had on my plate... I was good! Truly, honestly good! He knew I was an "always stressed out" kind of person and I he was surprised at how much more relaxed I was, even with all the new responsibility. To tell the truth, I was surprised at myself. That's where The Serenity Prayer comes in.

For as long as I can remember, my prayers ask not for understanding, not (usually) for a specific result... but instead, for acceptance of whatever situation comes my way and the courage to do what I needed to do to face it. Without realizing it, I was praying the Serenity Prayer.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change."

It doesn't matter if I understand why something is happening, I have to trust that God has a reason for everything. It doesn't do me any good to ask, "why me?" What's the difference? How does that solve the problem? What does move me forward is to recognize it, accept it, and then find a plan of attack.

"Courage to change the things I can;"

Gosh, do I need courage! So many times, the "right thing to do" is so hard, the decisions so difficult, the risks and consequences so scary. I pray for courage, to do what I have to do to make things right.

"And wisdom to know the difference."

This, my friends, is the key. Acceptance of what I cannot change and courage to change what I can don't make a bit of difference if I don't know the difference between the two. Yes, I have more on my plate than I can ever get done in a day. That hasn't changed. What has changed is my outlook and my attitude. I know I can't do it all, can't change it all. Instead of stressing out about everything, I focus on what I can do something about, and that's what I do. I know going in that I can't finish it all, and instead, I do the best I can with the time I have and consider that my accomplishment, not a completed to-do list. Acceptance and Courage are nothing without Wisdom, at least not in my book.

19 ounces

2008-02-01T10:51:00.001-05:00

19 ounces. That's how much my 19 1/2 month old little girl has gained in the past 6 weeks. This is very good news for us, as we've been struggling with weight issues with her and in the previous 6 weeks, she had lost 9.5 ounces.

Yes, I've eaten steaks that weigh more than what she gained this time around, but I'm still considering it a very major accomplishment! Her pediatrician wants to repeat some blood tests (uugghh!) just to be sure everything is still OK, and he said we should now stop catering to her picky eating habits. But, we don't have to take her back for another weight check until her 2 year old checkup (in June), versus every 6 weeks like we've been doing.

The size 12 month pants still fall off her and she's still below 0% on "the curve." But, she's moving in the right direction and this mommy couldn't be happier! She's still my Spectacular Thing in the Not-Quite-As-Small-Anymore package :-)

My Two Cents

2008-01-28T20:55:00.000-05:00

This morning after I dropped the baby at daycare, I stopped for gas and went in to the mini-mart to buy snacks (peanut butter cups and Pepsi - breakfast of champions!). My total came to $3.78 and I handed the clerk a $20 bill.

"Out of twenty," she said. "$16.22 is your change."

Normally, I don't count the coins, just the bills. As she handed me my change, however, I noticed that she'd given me a ten, a five, a one and two dimes. Twenty cents, not twenty-two.

"Hhhmmm," I thought, "she just said twenty-two."

I wasn't going to say anything, but I happened to catch her eye, just in time to see her rolling her eyes at me as she asked, "Do you need the two cents?"

Well, that's an interesting question. Do I need the two cents? No, I don't need the two cents. Quite honestly, I don't even want the two cents. My purse is heavy enough. But aren't they my two cents? What was she going to do with them? There was no "take a penny, leave a penny" jar on the counter. Did she have a giant stash of pennies behind the counter? Saving for a rainy day? Was she out of pennies? I have no idea... I was totally stumped on what to say. She asked a question, was she expecting a response?

I thought about getting upset, saying something sarcastic. But, I figured if she was going to go to the trouble of keeping my two pennies, then admitting (sort of) that she didn't give them to me, then asking me the (rhetorical?) question about if I needed the two cents, then clearly, she wanted them more than I did.

"Nope, I sure don't," I replied with a smile. And then I left.

I'm fine with two fewer pennies... I just wish I knew what she did with them!

Good thing, bright red package

2008-01-18T09:40:00.000-05:00

Lest anyone think I play favorites... I don't! Yesterday I blogged about my baby, Jessica. Today, I'll write about my other little girl, Rachel. My other good thing, in a bright red package!

During my first pregnancy, my husband and I teased each other a lot about what color hair our first born was going to have. I'm blond, he has dark brown hair and I'm not sure why, but we had a little "competition" going on which of our genes was going to win out. Here's how the delivery went....

I was at the hospital, doing "practice pushes" with the nurse when all of a sudden she shouted, "Stop! She's in a hurry to come out, I need to go call the doctor." In the 20 minutes it took for the doctor to arrive, before we could finish the delivery, the nurse tried to amuse me with small talk. "I can see a lot of hair," she told me. Of course, she couldn't tell what color.

When Rachel made her debut (only 4 pushes later after the doctor arrived -- God bless her for making it so easy on me!), the nurse announced not "it's a girl," but "she's a redhead!" My husband turned to me and said, completely straight-faced, "um, anything you need to tell me?" You could have heard a pin drop in that room as the doctors and nurses stopped cold in their tracks to wait for my response. If you know my husband, you know that this is just his sense of humor, he was making a joke. If you know our family, you know that his cousin has two kids with bright red hair, so Rachel fits right in. The red is not a mystery, we just never considered that blond + dark brown = redhead!

She's so much like me, it's almost scary. She's smart and thoughtful and most important, kind. She's sensitive and emotional and strives to make everyone happy. She's also organized and meticulous and she does NOT like it when her plans don't go her way. Yes, she's Mini-Me.

Rachel is almost 4 1/2 now. She and her sister are total opposites. Rachel organizes, Jessie destroys. Rachel listens, Jessica laughs as she does exactly the opposite of what you tell her. Rachel is respectful of what her father and I say, Jessica makes her own rules. Night and Day, Black and White, these are my girls.

Do I have a favorite? Of course not. They're both my beautiful, perfect, precious little girls. Do I approach them the same? Of course not. They're totally different people, and I know how to parent each according to their own personalities. I love them the same, but I mother them differently. Is that right or wrong? I don't know. But, so far it seems to work for us, so we'll keep doing it.

Here's another picture of my little redhead (who's initials are R.E.D., by the way... a total coincidence since we picked her name months before we knew her hair color). She's playing with her little cousin, who can't seem to get enough handfuls of her bright, pretty hair. Of course, Rachel takes it all in stride and loves how his face lights up when he plays with her.

You know, this post and my last both had "good thing" in the title, but that's wrong... the right word is really "spectacular."

Good thing, small package

2008-01-17T09:41:00.000-05:00

She looks so deep in thought, doesn't she? Actually, she's glaring at her sister, who has run off with her ball....

This is Jessica, my baby. She's 19 months old and she's "too little." I realize I'm biased, but I think she's perfect. Unfortunately, her pediatrician does not agree.

Born almost 3 full weeks early, she weighed in at a healthy 6 pounds, 6 ounces. This put her in the 35th percentile for newborns, which was great given that she was early. This means that 35% of newborns are smaller than she was, 65% are bigger. She gained weighed between each of her checkups, but not as fast as other kids. She slipped from 35th% to 15th% to 5th%, where she remained for about 9 months. Then things changed.

From 12-15 months, Jessie-Boo gained only 2.5 ounces. This put her below 0% on "the curve." Great that she had gained, but she gained much less than her "normal" rate. The pediatrician said we needed to start checking her weight every 6 weeks instead of 12. If she continued to gain, even slowly, that was fine.

In the first 6 weeks after her 15 month checkup, she gained 3.5 ounces. Still below 0%, but a gain is a gain. In the next 6 weeks, though, she lost 9.5 ounces. That put her down 6 ounces in the 3 months from 15-18 months. Not a good thing.

The pediatrician checked (for the ump-teenth time) for a heart murmur, no sign of that. Blood tests were next. What a horrible experience, to have 4 people holding down a screaming, frightened little girl to get 6 vials of blood. I'll never forget her scream, or the looks on the faces of the people in the waiting room as we were leaving -- they were full of contempt and accusation that we'd do such a thing to such a tiny little girl.

Results came back: Nothing stands out. She was in the low end of the normal range on 2 things, but nothing worrisome to the pede.

Next, a urine sample. Yeah, right! You try to get a urine sample in a plastic sticky bag from a kid who wears diapers. We have tried multiple times, no luck. The next step is a catheter and I refuse to do that unless there are simply no options left.

Here's another picture of Jessie, taken last night. She weighs 18 pounds, 9 ounces, which is about average for a 9-12 month girl. She's 19 months. I use this picture because these are 12 month pajamas on her... you can see how big they are!

Am I worried about her? Actually, I'm not. Not about her health, anyway. We're not a big family. I'm just under 5'6" tall and on a fat day, I weigh in at 115 pounds fully dressed and soaking wet. My sister (who is 25) still buys most of her clothes in the children's department. My husband is the same height as me, and none of the women in his family are taller than 5 feet. I think that Jessie-Boo just happened to get the small genes, a super-high metabolism, and is just meant to be little. There are a lot worse things in life!

She has more energy than I've ever seen, she's a happy-go-lucky kid. She's cute and smart and funny and mine. In my eyes, she's perfect.

I'll continue to keep her on a high-calorie diet. I'll continue to check her weight and monitor her growth. But I'll also continue to know in my heart that she's just fine, she's just little. She's my good thing in a small package.

What I CAN do

2008-01-11T10:30:00.001-05:00

Luanne had a "thought worth thinking" on her blog the other day that captures the essence of something that's been bumping around in my head all week, it was too perfect not to blog about it. Here's the quote:

"At some point in my life I decided, rightly or wrongly, that there are many situations in this life that I can't do much about: acts of terrorism, feelings of nationalistic prejudice, cold war, etc. So what I should do is concentrate on the situations that my energy can effect." -Jim Henson-

Last Tuesday morning, I witnessed a horrific car accident on my way to work. One car flew into the air, flipped over and landed on it's roof. Another literally exploded, and it was clear to me that no was going to walk away from that car alive. It was on the opposite side of the road and I was not in danger (other than cars on my side braking quickly and swerving in disbelief), but I saw the entire thing and I can't get it out of my head.

When I got to work, I did an internet search on our local news channel website to get information. I almost never watch/read the local news, because I find it just too upsetting. The media seems to thrive on tragedy, not triumph, and it depresses me. (Yes, it's us, the consumers of the media that continue to facilitate this, but I still don't like the "whatever sells newspaper or gets website hits" approach.)

On this particular morning, the main headline on the local news site was about an undercover police detective who was found shot to death in his unmarked car in an alleyway. A gang member is under suspicion for the murder. A terrible car accident (the one I witnessed) killed one driver and injured others. And of course, in national news, Britney's car was impounded.

When I read things like this, it's easy to feel scared and helpless. (OK, maybe not so much about Britney, but I'll make my point about her in a minute.) It's easy to feel like so much in this world is out of my control... so much tragedy, so much violence, so much to worry about. But then I realized, it doesn't do anyone a bit of good to focus on all the things I can't control in this world. The only way to live is to focus on what I can do, no matter how "small" it may seem in the grand scheme of things. So, this entry is dedicated to things I CAN do, things I WILL do, to take responsibility for making this world a better place.

