Nice Deed of the Day

(Apologies in advance for the funky spacing on this post, Blogger is NOT cooperating with me today!)

This is Chip. I'll tell you about him in a few minutes...

I mentioned in my last post that I had donated a few dollars to a young man in uniform who was standing at a busy intersection collecting for a new Veteran's Assistance Center here in South Florida. Though I believe it's my duty as a human being who has been blessed with life on this planet to give back as much as I can, I admit that I also do it for selfish reasons, too... it makes me feel good! If you haven't consciously done a nice deed in a while (or even if you did one this morning), I've got some ideas for a few things you can do today, with barely a change in your normal routine, to make yourself feel good and help someone else out at the same time. I challenge you to give one of these a try. If you do, I'd love to hear about it!

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Ever been on a plane?

If you've ever signed up for a frequent flier program, there's a chance you're sitting on miles that (1) you don't use, or (2) you don't have enough of to buy a ticket. Rather than let them go to waste or use them to buy magazines you don't need, why not donate them to someone who could really use them? After all, 3,287 miles aren't going to get you anyplace... but they could make a huge difference to someone else. Click on one of these airline links for more info on their specific programs and partner charities:

American Airlines

Continental Airlines

Delta SkyWish Charities

United Airlines

US Airways Miles of Hope

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Ever have leftovers?

If your family is like mine, a full pound of pasta is too much for one meal but not enough for two. Sadly, we almost never eat leftovers. I've got 2 ideas on what to do with the unused pasta.

1. If you have a child in the house (or if you're a kid at heart), save out a handful of uncooked pasta (this works best with elbows or ziti.... spaghetti won't work). Find a piece of string and some other small holey items around the house (beads, small pieces of colored paper cut into shapes with a hole punched through the middle, etc.) and let your little one make a necklace. Wrap it in tissue paper and present it as a "just because" gift to a neighbor, friend from church or even the cashier at the grocery store. Watch both your child's and the recipient's face light up at this small act of kindness.
2. Cook the pasta like you normally would, but package up the leftovers in a disposable container. Pack it in a bag with plastic utensils and some napkins, and give it away. You might know of a homeless person who is always at a specific intersection, or you might have an elderly neighbor who doesn't always get a home cooked meal. Give someone a great dinner tonight that they might not otherwise have.

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Got kids?
My daughter (she's 4) is in love with her box of crayons. She'll draw pictures till the cows come home and I love every one she makes. The problem? She makes a LOT of them. I have stacks and stacks and stacks of pictures that I can't bear to throw away but don't know what to do with. After wallpapering half the house with her drawings, even framing the "most special" ones, I still have dozens left. A lot of them look exactly the same... this month every picture has a house, a rainbow, a tree, a lake, grass, a sunshine, 2 clouds and a bird. What am I going to do with all these pictures? I'm going to give them away. To a nursing home, maybe the VA hospital, a friend down the road who had surgery and could use a good pick-me-up. Might seem like a small thing, but who's day wouldn't be a little bit brighter when they receive a home made piece of artwork from a little girl with a big heart? Of course, I'll have her sign them all so that some day when she's famous, they can sell the pictures on eBay.

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Got 5 minutes?

Yes, you do! You really do!! Earlier I said I donated money to a man on a street corner. Though my $2 won't go very far, I've been counting... there's an average of 18 cars stopped at each intersection on my ride home at any given red light. If every car that stopped dropped just 50 cents into that bucket, that guy would collect $9 every 90 seconds. Imagine the cumulative effort of only 1 hour's work? Think of the number of veterans that could be served with the change that's just hanging out in our cupholders. It's this "cumulative effort" theory that stands behind this little guy, my new friend Chip.

Chip is from CoolPeopleCare, an organization I can't say enough wonderful things about. CoolPeopleCare is aiming to be THE online destination for anyone who wants to make a difference, and all it takes is 5 minutes a day. They're full of ideas on how to make your community and your world a better place, things that make a huge cumulative impact but you may never think of on your own. Bookmark the site, or sign up for their daily email newsletter and let them come right to you every day.

Want to learn more? Check out their site, see what they're all about, what they believe. If you like what you see, you can even order a copy of their new book for yourself, or to give to a friend. (I've already preordered five, and will give them as gifts along with some fun stickers and t-shirts).

Come on, take 5 minutes out of your day... you'll be glad that you did!

("Chip" logo used by permission from Sam at CoolPeopleCare)

He Already Has

Last night on my way home from work, I was waiting for the green arrow so I could turn left at a very busy intersection. Standing in the median was a young man in uniform, collecting donations for a new Veteran's Assistance Center that's opening up nearby. I flagged him down and he said, "God Bless You" as I dropped a few dollars in his bucket. My response was the same as it always is: "He already has."