Why was that officer shot? I don't know. The eternal (naive?) optimist, I believe not in bad people, but in people who do bad things. But why? Why do some people do bad things (like shooting a police detective) and some people clearly know this behavior is ludicrous? I think it boils down to one thing: Poverty. Yes, poverty. I think that if everyone in this country had a decent standard of living... enough food to eat, enough clothes to wear, enough income that kids could go to school and get an education (and therefore a job and an income of their own) instead of dropping out... that there would be a lot less crime in this world. Can I erase allpoverty? Of course not. But here's what I can do:

When I see someone who is down on their luck, I can try to help them -- with an encouraging word, a few dollars, something to eat.
I can donate unused books to a local school or library -- give more kids the chance to learn to read.
I can put money in the bell ringer's bucket, or donate to a food drive or other charitable cause.
I can donate time to an organization such as Junior Achievement.
I can donate unneeded clothes or household goods to Goodwill or a woman's shelter, or other organizations that will make sure they get into the hands of people who need them.

Why did that car accident happen? I cringe to think about how easily it could have happened to me, or someone I know. Eleven months ago, it was me, with my baby in the back seat. Fortunately, the accident was not nearly as severe, but I still can't say "why" it happened. Can I prevent all car accidents? Of course not. But here's what I can do:

I can do my part to prevent road rage -- allow that driver who wants to cut in at the last second to do so, while refraining from using my horn or saluting with a finger.
I can choose not to use my cell phone while driving and if I must do so, always use my hands free.
I can stop reaching into the back seat to pick up a dropped sippy cup or book. My child will not suffer from dehydration if they have to wait 10 minutes to get their milk back.
I can drive at a reasonable speed, remembering that no meeting is as important as my life, or the lives around me.
I can stop and wait when the arrow is yellow, not try to be the third car that sneaks in the left before it turns red.

And yes, Brittey. No, I can most certainly not change Britney Spears. Wouldn't know where to begin. But here's what I can do:

I can refrain from buying publications that amount to nothing more than celebrity gossip.
I can refrain from clicking on links to "news" stories about celebrities and their troubles. Website hits = higher ad revenues = more desire to write these stories.
I can turn on the History Channel instead of Extra! while making dinner. There's just no need for me to see pictures of half-naked, drugged up celebrities. Who benefits from that, other than the pockets of the people who own those "news" sites and shows? Certainly not Britney's kids.

Yes, maybe these are little things, a drop in the bucket. But what if we all decided that we CAN make a difference, and all did just these few small things? And what if we got our friends to do them, too, and their friends, and their friends? Imagine a world with no more poverty, no more horrific accidents, no more celebrity-obsessed tabloids in the checkout lines? I like that idea...

The Year in Review

2008-01-02T09:22:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year! I hope this meets you in good health, with great memories of the holiday season and bright plans for 2008! I had a good 2007 and I know that great things are in store for the new year. Here's a quick recap of my last year and some goals for the one which lies ahead.

2007 started with a bang... well, a crash, actually. In mid-February, my minivan was totaled when I was hit from behind during morning rush hour traffic. Praise the Lord, my 8-month-old daughter and I were both physically not harmed, though I admit that the accident took an emotional toll on me that I was not prepared for. I spent the first part of 2007 struggling with the aftermath and I didn't reveal to many people how hard that time was for me. Thank God for my wonderful, supportive, loving husband (Craig) and a small group of amazing, close friends who helped me through that awful time.

March brought the birth of our first niece/nephew, with Baby Derek arriving about 3 weeks early. I was blessed to meet him when he was just 1 week old, due to a business trip I was taking to New York City. In May, my baby sister finished her 7th (and final) year of college, with her Master's Degree in Counseling Psychology. In June, my own baby (Jessica) turned one and in August my older daughter (Rachel) turned four. Jessie had a big party at home in Florida, and Rachel and my sister had a combined party with all our friends and family in Upstate New York, where we spent a week visiting in August.

This fall, Rachel started pre-K and we were blessed with the birth of another little cousin, Justin, in September. On September 14, my life as a non-smoker began. In October, we were saddened by the passing of Craig's grandmother at the age of almost 94 and Jessica moved from a private sitter (family member) to daycare. We've continued to struggle with weight gain issues for Jessie-Boo, but know in our hearts that "just little" is a perfectly valid possibility. At the end of this year, I received a big promotion at work and we made it through the holiday season with only 1 major meltdown (1 minor one, too, but hey -- details!). My parents and sister came from New York for Christmas and my parents celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary on December 23rd with all 3 of their kids and both granddaughters. All in all, it was a good year, full of blessings and character-building challenges. I know that 2008 will be even better.

I stopped making New Year's Resolutions a few years back. I've never had much success with them and though the beginning of a brand new year seems like it should be a good time to wipe the slate clean and start anew, I think that change comes from within your heart, and the timing has to be when you're truly ready, not when the calendar page turns another year. Looking back at my goal to Be a Non-Smoker this past fall, no one could have told me that "today" was the day to make a change... I had to be ready, I had to be willing, I had to be able. Fortunately, that goal was met, and I feel like SuperGirl, pretty much.... but I learned (through dozens of previous, failed attempts to be a non-smoker) that you can't always make yourself ready when you're not. Every day is a new day and a new chance to make a change.

That said, I do have three goals for 2008, though they're more "theories for life" than actual resolutions. These are goals I've been thinking about and struggling with for a long time, but now I think I'm ready to take them all on.

Remain a non-smoker. This will be a life-long goal, but seems worthy of my list, especially for 2008.
Simplify. This means a lot of things, and I'm not attaching anything specific to this goal. I'm not necessarily out to reduce my worldly possessions by half or begin walking barefoot with flowers in my hair. However, I know that I'm the type of person (classic Type A) who will over-complicate things (unintentionally) or add unnecessarily (and unconsciously) to my own stress level, in a quest to have the perfect everything. My new goal is very Zen: Identify that which is most important to me and eliminate everything else.
Take better care of myself. This goes hand-in-hand with #2 and again, this could mean a lot of things and again, I'm not attaching anything specific. I'd love to loose a few pounds, drink 8 bottles of water a day, find a few hours of alone time each week to nap or read or do Kat Things. But, the goal is nothing specific... the goal is just to stop and think more about myself, about doing things for my body and my mind that take myself into account. I'm really great at trying to be SuperMom and SuperWife and SuperWorker and SuperEverything, and I always put myself last on the priority list. I have no plans to think only of myself, but this goal is to remember to consider ME in the equation along with everyone else, and give myself equal weight in my decision making process.

As 2008 gets underway, I hope that you find yourself blessed beyond measure and thankful in advance for the year that lies ahead... may 2008 be your happiest, healthiest year yet!

Rachel's Kindness

2007-12-17T09:35:00.000-05:00

Bloggers Unite challenges bloggers everywhere, on December 17th, to do something good offline — an act of kindness — and then post about it on their blogs. The Acts of Kindness bloggers unite challenge aims at putting a human face on bloggers who are responsible for so much good in the world. The goal is to expose their kindness and generosity as well as serve as an example to non-bloggers that volunteering for a charity, donating to a cause, or simply doing something kind for another person has a ripple effect around the world.

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I have been granted a world full of blessings... good health, a good job, great friends and most important of all, an amazing family. I have two beautiful daughters, both of whom remind me daily that God is good. Today, I take on the Bloggers Unite challenge by blogging not about myself, but about one of my greatest blessings in life, my beautiful little girl, Rachel.
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Technically, I'm not following the Bloggers Unite rules. I'm supposed to do the Act of Kindness today and then write about it... but the deeds Rachel has already done are too important to be overlooked, and I want to make sure she gets credit for her kindness, especially when it was done so generously and without prompting.
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Rachel is 4 years old. She's smarter than most 6 years olds... most 16 years old, too. She has an amazing memory and a desire to learn all things, all the time. But much more important than her brain, I think, is her great big heart.
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As a mom, there are so many things I try to teach my children, and as a mom, nothing could make me more proud than to watch Rachel living one of the most important lessons I've tried to teach her: Be kind to others and the world.
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Inspired by the good people at CoolPeopleCare, I decided to take on the Make a Difference Day challenge on October 27 by organizing a "get out, do good" event for my local community. For our event, we visited an assisted living community near our home. Along with some other volunteers, we gave "mini makeovers" to almost 20 women there. They had a great time being pampered, but even more fun watching the kids that we brought along with us. Rachel had such a great time with "the grandmas" that she asked to go back and visit again.
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On Thanksgiving Day, we spent some time in the afternoon sharing our family with the residents there who didn't have family close by for the holiday. My husband and I called a game of BINGO! while Rachel visited with her "grandma friends." The following weekend, Rachel and I helped decorate for the holidays, and Rachel refused to leave until each and every one of "her grandmas" had a hand drawn picture to hang in their room. Two weekends ago, Rachel patiently and meticulous helped me make holiday decorations, which we stopped by to "quickly drop off" this past weekend. Rachel, however, was unwilling to drop them off and leave. She wanted to hand one ornament out to each of the residents. She walked around the room, picking an ornament to match each person's outfit. Ms. Caroline was wearing green so she got a Christmas tree. Ms. Elsie was wearing blue, so she got a blue stocking. She gave each resident a hug and a smile and an ornament. They love to see her when she visits, and she loves them all right back.
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I'm not sure if Rachel really understands the magnitude of the difference she's making. I have lots of other stories about Rachel's big heart, her desire to help those less fortunate, and the beautiful examples of her kindness in action. The most amazing part, though, is that her motives are so pure. She knows that she's putting a smile on someone else's face, which in turn puts a smile on hers. And of course, all those smiles put a smile not only on my face, but also in my heart.
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So Rachel, my amazing, beautiful, selfless little girl... know that Mommy loves you and admires you and is more proud of you than you will ever know. If everyone in this world was even a fraction as kind and open and loving as you are, this world would be such a better place. Thank you for being so kind, so loving, and for making me so proud. Today and always, I love you!

Bloggers Unite in Acts of Kindness

2007-12-15T17:58:00.000-05:00

The words here are not mine, they are taken from http://unite.blogcatalog.com/, but the words in this space on December 17 will be. If you have a blog, I encourage you to join this great cause. If you read a blog, I encourage you to pass this information on to that blogger.

"Bloggers Unite is an initiative designed to harness the power of the blogosphere to make the world a better place. By challenging bloggers to blog about a particular social cause on a single day, a single voice can be joined with thousands of others to help make a real positive difference; from raising awareness for cancer, to an effort to better education systems or support 3rd world countries."

The next event will take place on Monday, December 17:

"On Monday, December 17th, post about some act of kindness you performed — making a donation, helping someone move, volunteering your time, or even something as simple as paying someone an unexpected compliment — and then share your story with a post, photo, or video on your blog. It's easy to do good so please join us. This is our chance to show the world that bloggers have heart online and off. Every post will count!"

Be sure to register at http://unite.blogcatalog.com/ to be eligible to win awards and prizes based on your post!

Be Thankful

2007-11-21T09:22:00.001-05:00

It's that time of year again when everyone starts talking about thankfulness and blessings. I love the opportunity to stop and reflect on all that I have, all I've been blessed with, especially since the day-to-day can often get in the way of remembering these things as often as I should.

A while back, I blogged about some of my blessings in life and how I was trying hard to remember to be thankful for them every single day, not just taking life for granted. Luanne starting doing that on her blog, with a daily list of gifts she's thankful for. For the entire month of November, Julie has blogged every day about 5 things she's thankful for. What great inspirations, both of them!

This morning I decided to randomly look up a website, just to see what would be there: www.BeThankful.com. It's a quaint little site with some wonderful thoughts and nice reminders, definitely check it out. On the main page I found this quote, which I like very much:

"If the only prayer you ever say in your life is thank you,

it will be enough." (Meister Eckhart)

I'm going to pin this quote up next to my computer, in my car, and on my fridge. May it remind me today, tomorrow, and always, to say THANK YOU for my life, for my blessings, for my gifts. But more than that, let me also remember to spread my blessings to others, even if only in very small ways, and to instill this same idea in my children. On Thanksgiving, my husband, 2 daughters and I will spend a few hours in the afternoon playing BINGO and board games with residents at an assisted living facility near our home. On Thanksgiving Day (and always, really!) I want my family not only to remember how much we have to be thankful for, but to also see how important (and easy) it is to share our blessings with other people. This year, we'll share "family togetherness" with people who don't have their family close for the holiday. Sure, playing BINGO might not change the world, but I already know that Grandma Caroline will be smiling for days after we leave because she "got to hug her little redhead" again. Sometimes, what's a little thing to you makes a big difference to someone else.

Here are just 3 of the things I'm especially thankful for this year. Of course, my family, our health, gainful employment, all those "standard" things apply. Below are three things I didn't have last year at this time, but will be thankful for every day from here on out:

Balance! Though I'd definitely like to work less, commute less, stress less and be with my family more, I have to say that I've struck a pretty decent balance in the last many months. My stress level is not high, my workload (at the office) is not too much, and I feel like family life is pretty good. Sure, I have my days... but no one thing is completely out of whack for any real period of time, and for this I am thankful!
Doing Good. For years and years I've talked about the "difference" I want to make in the world... volunteer work, charitable donations, starting a business or a website to promote either of these things. And, over the years, I have done a little bit of each. However, never as much as I think I should. This year, I reconnected with a great group called CoolPeopleCare, who reminded me that sometimes it's the little things that make a big difference. With this in mind, I've started a Making a Difference group in my housing development (complete with website and volunteer activities for all ages). I've gotten my family involved in "doing good" and this year I'm actually doing and not talking about doing.
Being a non-smoker. I was a pack/day smoker for the better part of 13 years. I have not had a cigarette since September 13. For this, I am thankful!

This year, as you're sitting down for your holiday meal, be thankful not only for the food you're about to eat and the people you're about to share it with... but also all those other daily blessings you have that you might not always remember to count. May they be endless on Thanksgiving and always!

Girlfriends Get It

2007-11-13T16:31:00.000-05:00

There are some things in life that just cannot be explained to a man. They will just never make sense, no matter how obvious they appear to you, the woman. And it's not because there's a "right" or a "wrong," but because -- when it comes to certain things -- they just can't think like we do.

Several months ago, my friends Heather and Joe were visiting from out of town. After dinner, Heather helped to clear the table, neatly stacking dishes in the sink as I put away leftovers. She said to me, "I'll wash them all by hand, but I will not load another woman's dishwasher." This made absolute, perfect sense to me, and I thanked her for her consideration. My husband, on the other hand, got a puzzled look and asked what any man would ask. "Why not?"

"Because," Heather said, "she'll just rearrange them all after I'm gone." You know what? She was right, and I love her for saving me the trouble!

Last month, my best friend from home came to visit for a few days, along with her husband and son. It's the first time she's been to my home in the 4 years we've lived in it. Of course, I made sure there were clean sheets on the guest bed and the bathroom was in order. I even bought some wine. But when she arrived, I told her "I did not clean my house for you." She told me she appreciated the compliment, and that was exactly why we'd been such good friends for so many years. Now tell me, how many men could really get that??

Last week, Luanne blogged about her Ratatouille party. She said in her post: I don't know why we are holding stuffed animals - except they were in the kitchen at the time of the picture. Luanne? Holding stuffed animals in pictures for no apparent reason will never require an explanation when it comes to girlfriends (or sisters or daughters, or pretty much any other women on the planet). Also, I'll have to find/post some of my own "matching PJs" pics 'cause you're right, everything's more fun with your matching PJs on!

Happiness....

2007-10-30T16:50:00.001-04:00

.... is when the only thing bigger than the smile is the glasses.

.... is "going shopping" with your sis.

.... is knowing someone will always keep your spot warm for you.

.... is playing so hard that you can't even keep your eyes open until the end of the show.

.... is two happy little chickens in a basket.

October 27

2007-10-26T15:49:00.000-04:00

October 27th... not only is it my 32nd birthday, it's the 17th Annual Make a Difference Day! Make A Difference Day is the most encompassing national day of helping others -- a celebration of neighbors helping neighbors.

Created by USA WEEKEND Magazine, Make A Difference Day is an annual event that takes place on the fourth Saturday of every October. Millions have participated. In 2005, 3 million people cared enough about their communities to volunteer on that day, accomplishing thousands of projects in hundreds of towns.

If you've got even 10 minutes to spare this weekend, check out the Make a Difference Day website for lots more info and great ways you can Make a Difference!

On Saturday, I've recruited some neighbors (along with my husband and kids) to spend time at an assisted living facility near our home. In the morning, we'll be giving the women mini-makeovers and probably singing karaoke. In the afternoon, we'll be calling a game of Bingo! In addition, we're collecting unused eyeglasses and cell phones, empty ink cartridges and canned goods to donate to organizations that can put them to good use.

If you do volunteer, please post a comment to let me know... I'll consider that my birthday gift :-)

Hooray for honesty!

2007-10-22T21:10:00.000-04:00

Some will say there aren't many honest people left in this world, but today, I was blessed with several of them.

Around 10am, my mother-in-law called to say she got a phone call from someone looking for me, the woman left her phone # but wouldn't say what she was calling about. I called her back, and it was a woman who works at our local Goodwill store. Seems that someone had turned in a wallet that they'd found on the floor while shopping there, and in the wallet were credit cards with my name on them. The lady at Goodwill looked up the last name in the phone book and got my mother-in-law.

I knew this wallet was missing more than 18 months ago. No idea what happened... if I lost it, left it in an old purse, I just knew I couldn't find it. I knew what cards were in it, cancelled them all and periodically checked that there was no activity. No problems, thank goodness!

Today I went to Goodwill to pick up the wallet and would you believe that every single card was still there?? I thought maybe I'd left it in a purse I'd donated, but the woman at the store told me that the place I donate to ships it's donations to a store to the north, this was to the south. She said it wouldn't have ended up there. But somehow, my wallet ended up on the floor at Goodwill. An honest person picked it up and turned it in. And another honest lady tracked me down and saved it for me. Neither one of them took a single thing. Tell that one to the cynics!

Last time I was at my dermatologist, they told me my deductible was met, I only had to pay 15% of the fee. The woman did some quick punching on her calculator, gave me a total, and I wrote her a check... didn't bother to check the math. Today, I got a check for $12.33 from that office, with a hand-written note from the payment lady there, apologizing for her fat-fingered error on the calculator. Here was my refund. Granted, it was technically my money in the first place, but she found her mistake and got the money back to me within a few weeks, without me noticing or saying a word. How often does that happen?

Two honest people in one day? Both to my benefit? Some days, the little things aren't so little! Hooray for honesty!

Nice Deed of the Day

2007-10-10T12:15:00.001-04:00

(Apologies in advance for the funky spacing on this post, Blogger is NOT cooperating with me today!)

This is Chip. I'll tell you about him in a few minutes...

I mentioned in my last post that I had donated a few dollars to a young man in uniform who was standing at a busy intersection collecting for a new Veteran's Assistance Center here in South Florida. Though I believe it's my duty as a human being who has been blessed with life on this planet to give back as much as I can, I admit that I also do it for selfish reasons, too... it makes me feel good! If you haven't consciously done a nice deed in a while (or even if you did one this morning), I've got some ideas for a few things you can do today, with barely a change in your normal routine, to make yourself feel good and help someone else out at the same time. I challenge you to give one of these a try. If you do, I'd love to hear about it!

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Ever been on a plane?

If you've ever signed up for a frequent flier program, there's a chance you're sitting on miles that (1) you don't use, or (2) you don't have enough of to buy a ticket. Rather than let them go to waste or use them to buy magazines you don't need, why not donate them to someone who could really use them? After all, 3,287 miles aren't going to get you anyplace... but they could make a huge difference to someone else. Click on one of these airline links for more info on their specific programs and partner charities:

American Airlines

Continental Airlines

Delta SkyWish Charities

United Airlines

US Airways Miles of Hope

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Ever have leftovers?

If your family is like mine, a full pound of pasta is too much for one meal but not enough for two. Sadly, we almost never eat leftovers. I've got 2 ideas on what to do with the unused pasta.

If you have a child in the house (or if you're a kid at heart), save out a handful of uncooked pasta (this works best with elbows or ziti.... spaghetti won't work). Find a piece of string and some other small holey items around the house (beads, small pieces of colored paper cut into shapes with a hole punched through the middle, etc.) and let your little one make a necklace. Wrap it in tissue paper and present it as a "just because" gift to a neighbor, friend from church or even the cashier at the grocery store. Watch both your child's and the recipient's face light up at this small act of kindness.
Cook the pasta like you normally would, but package up the leftovers in a disposable container. Pack it in a bag with plastic utensils and some napkins, and give it away. You might know of a homeless person who is always at a specific intersection, or you might have an elderly neighbor who doesn't always get a home cooked meal. Give someone a great dinner tonight that they might not otherwise have.

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Got kids?
My daughter (she's 4) is in love with her box of crayons. She'll draw pictures till the cows come home and I love every one she makes. The problem? She makes a LOT of them. I have stacks and stacks and stacks of pictures that I can't bear to throw away but don't know what to do with. After wallpapering half the house with her drawings, even framing the "most special" ones, I still have dozens left. A lot of them look exactly the same... this month every picture has a house, a rainbow, a tree, a lake, grass, a sunshine, 2 clouds and a bird. What am I going to do with all these pictures? I'm going to give them away. To a nursing home, maybe the VA hospital, a friend down the road who had surgery and could use a good pick-me-up. Might seem like a small thing, but who's day wouldn't be a little bit brighter when they receive a home made piece of artwork from a little girl with a big heart? Of course, I'll have her sign them all so that some day when she's famous, they can sell the pictures on eBay.

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Got 5 minutes?

Yes, you do! You really do!! Earlier I said I donated money to a man on a street corner. Though my $2 won't go very far, I've been counting... there's an average of 18 cars stopped at each intersection on my ride home at any given red light. If every car that stopped dropped just 50 cents into that bucket, that guy would collect $9 every 90 seconds. Imagine the cumulative effort of only 1 hour's work? Think of the number of veterans that could be served with the change that's just hanging out in our cupholders. It's this "cumulative effort" theory that stands behind this little guy, my new friend Chip.

Chip is from CoolPeopleCare, an organization I can't say enough wonderful things about. CoolPeopleCare is aiming to be THE online destination for anyone who wants to make a difference, and all it takes is 5 minutes a day. They're full of ideas on how to make your community and your world a better place, things that make a huge cumulative impact but you may never think of on your own. Bookmark the site, or sign up for their daily email newsletter and let them come right to you every day.

Want to learn more? Check out their site, see what they're all about, what they believe. If you like what you see, you can even order a copy of their new book for yourself, or to give to a friend. (I've already preordered five, and will give them as gifts along with some fun stickers and t-shirts).

Come on, take 5 minutes out of your day... you'll be glad that you did!

("Chip" logo used by permission from Sam at CoolPeopleCare)

He Already Has

2007-10-03T09:21:00.000-04:00

Last night on my way home from work, I was waiting for the green arrow so I could turn left at a very busy intersection. Standing in the median was a young man in uniform, collecting donations for a new Veteran's Assistance Center that's opening up nearby. I flagged him down and he said, "God Bless You" as I dropped a few dollars in his bucket. My response was the same as it always is: "He already has."

I would never call myself a "religious" person, and some might even question how "good" a Christian I actually am... I don't attend church regularly, I've never read the Bible from beginning to end, and I married a Jewish guy. What I hope no one ever questions is that I'm a good person, that I do good things, and that I strive every day to leave the world a nicer place than I found it, whether through my words, my actions, my time, my money, or most importantly, my children. There's another post brewing in my head about "doing good things," but this one is about God.

It frightens me a little bit to blog about God, actually. It's not because I think he'd disapprove, but because I know there are people out there who can do Him a lot more justice, who can probably get it "more right" than I can. So this post is about my relationship with God, my thoughts about God, my opinions and perspectives and random thoughts only.

How many times have I prayed when something is wrong? When I need help? When I need answers? Strength? Healing? Acceptance? How many times have I prayed when something is right? When I don't need anything, except to say "thank you for my blessings?" The former certainly outweighs the latter, but it's something I'm working on every day... saying Thank You to Him for my blessings, and to remember that I truly do have a blessed life.

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In late 1998, an oncologist said "cancer" and "complete hysterectomy" to me in the same breath. I was 23 years old, engaged, and the rest of that conversation is a blur. God sent me a ladybug, and I fought back. I refused to accept that course of action, and today I have two perfect little girls that remind me daily that I made the right choice. Why did God put cancer in my path? Why did he give me that ladybug to remind me not to give up? Would I have loved my children just as much, been as grateful for them, been as amazed by them every day if I'd never been told I couldn't have them in the first place? Maybe. Or maybe, I would have taken them for granted, would have let my career come first, been just another corporate bee who happened to have kids, instead of a mommy who happens to have another job, too. At the time, I asked God why. Today, I thank him for the lesson and the blessing.

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When my grandfather passed away unexpectedly in late August 2001, I again questioned God. Grandpa was only in his early 70's. He was a good person. He volunteered his time. He had so few "things" but would give you anything he owned if you needed it. If he didn't have it, he'd borrow it from someone else and loan it to you. I didn't get to say goodbye. Why did this happen? Again, God gave me ladybugs.

On my flight home from his funeral, I took a puddle-jumper plane from central New York into New York City for my connecting flight to Florida. I'd flown in and out of NYC over at least 200 times, I'd seen the city from the air at all times of day, from all directions. This time, though, the plane flew east to the Bronx, and then turned south down the west side of Manhattan. For the first time ever, I got to see Yankee Stadium from the air. (If you've ever been to the stadium -- Yankees fan or not -- you'll know why this is so special.) The people next to me were asleep so I didn't feel guilty about hogging the entire window, my nose almost pressed to the glass. We flew past Central Park, the sun shining through the trees. The light bounced off the top of the Empire State Building before we passed Times Square. I looked in awe at the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center, towers I'd been in more times than I could count from working in the building next door for 6 months and taking the WTC subway every day. We flew south past the Statue of Liberty and looped back around before heading into LaGuardia. I'd seen most of this view so many times, but that day, it was as if I was seeing it for the very first time. That memory is cemented in my brain. I wondered at the time if my grandpa had ever seen that view, but realized his view was now much better than my own.

Two weeks later, terrorists brought down those towers. Suddenly, I understood why God called my grandpa when He did, and why the pilot took that route on my flight home. As a part of the Salvation Army's Disaster Relief Team, my grandfather would have been the first one to volunteer to go to Ground Zero. They would have told him he was too old, his health was not stable enough. God knew Grandpa would be a great asset, and decided to use him in His own way to help in the aftermath. There's no doubt in my mind that Grandpa was standing right inside the gates of Heaven when those people arrived, ready to do whatever he could. And that pilot's flight path was also a gift, a "one last look" before the world changed. There are no more questions about "why," only prayers of thanks for the blessings.

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My husband and I were in the process of having our first home built during my first pregnancy. The house was running behind schedule and we moved in only 6 weeks before my due date. I was anxious to get the nursery done, get all the boxes unpacked, blinds hung and fans installed before the baby arrived. Only two things were left: buy a small TV for the guest room (my parents were planning to visit for a while after the baby was born) and make one last set of curtains (also for the guest room).

It was a Saturday afternoon, the curtains were cut, pinned and ready to sew. My in-laws called with an offer to take us to dinner, then to BrandsMart to pick up the TV. We had a great dinner and were waiting to have the TV loaded into their car when, much to my surprise, my water broke. Well, actually, started to leak. It was too soon! She wasn't due for 3 more weeks and there were things unfinished on my list! I didn't tell anyone until after we'd gotten home and my in-law's left. My husband told me to call the doctor. I wasn't in labor, so I ignored him and instead just to bed.

On Sunday morning (and still not in labor!) I called my mom, who convinced me to call the doctor, who convinced me to go to the hospital to get checked. I cried the whole way. It was too soon! What if she's not fully developed? Who's going to make those curtains? This is not my plan! I asked "why" the whole way there.

After she was born (she was perfectly healthy), I learned that another woman who I knew casually from an online "due date club" during my pregnancy also had her little girl on the very same day. Her daughter didn't want to come out, and mine was 3 weeks early. Why did things not go "right" for either one of us? We started talking more and more frequently about our stories and our little "birthday twins." It's been over 4 years now, and she and I still talk every day. There's not a thing in the world she doesn't know about me, and we're only half joking when we say the other one has half of our own brain. We finish sentences, we know what the other is thinking, and we just "get it." She lives more than half way across the country, and who knows when we'll even get to meet in person. But still, she's my "sister" and one of my very best friends. I used to ask "why" my daughter arrived early, now I thank God for the blessing her early arrival brought to me.

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I could go on and on (as if I haven't already!), but I'm at a point in my life where things just seem to look more like blessings than problems. There's a silver lining everywhere, a big ole' pot of gold, if I'm just willing to look. Some days that's a lot more difficult than others, and sometimes it takes days, weeks or months to find it, even if it's been in front of my face all along. So today, and everyday, I will do my best to remember to thank God for my blessings, to say Thank You for all that's right in my life, to remember that when it comes to blessing me, He already has... beyond measure.

Nice Matters

2007-10-01T13:59:00.000-04:00

Last week, Julie at The Surrendered Scribe gave me my first ever blog award, called "Nice Matters." Wasn't that nice? I had no idea you could get a blog award, but I'm honored and I love it. Now I have the opportunity to pass it on to someone else who makes a difference.

A few months ago, I stopped by one of my favorite sites, called Cool People Care. On that site was a link to a blog called Sixty-Six Days, Luanne's story of the goals she was working on in the 66 days leading up to her 50th birthday. Her goals were not to change the world, but to make some positive impacts in her own life, and the lives of those around her. She ran 2 miles without stopping, she wrote a 30-story book, she lost some weight, and most importantly, she learned a lot about herself. Luanne's blog is a big part of what inspired me to add "Be a Non Smoker" to my 5 Things List.

After her 50th birthday, she started a new blog called Luanne @ 50. I'm enjoying this one just as much. Though the days following her 50th birthday were spent recovering from gall bladder surgery, she's back to jogging again, taking life at her own pace, and figuring out how she'd give away $100,000 if she stumbled across it.

I admit, I'm really bad about posting comments to blogs (I rarely ever do it, even when I'm inspired), but every one of her entries inspires me, or puts a smile on my face, or gives me the little nudge I need to get motivated for something.

So Lu, even though you don't know me, I'd like to pass this award on to you, because Nice really does Matter.

I am Supergirl

2007-09-27T09:46:00.000-04:00

A while back, Pepsi ran a promotion in conjunction with the Superman Returns movie, which included the big Superman "S" logo on the side of their cans. One night we had a friend over for dinner and he was teaching my daughter (who was not quite 3 at the time) that "S" was for Superman. After dinner, the two of them played Superman and Supergirl and for weeks after that, she would ask me, when she saw me drinking a Pepsi, if I was Supergirl, too. I was never sure how to answer, as I never quite felt like Supergirl... but to her, "Supergirl" just meant that I'd put on a pretend cape and pretend to fly around the house with her. To my little girl, I was Supergirl.

If you've read my past few blog posts, you'll know that I have recently quit smoking. This has been a HUGE step for me and though I'm only 2 weeks in, I really believe that finally, this is the time that's going to work for me. I was ready, I was motivated, and I'm doing it! Though I'm a perfectionist at heart and my own most critical reviewer (I always feel like no matter what I've done, I always could have done it a little bit better), I have to admit that with the smoking thing, I feel awesome about myself. There's nothing I could have done better, and I am so stinkin' proud!

This weekend I was shopping at my favorite discount store, on my way to the checkout. As I was walking by the aisle with the pocketbooks, I noticed a display of baseball caps. One in particular caught my attention... it was a navy blue hat with a big pink "S" logo on the front. Supergirl. The front of the brim was intentionally frayed in a few places, exposing pink underneath. Made the hat look loved and worn. It was a hat a young person would wear. This hat was cool!

I intended to keep walking toward the checkout, but I couldn't. I had to go see the hat. $9. Not bad. I picked it up. I tried it on. I found a mirror to see how it looked. I put it back. I picked it up again. Why couldn't I put this hat down? The debate started in my head:

"You really don't need another hat."

"But this hat is cute! I love this hat!"

"Superman? You've never even seen the movie!"

"I just got a raise and quit smoking. I deserve a treat. And besides, this hat is only $9. What's the big deal here?"

"Daughter is going to take this hat from you, you'll never get to wear it anyway."

"Fine, so if she loves it that much, I'll come back and buy her one, too."

I bought that hat. Of course, once I get started, I can't stop myself. I also picked up a $6 pink t-shirt to match it. Mind you, I've never really been a fan of pink. Too girly. But lately, I've been drawn to it. A few weeks ago, I even let Daughter (now age 4) talk me into buying a pink cell phone when I went to get my old one replaced. My sister just sent me a pink purse. And now, I choose a hat with a pink Superman logo, and then a pink t-shirt, too? What's going on with me?

So I take the Supergirl hat home. I put it on to show Hubby. I'm feeling pretty darn hip in this hat, I have to say. "You bought a ripped hat?" he asks me.

"Yes, I think it looks cool." He rolls his eyes, but admits the hat is nice.

I got thinking about it more and I've decided that this really is the perfect hat for me. Yes, folks, I am Supergirl. And not only to my 4-year-old. I am Supergirl to myself, and it feels pretty darn good. Though I've got some visible frays and scars on the outside, underneath is a beautiful person. On the outside I may be plain and not overly girly, but I am strong and amazing underneath. And right there in the middle, for everyone to see? Supergirl.

After quitting smoking I know this more than ever: I am capable of anything. I might not be invincible, but I know I can face any challenge head-on and nothing is too big to get through. I might fall down and get a few scrapes, but underneath, I am still strong and determined and yes, sometimes girly. Yes, I am Supergirl.

The Good, The Bad and The (hopefully not so) Ugly

2007-09-13T10:57:00.000-04:00

My husband often asks me, "which do you want first, the good news or the bad news?" I usually ask for the bad news first, with the hope that the good news is so good, the bad news won't matter. Today, though, I'll start with the good news first, because it's just too good to wait for!

As I've posted before, I'm working on a goal to "Be a Non-Smoker." Yesterday was my last day as a smoker. Today, I am a non-smoker. Wow, that was easy... yesterday I was a smoker, and today I am not. Clearly, it remains to be seen if I'm still a non-smoker this afternoon, and tomorrow, and next week and next month, but at least for right now, in this moment, I am a non-smoker.

Unlike with weight loss (something I know a lot of people struggle with and may be able to relate to more than smoking), I can just "declare" myself a non-smoker and as long as I don't light up, then I get to be just that. With weight loss, I can't just declare myself thin and be done with it. For me (as a smoker), this is the good news... I say it, and it's done! Easy as pie.

Of course, there's bad news, too... it's not really as simple as "just don't light up" anymore. Even with The Magic Pill I'm taking to help me, I still feel the signs of withdrawal (headache, inability to concentrate as much for a long period of time, etc.) and the habits are ingrained (reach for a smoke when I get in the car, when I'm hungry, before a long conference call is about to begin for work, etc.). So, the bad news is that I still have to work at not lighting up, and I know it'll be a rough row to hoe, but I'm ready!

With The Good and The Bad usually comes The Ugly, which may well be how I'm acting a few days from now (Quit Day 3 has historically been the hardest for me). However, for now I choose to focus on The Good (I'm a non-smoker) and will mitigate The Bad (cravings and withdrawal) as it comes, in order to avoid The Ugly. Look how much progress I've made already:

Within X time after my last cigarette (last night at 10:02pm):

20 minutes - My blood pressure, pulse rate, and the temperature of my hands and feet all returned to normal.
12 hours - My blood oxygen level has increased to normal and carbon monoxide levels have have dropped to normal.

And I've got this to look forward to:

48 hours - Damaged nerve endings will have started to regrow and my sense of smell and taste will begin to return to normal.
72 hours - My entire body will test 100% nicotine-free and over 90% of all nicotine metabolites will now have passed from my body. I can also expect the symptoms of chemical withdrawal to have peaked in intensity. My bronchial tubes will have begun to relax thus making it easier to breathe. My lung capacity will have also started to increase.
10 days to 2 weeks - My body will have physically adjusted to again functioning without nicotine and the more than 3,500 chemical particles and 500 gases present in each and every puff.
2 weeks to 3 months - My heart attack risk will have started to drop. My lung function will have started to improve.
3 weeks to 3 months - My circulation will have substantially improved. Walking will have become easier. Any smoker's cough will have disappeared.
1 to 9 months - Any smoking related sinus congestion, fatigue or shortness of breath will have decreased. Cilia will have regrown in my lungs, thereby increasing their ability to handle mucus, keep my lungs clean, and reduce infections. My body's overall energy will have increased.
1 year - My excess risk of coronary heart disease will have dropped to less than half that of a smoker.
5 to 15 years - My risk of stroke will have declined to that of a non-smoker.
10 years - My risk of death from lung cancer will have declined by almost half . My risk of cancer of the mouth, throat and esophagus will have decreased.
15 years - My risk of coronary heart disease will be that of a person who has never smoked.

Source: WhyQuit.com

Gap Analysis

2007-09-07T11:55:00.001-04:00

In my 9-5 job, I work as a consultant. As consultants, we use lots of fancy-schmancy words (such as "deliverable" and "workobject" and "prioritization queue") in order to make ourselves sound important. Unfortunately, some of these words carry over into my "other" jobs (wife, mother, etc.) to the point that my husband often teases me that he can't do a home improvement project unless I first present to him "a design deliverable, in Power Point, with system flows and required signoffs."

If you've happened to read my other blog, you know that one of the things I'm working on in my personal life is to Be a Non Smoker. I've spent a good part of the past few weeks thinking about and planning for this goal, and in doing so, another fancy-schmancy term from work keeps ringing in my head, over and over again: Gap Analysis

What's a gap analysis? It's a simple concept, really. My job is basically to help large corporations improve their business and technology processes and infrastructure. To do this, the first step is to determine the current process and procedures. We call this the "as is." (Duh!) Next step is to determine how you want things to work in the future. We call this the "to be." (Again, duh!) The gap analysis is just what it sounds like... a long, hard look at the difference (gap) between what you have today and what you want to have tomorrow. (No, it's really not rocket science, but don't tell that to the people that hire us "consultants!") After that comes the "workplan," wherein you lay out all the detailed steps on how to get from "as is" to "to be," thus closing off the gap.

So as I've been thinking about "Be a Non Smoker," I've been doing some soul searching about why now, finally, is the time for me to do this and do it right. There are all the obvious reasons about why it's a good idea to stop smoking... it's unhealthy, it smells bad, etc. But I've tried to quit (with varying degrees of success) more times than I can count and every time I've quit, I've started back up again. Unhealthy and smelly don't seem to be enough to make me quit for good. I needed more than that. Enter my own personal gap analysis.

What it boils down to is that my "to be Kat" is not someone who smokes. She's not someone who relies on chemicals or settles for "I can't do it because it's too hard." This is not to say I'm a wuss... I've overcome pretty much everything else "bad" in my life, and I don't settle for much less than perfection in most things... but this smoking thing keeps kicking my butt, over and over again.

There are lots of other things I'd like to change about myself, some of them small and some of them big. Short of hitting the lottery, quitting my job and moving to a remote island in the South Pacific, some of them will never happen, and that's OK with me. It's a balance I need to find and accept for myself on which of the "as is" things can be incorporated into my life in a "this is OK with me" sort of way, which things I can change, and what a realistic, affordable "to be" looks like. My gap analysis is a work in progress (and the workplan is still in very early draft mode), but it's something I've been giving more and more thought to. What can I improve? What can I afford? What gives me the most bang for my buck vs. what might "cost" more (not necessarily in terms of money) but has the best CBA (cost benefit analysis -- another consulting buzzword).

Not sure where my gap analysis will lead me, though in my mind I'm working on an honest picture of my "as is" and thinking through what's a realistic, achievable "to be." I may or may not post more on it here, and these things may or may not end up on my 5 Things list. But... it's a great, honest, introspective exercise and if you haven't ever tried it, it's something you might also think about doing.

Though it's a lot of work (mentally, emotionally and maybe, even physically) to start tackling my "to be Kat" list, I hope that even when this exercise is done, there will be more to add. After all, what fun would life be if you knew that this is as good as it's going to get? There's always more to work on, always a way to improve, always a "next thing." My next thing is to Be a Non Smoker.... what's yours?

Perspective

2007-08-22T12:47:00.000-04:00

Saturday was a crazy day in our house, as Saturdays always are. 4-year-old fell asleep in the car on the way home from dance class registration (she's going to be a ballerina, you know). We let her sleep, but that meant lunch was late - not until around 2:30.

Sitting around the kitchen table to a feast of Kraft mac & cheese with hot dogs, lovingly prepared by my husband, we were surrounded by the sounds of total chaos. 4-year-old (who refuses to eat mac & cheese) had a sandwich in front of her, made from her very favorite things: ham, cheese, ranch dressing (instead of mayo) and multi-grain bread. Alone, she'd devour any one of them in an instant. But stack them together and convince her to take a bite? It would be less painful to have my teeth pulled without Novocain. She was having a melt-down.

1-year-old, who is more than happy to eat anything and everything in sight, was busy launching macaroni and hot dogs off the tray of her high chair and onto the floor, all the while screaming because Hubby refused to hand her a bottle full of water he was drinking from.

Doggie was hiding under the table, trying to stay out of the middle of all this, though occasionally venturing out to gobble all the food that was landing on the floor in front of him. Hubby and I, trying to hear each other over the screaming, were trying to figure out what we did in life to deserve the constant drama. We deserved a vacation, we decided. Better yet, a nap.

Hubby and I spent the rest of the weekend trying to navigate the waters of our busy, insane, LOUD household, and made frequent comments to each other about what a zoo our place was. In spite of the fact that 1-year-old is truly the happiest, cutest child to ever walk (er, crawl) the face of the earth (biased? me?), she is a complete and total menace. A true troublemaker and into everything, I think her motto in life must be "the louder and messier, the better." 4-year-old, who happens to be amazingly beautiful and much smarter and more articulate than the "average" 4-year-old (again, no bias!), is also the most dramatic person I have ever met in my life. There is no such thing as black & white with her... it's all very complex shades of gray, which she will explain to you in excruciating detail, and then sob like she's lost her best friend when her own perspective is even half a shade off from yours. By Monday morning, I think Hubby and I were both almost relieved to go back to work.

And then on Monday, I read about Miles.

Click on the link, read his story. If you're short on time, this one from Anderson Cooper (of CNN) sums it up the best. Trust me, it'll help you put your life in perspective, and very, very quickly.

Last night, Hubby again made a comment about the insanity that is our life together. I'll tell you, like I told him... I'm glad for the insanity. I'm thankful for the togetherness. I'm grateful for the time we have, insane or not, and never again will I wish myself away from it, even for a nano-second.

"The way I see it, we're not entitled to one breath of air. We did nothing to earn it, so whatever we get is bonus. I might be more than a little disappointed with the hand I've been dealt, but this is what it is. Thinking about what it could be is pointless. It ought to be different, that's for sure, but it ain't. A moment spent moping is a moment wasted." - Miles Levin

Read the article. Get some perspective. Then go on enjoying your amazing, blessed life. I know that I sure will.

At what age?

2007-08-02T17:13:00.000-04:00

Here in the U.S., we drive on the right side of the road. (Well, drunk celebrities don't count... we're talking about average people here.) On a road with 2 driving lanes, the right is the "average speed" lane and the left lane is for passing. On a road with 3 or more driving lanes, the right lane is for the slow-pokes, the middle is for average speed, and the left, well, still the passing lane.

This morning on my way to work (3 lane highway), I watched a giant white Cadillac enter the highway from an on-ramp on the right side of the road. Rather than staying in the right lane until he picked up speed and could safely move left, he proceeded to cut across the right lane, then the middle lane, then into the left lane, paying absolutely NO attention to the fact that he was cutting people off and going about 30 mph slower than everybody else while doing so. A car in the right lane honked at him, a car in the middle lane had to swerve to avoid him, and I (in the left lane) had to slam on my breaks to avoid rear-ending him as he cut me off and then proceeded to break until he was down to a speed of about 40 mph... on a road with a 65 mph speed limit.

Once my heart started beating again (flashback to car accident in February), I signaled, checked my mirrors and blindspot, and moved to the middle lane to pass him. Peeked into his car as I passed and guess what? Old man. Ooooooold man.

OK, so I understand that for much of this man's life, roads were probably not as big, highways not as fast. But as far as I know, the right lane has always been the slow lane, and it's never been safe to cut straight across 3 lanes of traffic on a highway without looking or being at a safe speed. I'm assuming that at some age, this man did indeed know the rules of the road, and maybe even followed them. So riddle me this... At what age do you suppose he decided those rules stopped applying to him?? I need to know this, so I can warn the Department of Motor Vehicles to stop renewing my license when I reach that age, because clearly, I'll feel I'm too invincible to stop myself.

Here's another one... my daughter (almost age 4) decided about a year ago to give up naps. She went from napping 3-4 hours in the afternoon to nothing at all. Cold turkey. There are days that I do the bad mom thing, and I bribe her.... if you take a nap, I'll give you candy! No? How about ice cream? Cake? Cash? (Sometimes a mom just needs a break, you know!) This was not working, so I'd instead ask if she wanted to watch her baby sister and finish the laundry, and I'd take a nap for her. She always agreed, and if she was tall enough to reach the buttons on the washing machine, I probably would have actually made the trade. For me, a nap is a precious commodity. There are days that I think I would actually cut off a limb to have few uninterrupted hours of sleep in the middle of the afternoon. At what age, do you suppose, does a nap go from being torture to your greatest goal in life?? I need to know this, so I can plan now for the time when my children (both) actually want to nap, so I can take one, too!

Even though I said I'd cut off a limb for a nap, I know that I can't actually just crawl under my desk in the middle of the afternoon to take one. I prop my eyes open with toothpicks and hook up my caffeine IV drip when I have to... but I know that I'm not allowed to just go to sleep whenever or wherever I want. Which brings me back to the old people...

Ever notice an old person asleep at a time or in a place that seems completely inappropriate? Like at 10am in church, or 1pm at a restaurant, or while in mid conversation with someone? (Wait, does that only happen when people are talking to me?!) I was once working late at a client site years ago, doing a final review (with a US Government client) on a document that was scheduled to be presented to the US Congress the next morning on the agency's Year 2000 Readiness plans. "Bob, what do you think of this line, should we change it? Bob? Bob???" Zzzzzzzz...... Sound asleep he was, head down on the conference table in a room full of executives. Need I tell you he was old?

At what age do I get to stop caring about if it's actually appropriate to fall asleep at any time, at any place, and just get to give in to the urge? I need to know this because some days, I feel really old, and also very, very tired. I need to know when I qualify...

Anyone with answers, please leave a comment. I don't wish to be old, but I do really, really wish for the nap!

The Members Project

2007-07-28T20:27:00.000-04:00

OK, maybe a cheap plug since I work there, but if you happen to be an American Express Cardmember (or have ever thought of becoming one), check this out... what a great way to do a little bit of good...

*************

Presenting The Members Project (SM), an exciting initiative that brings American Express® Cardmembers together to do something good for our world. Join Cardmembers across the country to vote for one incredible idea. On August 7, American Express will bring it to life with anywhere from $1 million to $5 million in funding. Which idea will it be? The decision is yours. Cast your vote at www.membersproject.com.

Broken Record

2007-07-05T15:18:00.000-04:00

I went back and re-read some of more recent posts. Gosh, do I sound like a broken record or what?!? "Wonderful husband, wonderful kids, wonderful dog, nice house, blah, blah, blah." While it's all true, the intent of this blog was never to brag about my wonderful life. In fact, I started it for reasons very different than that!

Strange, though, how over time, it's sort of turned in to that. At first, I was a bit annoyed. Not annoyed that I have a wonderful family, but that this blog has become, well, sappy! Yeesh! At one point, it even took me nearly a month to blog because I couldn't come up with a "problem" to blog about. Most people might think that's a good thing, and here I was all annoyed about it. What's wrong with me?!? (Wait, don't answer that...)

As I've mentioned before, I have a very long commute, and my commute time is spent thinking and pondering. If I've had a bad day, I try to decompress before getting home to my "real" life. If I haven't, and I'm not obsessing about the office, I make to-do lists or plan DIY projects or come up with blog ideas. I've really be struggling to come up with blog topics lately, though, because, get this... my life is so good. Huh??

Don't get me wrong, I still have my share of stress and frustration and problems. We all do. But somehow, some way, over the past few months, I've noticed a real change in myself. It's a change I've hoped for, prayed about, and desired for as long as I can remember. A change for the better. A change to be a more relaxed person, a happier person. To really exemplify my favorite motto: Live, Laugh, Love

I'm not sure how it happened, what changed. I'm not sure what triggered it, but I've realized all of a sudden that BAM! I've started to become that person. That infamous happy person. Not just content, but actually happy. Don't get me wrong, you'll never see me bubbly, and I'll never be a Type B. But wow, what a change I see in myself. I like it, I really like it!

There's no moral to this particular post, which started out to be an apology for being so sappy lately. Instead, it's just to point out something I've learned about myself recently, something I've been working on for a really long time. It really is possible to live a life where the "stuff" of life doesn't control you. It really is possible to balance a career, a family, and your own sanity level. It really is possible to have everything you need in life, and to appreciate it for what it is. Wow. Just wow!

So, no apologies for sounding like a broken record, just a statement that I realize I might. But, for very good reasons, me thinks!

I guess now that I've got all that out of the way, I should start working on some different blog post ideas... maybe I'll start with Obama. :-)

Proud to be.... Me

2007-07-05T10:14:00.000-04:00

What a nice treat to have a day off in the middle of the week, don't you think? The Monday holidays are nice, as long weekends are good for travel and Sunday BBQs (since you don't need to go anywhere on Monday). But for me, the long weekends usually end up being just that... loooooooong weekends. You know, just one more day of doing chores and errands and other "necessary" stuff that makes the weekend less fun that it should be.

Since having a mid-week day off is such a rare treat, I decided to treat the 4th as a Freebie Day, instead of just one more day of chores and errands... everyone would get to do what they wanted to do, and not what was on Mom's to-do list.

For my (almost) 4-year-old, that meant 3 hours of playing dress-up in the morning, followed by a trip to the pool with Daddy. For my 1-year-old, that meant wreaking havoc all over the house, making messes, and eating, with a short break for a morning nap. For Hubby, that meant watching the History Channel and sports, while children crawled on his lap and asked, "Do you love my ballerina outfit, Daddy?" For me, that meant tackling thing #1 on my Next 5 Things list, cleaning out my craft closet.

The day went really well, and was capped off by both kids taking very long naps, which further facilitated the TV watching for hubby and the closet organizing for me. Woo hoo, what a day!!

Both kids fell asleep late in the afternoon, and were still asleep at 8:45pm. We had promised the 4-year-old a 4th of July picnic while watching the fireworks, so Hubby and I woke up both kids for our promised Family Fun Time.

Fireworks are legal in Florida (you can buy them from giant tents on every street corner), so lots of people put on their own shows. We have a really great setup in our house, in that our master bedroom (on the 2nd floor) has a 9-foot picture window from which we can see fireworks shows for 3 neighboring towns, plus all the fireworks the neighbors are doing. We've decided that, at least until the kids are older, our master bedroom is the best vantage point for the displays.

Our "picnic" was set up on our bed, a king size, so plenty of room for 2 parents, 2 kids and a dog. We spread out a blanket and feasted on chicken nuggets, Cheerios and popcorn. This was an especially good treat for the kids on two counts... eating on the bed and also, no vegetables!

My 4-year-old oohed and aahed at the fireworks, and proudly announced the color of each. "Did you see that big purple one, Mom? Hey Dad, there was a giant green one!" The baby, well, she did what she does best... ate and smiled and ate and smiled and ate some more. I popped in a Lee Greenwood CD, belted out "Proud to be an American" (one of my favorites) and taught my 4-year-old about the meaning of July 4th, how it's America's birthday.

I'm about as patriotic as they come. I donate to military organizations, proudly display the flag and look for ways to better my country. I won't get in to all of it here, but I really, truly am proud to be an American, and I don't take the freedoms I enjoy for granted.

At one point, I went downstairs to get a drink and when I came back up and walked into the bedroom, I found my husband and my 2 girls dancing in front of the window to the music of the Lee Greenwood CD. The big one was laughing at Daddy trying to remember all the words, the little one was laughing because the big one was laughing, and Hubby was laughing because the girls both were. I don't think they knew I was there, but I stood in the doorway and watched them dance and smile and laugh until the song was over. This, folks, is what I'm most proud of... this display of love and happiness, right in my very own home. The 4th of July is great, the fireworks are spectacular, and it's a good time to stop and celebrate all that we, as Americans, have been blessed with. But as I watched my family watching those fireworks, I was reminded of all that I have to be proud of not only on the 4th of July, but every single day of the year. I'm married to a wonderful man, we have 2 wonderful children (and a wonderful dog, too!). We've got food to eat and a house to live in, and enough money in the bank to pay all the bills. I credit a lot of this to the fact that we are Americans, that we have the freedom to make our own choices, and that we have chosen wisely... in our educations, our careers and in each other. But there's a part of me that's going to be even more selfish than that, and say that I had a lot to do with this, too. I'm so proud to be who I am... a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend. And watching the three people I love most dance and try to sing along reminded me to stop and remember that, not just on the 4th of July, but every single day. I hope you stop to think about all you have, not only because you're an American, but because you worked for it and you deserve it. I encourage you to be a Proud American, but also to be a Proud You.

My Next Five Things

2007-07-01T19:56:00.000-04:00

In a rare moment of quiet this Sunday afternoon, I decided to do a little blog-surfing and ran into a blog called My Next Five Things. Smitten with the idea behind this blog, I decided to join the 5things Network and start another blog of my own, called Kat's Next Five Things. Check it out, and perhaps you'll also be inspired to start on your own Next Five Things!

PS - I'll still be posting on this blog, too, so don't delete your bookmark!

Insanity

2007-06-27T09:52:00.000-04:00

Several people have asked me when my next blog is coming. Well, here it is! Yes, it's been a while since I posted, but I like to take my time mulling over my thoughts before I write them. Several weeks ago, I had an idea for a blog about the emotional baggage so many of us seem to carry around with us all the time, and why it's not as easy to lose our "baggage" as it is for an airline to lose our luggage. A week into mulling this over, I came down with a cold, which turned into strep throat, fever, dehydration, the whole "knock me on my butt" thing. I was down for the count for almost 2 weeks and I sort of put the blog out of my mind. Now that I'm feeling better, though, I'm just not "feeling" that particular blog post anymore. Back to the drawing board for me!

As I was thinking about what to blog next, I came to the conclusion that I had nothing to blog about. It's not that I don't have a million thoughts going on in my head, it's that I don't have anything deep or troubling or insightful to say right now. And then it occurs to me, why do I have to have issues before I can blog something? Why not blog on the "everyday" stuff, too?

So here it is, a blog about my insanity.

When I say insanity, I'm not talking about the clinical definition. I'm talking about all the "stuff" of life that, if you let it, will make you feel like you're losing your mind. I'm talking about those times that, if you don't decide to just laugh, you might instead end up having a nervous breakdown. My husband and I had one of those moments last Friday night.

Fridays I work from home. It's a beautiful thing, since my commute to the office is 60 miles each way. After getting hubby and the kids out the door, I have about an hour of "free" time before my work day begins. Most days, I actually work during this time, but once in a while I use the time to do laundry, clean, etc. Last Friday, I used that hour to vacuum all my floors downstairs (all tile) and pick up the kids' playroom.

Friday night is pizza night at our house, and we'd settled in for dinner around 7pm, since that's when hubby and the kids get back home. As we were trying to corral the kids over to the table before dinner got cold, hubby and I both looked at each other and said, "I'm not even hungry." Apparently, neither were the kids. The little one (1 year old) was busy pulling everything she could find out of drawers and cabinets all over the house, the dog was scratching and getting black hair all over the newly-cleaned floors, and the big one (almost 4) was dumping out bins of blocks, dolls and crayons all over the playroom. So much for our relaxing evening and my nice clean house!

It was definitely one of those moments where, had I let it, I could have crumbled to the floor in defeat at my day (week?) not going how I'd planned... my clean house now in shambles again, dinner getting cold on the table, and an impending weekend of family events and other commitments. But, at the very same moment, hubby and I just looked at each other and laughed. "This place is insane!" I said to him. "Yes," he replied, "but it's our insanity and I love it!"

You know what, he was right. We laughed and hugged and smiled at our insane kids, our insane dog, our insane house and our cold pizza. Sometimes, you just need to take a step back and realize that even when it's insane, it's yours. The fact that we have 2 beautiful kids (crazy as they are), a beautiful home, a really cool dog and dinner on the table... can anyone really ask for more? Insane or not, it's our life, and it's a beautiful one. It's a blessed one. It's one not to be taken for granted.

So next time life gets crazy, when you feel like rolling your eyes or beating your fists or crumbling to the floor, stop and look at it from a different perspective. It might be crazy, but certainly it's never boring, hopefully it's even a little bit fun. Live it to the fullest, laugh about it when you can, and love it no matter what. You only get one go-round in this world, so try your best enjoy every insane moment of it. Sometimes, it's the insane ones that matter the most.

Extra! Extra! Read all about me!

2007-06-07T13:46:00.000-04:00

One of my good friends, Julie, writes a blog called The Surrendered Scribe (link at the bottom of this post, as well as on the right side of my blog page under "Favorites"). In May, she started a monthly feature called "Full Pursuit" and she asked if she could write about me for her June edition. If you're interested in reading more about me, check out her blog.... you'll find it in a post called "June's Full Pursuit Profile---Kathy Who Calls Florida Home" dated May 31, 2007.

She's also running a great contest on her blog, with a really unique prize. I encourage you all to read her work and sign up for her contest.

Visit Julie's blog here: http://thesurrenderedscribe.blogspot.com/

My favorite cake recipe

2007-05-29T14:09:00.000-04:00

For those of you that have read my blog before, you may have noticed that I don't post with a high degree of frequency. Much as I'd like to, I just don't always have the thoughts well formulated enough or when I do, I can't seem to find the free quiet time to put them in cyberspace. Part of the reason it takes me so long to post is that I tend to get an idea in my head and then spend days (weeks?) mulling it over until it ends up just the way I want it to be. That's definitely the case for this blog.

Close to two months ago, I heard someone use the expression "you can't have your cake and eat it, too." Of course, I've heard this expression many times before. But for some reason, it hit me as particularly silly this time around. The first thought that went through my mind was "Well why not? If I have it, why can't I eat it?" So I was going to blog on this silly expression and headed off to Google to do my research on the origins of the phrase. Turns out, this was not the original way it was written, and it makes a lot more sense after reading the background. (I was going to include a link to the origin, but it's not really important here... you can Google it if you're actually interested.) So, there goes my blog on the "having your cake and eating it, too" thing. On to the next topic. Of course, now all I can think about is cake!

Being a chocoholic (and an avid fan of most any kind of cake), I've been dwelling on "cake" for the past several weeks. It was easier to put the thought out of my head a few weeks ago when I was getting ready for a swimsuit-clad, week-long vacation. But, now that I'm back and have no intentions of putting on a 2-piece again anytime soon, cake is back on my mind. Of course, it just wouldn't be me if I let cake just be cake. What kind of blog entry would that be?!?

One of my biggest daily challenges is a balance between my work priorities, my family priorities, my house priorities, my marriage priorities and my self priorities. I love crossing things off my to-do list (in any one of these categories) though I've realized that at the end of the day, some of those cross-offs leave me more satisfied than others. Yes, this relates to cake.

My "standard" cake is yellow with chocolate frosting. I can always seem to find room for a slice of this kind, no matter how full I might be and a yellow cake with chocolate frosting is pretty easy to find... most every bakery carries one, they're not that expensive, and in a pinch, I can even find the pre-packaged ones that are so full of preservatives that they can stay fresh for weeks. Pretty much anyone can make one of these cakes, all you need is a mix, a few simple ingredients and a tub of frosting. Practice once or twice, and any dummy can do it. Quick, easy, and tastes pretty good.

Yellow cake with chocolate frosting reminds me of my tasks at work. There's no shortage of them, I can always seem to make room for "just one more," they're easy to find, and trust me, the issues that come up can certainly last for weeks. Good as I might be at my job, the "special" part, the part that might make me stand out from me peers, is not in the cake itself. It's in the way I decorate the cake... sprinkles, roses, fancy writing. I'm really good at that part. But the basic job? It's just like following the recipe off the back of a cake box. Practice once or twice, and any dummy can do it.

When I cross a work item off my to-do list, it's satisfying, just like yellow cake with chocolate frosting. Once in a while it's a little more exciting... say a "yellow layer cake with chocolate frosting and fruit filling in the middle" kind of an accomplishment. But all in all, it's just yellow cake.

Now there's strawberry shortcake... Yum! This is better than yellow cake, but I don't seem to get enough of this. It takes a little more work to make strawberry shortcake, and I feel that I don't have this nearly often enough. Strawberry shortcake makes me think of my house priorities, things like cleaning, organizing a closet, grocery shopping. Yes, I might be strange, but these things bring me great satisfaction. Crossing these "to-do's" off my list makes me feel like I've accomplished something important, like I've contributed to a part of my life that's important to me. I don't cross off nearly as many "house" to-do's as "work" to-do's, though they make me happier when I do find the time and the energy... just like making strawberry shortcake.

Now comes the ultimate... one of those really rich, fudgy chocolate mousse kinds of cake, the kind with raspberry sauce drizzled over the top and on the plate for decoration, maybe even some chocolate shavings on top. If you ask me, there's nothing better. These cakes are a lot more complicated to make. I certainly can't buy them in a box, they're expensive at the bakery, and you have to time them just right so they turn out the way you've planned. To make one of these, you really have to practice. This is the cake that, sadly, I eat the least, even though I love it the most. This is like my self, marriage and family priorities.

When my (almost) 1-year-old looks right at me and says "mama" or my 3-year-old giggles until she hiccups or says something amazing like, "Mommy, you're my very best friend" or I steal an hour away to treat myself to some Kat Time or my husband tells me he loves me and he's proud to be married to me and he couldn't be happier with the two beautiful children we've made... these are the rich, fudgy chocolate mousse cake kind of moments. These are the moments that require the most work, that you can't buy in a box and you have to make from scratch. These are the moments that require the most precise timing, the most effort, but in the end, are the moments you want to savor for as long as you can, and then recreate over and over again and again and again.

So here's what I'm thinking... why settle for yellow cake, or even strawberry shortcake, when there's this other, amazing fudgy chocolate mousse cake available to me? Why focus so much time and effort on work or even house stuff, when it's really family, marriage and self that are the most important and most rewarding things in life? It's a hard balance to strike. I have to work to afford the house. And without the house, I can't raise the family the way I want to. But why do I expend so much of my energy on the "other stuff" when that's not what matters most?

My boss reads my blog, so I need to say on the record that I have no intentions of quitting my job or slacking off at work. In case my mother-in-law is reading this, I also have no intentions of letting my house become a pig-pen or letting my kids starve. But, where all this cake talk has led me is to a much more conscious decision to focus more on the good stuff and less on the "average" stuff... to spend more time making chocolate mousse cake and less time settling for yellow cake with chocolate frosting... to leave work at the office and make every single solitary moment count with the people I love the most. Yes, there's always room for one more slice of the yellow cake... but at least for today, I think I'll pass on that one and save room for the good stuff. After all, I already have the best recipe... all I need to do is keep practicing.

Gone Sailing!

2007-05-14T10:43:00.000-04:00

This ship leaves in 6 hours and I'll be on it!!

My (ir)regularly scheduled blog will return when I get back in a week!

The Annual Review Process

2007-05-11T09:10:00.000-04:00

If you work for a large company (like I do), you might be subjected every year to the "Annual Review Process." This is always a fun process, one that puts everyone on their best behavior in the hopes that they'll get the raise they know they deserve more than anyone else in the company.

Because my company has so many employees all over the world, this process takes time and Company has gone to great lengths to both standardize and simplify the process. They've made great strides since last year, decreasing the number of required steps to a mere 492, a 12% improvement. They've also implemented a new web-based tool to use for all review documentation, which, in 3 or 4 years, I ought to have mastered.

Company's fiscal year runs September 1 - August 31. The annual review period runs June 1 - May 31, even though the associated pay raise (if any) is still not effective until September 1. Let the confusion begin.

Our review process consists of 2 main components, a written review and a "Throw You to the Wolves" session. I'll start with the latter.

In the Throw You to the Wolves session, all the senior executives get together to discuss everyone at a given level at a particular client site or home office location. They do a peer-to-peer comparison where each executive speaks to the merits of their own employees, and the executives (as a group) rank everyone on a scale of Average, Above Average or Walks on Water. (Of course, there's also Below Average and Who-the-Hell-Hired-This-Schmuck-in-the-First-Place?) Though they say it's not a "forced" distribution, it usually works out so that about 5% of the people Walk on Water, another 10-15% are Above Average, 60% are Average, and the rest should start looking for new jobs. These are, clearly, Top Secret, closed-door sessions, but apparently, it's the only way to make the process work. Mind you, once the ratings are done here, they're passed along to the "Southwest Region" (for example) for another round of rankings and then the "Country Region" and the "Continent Region" and then straight to Wizard of Oz himself. By the time Wizard gets them, the game of telephone that started in the conference room down the hall has taken it's toll, so Mr. Walks on Water from Florida is now about to be unemployed.

The second part of the process is the written review, which started last Fall, when I went to New Web Tool and entered my "objectives" for the year. There are 3 main categories of objectives and I was required to choose a minimum of 2-3 from a list within each. Over-achiever that I am, I decided to instead choose 5-6 from each category, plus a few new ones I made up on my own that I believed would make me a much more well-rounded employee. For each objective, I also needed to write a target. That is, how (at the end of the year) we're going to measure my success or failure against each objective. This process took a mere 26 hours, not including the time it took my supervisor to review the objectives, tell me they were crap, send them back to me to edit, review with him again, so on and so on until we found something that neither of us was really all that happy with, but it was deadline-for-submission day so we just put them through. (The "back and forth with Supervisor" took only another 14 hours, not so bad!)

At the beginning of this calendar year (lest you get confused by Fiscal Year or Annual Review Period Year), Supervisor and I did a mid-year review (that's mid-year of the Annual Review Period Year). This is the time during which he tells me where I'm falling short so I can spend the next several months trying to convince him I'm the best employee he's ever seen. The mid-year is supposed to benefit of my own "personal development." Whatever, it only took 8 hours. I'm not complaining.

Remember how I said the annual review year runs through end of May? Well, that's the time the paperwork all needs to be finalized, so of course, we start this in early April. I go back to New Web Tool, look at my mile-long list of objectives, and write a self assessment of how I did against them. I review the objective, the target, and write commentary on why I far exceeded the objective, or why it's not really all that bad that I forgot to address it. This takes only 32 hours, since New Web Tool crashed and lost all my changes only 4 times . Again, I send to my supervisor to review, and it becomes his turn to write the real review.

Let me talk for a minute about my supervisor. We have very frequent interactions (at least daily), even though we work in offices 1200 miles away from each other. We rely mostly on instant messaging, with the occasional phone call when he gets sick of typing in the little box on the screen, I'm arguing with him and he needs to shut me up, or there's something far too complex for me to possibly understand when it's in writing. (Dx, I'm sure you can relate ;-)

He's a really fun guy, even though most of the time he acts like he's pissed off at the world. I don't take it personally, and I can dish it out, too. No problem. The thing is, I also consider Supervisor to be a friend (he may disagree, but it's my blog, so too bad). The problem being "friends" with your supervisor is that sometimes (most times?), I turn off my filter. You know, the one that makes you stop and think "Do I really want my boss to know this?" or "Which are the best, most politically correct words to use when bringing this to my boss' attention?" Instead, I find myself writing IMs such as "Can you freakin' believe what just happened?" or "What an idiot!" Of course, this prompts Supervisor (who usually takes it all in stride but at the end of the day, still writes my review) to add comments under the Areas for Improvement section that say things like "Too negative; needs to focus on positive solutions rather than negative situations" or "Does not respect authority" or "Who the hell hired this schmuck in the first place?"

Anyway, after I write my self assessment and Supervisor writes his review, we meet to discuss. I've spent 32 hours pining over just the right words to convince him I'm the best employee he's ever seen, and he's written 4 sentences. What!?!?! Mind you, they are good sentences, but c'mon!!

Of course, Big Mouth over here has to question this. "What happened to everything I so painstakingly wrote? All the stuff I fed to you to put in my review??" He tells me that since he didn't disagree with it in his review, that means (by default) that he agrees with what I wrote. "So who's going to read the part I wrote? Doesn't yours carry more weight?" I ask. "No one reads them," he says. "It's just used for our own discussion so you know where you stand."

OK, people, I know where I stand. I knew that LONG before I started writing objectives and targets and commentary. I talk to this man every single day, and neither one of us is shy to give feedback. If I do something awesome, I don't hesitate for a second to tell him about it, usually more than once. And if I do something wrong? He'll surely be the first person to point it out to me, over and over again. I don't need a formal review meeting to tell me any of this. But hey, now my awesomeness and shortcomings are all "officially" documented in cyber-space on New Web Tool should anyone get really bored one day and decide to hack into the system to read them.

I'd be remiss if I did not add that his version of my review also includes feedback from my clients, peers, etc. This is always good information to have, but it's not like I don't already know what they're thinking. If I work with these people for a full Annual Review Period Year and don't know if they like me or think I suck, then I don't deserve to be employed. But, of course, always a bonus to have it on my permanent record.

Mind you, the Throw You to the Wolves sessions have already taken place for my level, so the written review we're discussing and agreeing on means nothing. Whatever was in his head about me on the day he walked into that room is what he said about me. Nothing I've stressed over in my self assessment or read in his review matters, and it's the Wolves (and of course, the Wizard) who decide if I get a raise or not.

So I pull out my calculator. Let's see.... I've spent a total of 91 hours so far this year on the process. I'm paid on salary but I'm a smart girl, not intimidated by long division. I can figure out my hourly rate. I do the math to see how much I've spent with The Process.

Now I do some very complicated statistical analysis on the average raises I've seen since Company went public. Assuming I get ranked as Above Average (optimistic, I know, but a girl can dream in her blog), that's an X% increase. Again, some math, and I realize that, lo and behold, the time spent working on my annual review versus the raise I might expect to get only puts me in the hole about $292. That's a savings of $48 from last year.

Woo hoo!! The process really does work!

Little Amusements (Google)

2007-05-10T10:59:00.000-04:00

Say what you will about "simple minds....," but sometimes it's the little things that amuse me.

Why I love Google:

Google thinks for me
I have the Google toolbar on my internet explorer (couldn't live without it!). When I type a keyword in the search bar, Google presents me a drop-down list of other relevant key words. Try this... type in "banana" and look at all the choices you get! I don't even have to know what I'm thinking, because Google figures it out for me.

Google is funny, but oh-so-accurate
Try this....

Go to Google.com and click on "maps" (center of the page, above the search bar).
At the top of the page, click on "Get Directions."
Put in the starting address as "Ft. Lauderdale, FL" and the ending address as "Scotland."
Click on the "Get Directions" button.
Scroll down and read direction #23.

Google has cute and creative graphics for every holiday
Ever notice how on some holidays / special days, they edit the normal "Google" logo on the page? And on the days they have the "special graphics," you can double click on it and see a list of previous graphics.

Google Earth
How cool is this?!? Not only can I see my house and my yard, but I think I see a person on the sidewalk!

Google is not afraid to be political
By far, this was my favorite, and it's not working anymore (insert pouting face icon here). Used to be that when you went to Google.com and typed the words "miserable failure" in the search box and clicked the "I'm feeling lucky" button, it would take you here.

Enough said!

Never argue with a woman

2007-05-10T10:55:00.000-04:00

Got this in email, one of those "forwards." I usually don't pass them along, but I thought this one was funny!

One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance and reads her book.

Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?"

"Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?")

"You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her.

"I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."

"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."

"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault," says the woman.

"But I haven't even touched you, " says the game warden.

"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."

"Have a nice day ma'am," and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.

In My Daughter's Eyes

2007-05-09T09:35:00.000-04:00

I'll spare you the gory details of my rotten, completely out-of-left-field day at the office yesterday, the fact that I worked until midnight and got up to work again at 4am. I'll save the story about how my much-anticipated vacation next week will likely be severely dampened by a curve ball my job threw at me. Because right this moment, it doesn't matter.

Tired and frustrated, I was getting my 3-year-old dressed this morning and she started asking me silly questions, typical 3-year-old questions. I gave her silly, 3-year-old answers. The conversation had nothing to do with work or my lack of sleep or my busy week or the distracted vacation I'm now anticipating. It had to do with pretend money to buy pretend bread for a pretend dinner she's making for her pretend babies tonight. But you know what, that simple little conversation with my 3-year-old put a smile on my face when I thought one was not possible, reminded me that this is the good stuff, this is what life is about. Not work, not stress, not impossible and unrealistic deadlines.

I'll work my butt off the rest of the week -- and probably sleep very little -- to do what I have to do to get ready to be out of the office for a week. But when I step onto that cruise ship on Monday, the office will stay on the shore, all thanks to the inadvertent reminder from my 3-year-old that life is more fun when you're silly. To my precious, smart, amazing little girl, a great big thank you for reminding Mommy that there's more to life than conference calls and emails. This song is for you, kiddo, thanks for being my little girl.

In My Daughter's Eyes
(Written by James Slater, performed by Martina McBride)

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light
And the world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me
Gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about
It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes
I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see
How happy she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

The Power of a Ladybug

2007-05-01T22:02:00.000-04:00

When my little sister was six years old, her best friend's mother passed away from cancer. My sister, being six, couldn't begin to understand the "how's" and "why's" of this (can any of us, at any age, really?). This was 18 or 19 years ago, but I remember vividly her tears and the way she was grasping to comprehend what "not having a mommy anymore" was like.

I'm seven years older than my sister. Certainly no Sage at the ripe old age of 13, but she was looking to me, her trusted big sister, for comfort and love and guidance. To this day I can't remember where it came from -- Did I hear it someplace else? Did I make it up on the spot? I'm not sure. But I told her a story about a ladybug.

Some of the details are fuzzy, but the end result of the story was to say that whenever you see a ladybug, know that you are not alone, that someone you love is right there with you, loving and supporting you in whatever you're going through and that in the end, it really is going to be OK.

My sister's love of all-things-ladybug began that day and the story was passed around in our family. Ladybugs became a way to say "I love you" or "I'm thinking of you" or "I'm right there with you, wherever you are." Little did I know how important those ladybugs would become.

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I was on my way home from the Sloan Kettering Memorial Cancer Center in New York City, after a very expensive "third opinion" appointment with a doctor who didn't take my insurance. The first doctor had already told me I'd likely never carry a pregnancy to term, even if they could stop the cancer from progressing. The second doctor recommended a complete hysterectomy to make sure we "got all the pre-cancerous cells" before they had a chance to multiply. Sloan Kettering was my last resort, before deciding for sure to tell the man that I loved, the man who's ring I was wearing, that I couldn't marry him since I didn't think I could give him the children I knew he so badly wanted. The subway ride home was a long one and even though this latest doctor seemed more optimistic than the first two, life as I knew it was over.

When we got home, I was rummaging through things on my desk and accidentally knocked over a box of old cards and notes and other random papers. Annoyed at one more mess to clean up on my already terrible day, I scooped everything up and threw it angrily back on the desk. What should happen to land on the very top, face up, staring right at me? A greeting card with a ladybug on it. It was a blank card that I had bought years before but never sent to anyone and had completely forgotten about. BAM! There is was, right in my face, when things couldn't have been any worse. Suddenly, I was not alone and it was all going to be OK. For the first time in months, my fear and anxiety subsided. What power that tiny little ladybug had to take the weight of the world off my shoulders. Seven years of marriage (to that same wonderful man), two perfect little girls and dozens of "no abnormal cells" test results later, I still thank that ladybug for reminding me not to give up hope.

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My grandfather was a very simple man, a salt-of-the-earth kind of guy, the only person in this world I've ever called My Hero. We didn't see each other often, but we had an amazing connection that words cannot explain. He was truly a gift, a man of God, a man who did not see race or religion or anything other than a person's spirit. He lived in Upstate New York, near the Finger Lakes. Having greenhouses his whole life, he once got into a debate with a neighbor about whether you could grow tobacco plants in that climate. The friend said "no way." Grandpa said, "Oh yeah? Watch me!"

The day of his funeral was the hardest day of my life. Harder than the day I heard "cancer" at the age of 23. As the "go-to-gal" for the family, they were all looking to me to take care of things, to hold them together, to make sure everything was handled. I paid for his cemetery plot. I ordered the flowers. I (physically) held up my sister and my cousin as they said goodbye to him before leaving the funeral home. I gave a eulogy at his funeral. Physically and emotionally I was exhausted, I hadn't had any time on my own to grieve and I felt like I was spiraling down a long dark tunnel with no one to catch me.

After the funeral, we went back to his house to spend some quiet time with my grandmother. I decided to take a walk through his now 8-foot-tall tobacco plants, growing so strong and so proud on the front corner of his yard. As I neared them, my eyes welled up with tears, I nearly collapsed to the ground in disbelief. Hundreds, thousands, of ladybugs covered those giant green tobacco leaves. They were everywhere. Countless little bugs that told me he was right there with me, loving me, supporting me and that everything was going to be OK. Once my legs steadied, I ran inside to get my grandmother and my cousins. We hugged and cried at those plants for an eternity, right there with Grandpa and his never-going-to-grow-in-this-climate tobacco plants, and his thousands of little ladybugs. My grandmother's house was infested with ladybugs for months after that, she said it hadn't ever happened in the 50 years she'd lived in the house. Of course, she didn't have the heart to call an exterminator!

******************************

A few years later, after working out-of-state for months on end, 16+ hour days, the Partner I was reporting to had a bad day and he yelled at me for something so trivial and insignificant that I probably should have filed a report against him. It was the very last straw. I marched back to his desk to put in my resignation. That was it, I was done, I was going home once and for all. Wouldn't you know it, he wasn't there.

My next best option was to buy myself a giant cup of Starbucks, grab a cigarette and head outside behind the building to sob and hyperventilate. There I was, contemplating my career, ready to give up on everything I'd worked so hard for professionally. I looked down on the concrete step where I was sitting, and there was a ladybug. It was October in Atlanta and there was a ladybug. I was not alone, it was all going to be OK. I cried even more over the ladybug than I had over being yelled at, I think. But when I pulled myself together and went back to work, I really did know that I was going to be OK. Five years later, I still work for the same company (though not the same Partner!).

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There are similar ladybug stories for the day the obstetrician told me one of my tests came back abnormal and there was a chance the baby I was carrying had Down Syndrome. Did I want to "reconsider" the pregnancy, he asked me. And one for the day I took that same otherwise-perfectly-healthy baby for an ultrasound on her hip to see if she had Developmental Hip Dyslpasia. And one for so many other countless times when I saw a ladybug at a moment in my life I was so low I didn't think anything could pull me back up again. And I knew that everything was going to be OK.

Some people may say it's just a random coincidence, that it's just a little bug. But I know better.... those little ladybugs have a power I can't explain, a healing power, a power of hope and calm that words can't express. I only wish my writing was strong enough to do them justice.

The next time you see a ladybug, know that someone is thinking of you, that you are not alone and that indeed, everything is going to be OK.