I would never call myself a "religious" person, and some might even question how "good" a Christian I actually am... I don't attend church regularly, I've never read the Bible from beginning to end, and I married a Jewish guy. What I hope no one ever questions is that I'm a good person, that I do good things, and that I strive every day to leave the world a nicer place than I found it, whether through my words, my actions, my time, my money, or most importantly, my children. There's another post brewing in my head about "doing good things," but this one is about God.

It frightens me a little bit to blog about God, actually. It's not because I think he'd disapprove, but because I know there are people out there who can do Him a lot more justice, who can probably get it "more right" than I can. So this post is about my relationship with God, my thoughts about God, my opinions and perspectives and random thoughts only.

How many times have I prayed when something is wrong? When I need help? When I need answers? Strength? Healing? Acceptance? How many times have I prayed when something is right? When I don't need anything, except to say "thank you for my blessings?" The former certainly outweighs the latter, but it's something I'm working on every day... saying Thank You to Him for my blessings, and to remember that I truly do have a blessed life.

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In late 1998, an oncologist said "cancer" and "complete hysterectomy" to me in the same breath. I was 23 years old, engaged, and the rest of that conversation is a blur. God sent me a ladybug, and I fought back. I refused to accept that course of action, and today I have two perfect little girls that remind me daily that I made the right choice. Why did God put cancer in my path? Why did he give me that ladybug to remind me not to give up? Would I have loved my children just as much, been as grateful for them, been as amazed by them every day if I'd never been told I couldn't have them in the first place? Maybe. Or maybe, I would have taken them for granted, would have let my career come first, been just another corporate bee who happened to have kids, instead of a mommy who happens to have another job, too. At the time, I asked God why. Today, I thank him for the lesson and the blessing.

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When my grandfather passed away unexpectedly in late August 2001, I again questioned God. Grandpa was only in his early 70's. He was a good person. He volunteered his time. He had so few "things" but would give you anything he owned if you needed it. If he didn't have it, he'd borrow it from someone else and loan it to you. I didn't get to say goodbye. Why did this happen? Again, God gave me ladybugs.

On my flight home from his funeral, I took a puddle-jumper plane from central New York into New York City for my connecting flight to Florida. I'd flown in and out of NYC over at least 200 times, I'd seen the city from the air at all times of day, from all directions. This time, though, the plane flew east to the Bronx, and then turned south down the west side of Manhattan. For the first time ever, I got to see Yankee Stadium from the air. (If you've ever been to the stadium -- Yankees fan or not -- you'll know why this is so special.) The people next to me were asleep so I didn't feel guilty about hogging the entire window, my nose almost pressed to the glass. We flew past Central Park, the sun shining through the trees. The light bounced off the top of the Empire State Building before we passed Times Square. I looked in awe at the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center, towers I'd been in more times than I could count from working in the building next door for 6 months and taking the WTC subway every day. We flew south past the Statue of Liberty and looped back around before heading into LaGuardia. I'd seen most of this view so many times, but that day, it was as if I was seeing it for the very first time. That memory is cemented in my brain. I wondered at the time if my grandpa had ever seen that view, but realized his view was now much better than my own.

Two weeks later, terrorists brought down those towers. Suddenly, I understood why God called my grandpa when He did, and why the pilot took that route on my flight home. As a part of the Salvation Army's Disaster Relief Team, my grandfather would have been the first one to volunteer to go to Ground Zero. They would have told him he was too old, his health was not stable enough. God knew Grandpa would be a great asset, and decided to use him in His own way to help in the aftermath. There's no doubt in my mind that Grandpa was standing right inside the gates of Heaven when those people arrived, ready to do whatever he could. And that pilot's flight path was also a gift, a "one last look" before the world changed. There are no more questions about "why," only prayers of thanks for the blessings.

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My husband and I were in the process of having our first home built during my first pregnancy. The house was running behind schedule and we moved in only 6 weeks before my due date. I was anxious to get the nursery done, get all the boxes unpacked, blinds hung and fans installed before the baby arrived. Only two things were left: buy a small TV for the guest room (my parents were planning to visit for a while after the baby was born) and make one last set of curtains (also for the guest room).

It was a Saturday afternoon, the curtains were cut, pinned and ready to sew. My in-laws called with an offer to take us to dinner, then to BrandsMart to pick up the TV. We had a great dinner and were waiting to have the TV loaded into their car when, much to my surprise, my water broke. Well, actually, started to leak. It was too soon! She wasn't due for 3 more weeks and there were things unfinished on my list! I didn't tell anyone until after we'd gotten home and my in-law's left. My husband told me to call the doctor. I wasn't in labor, so I ignored him and instead just to bed.

On Sunday morning (and still not in labor!) I called my mom, who convinced me to call the doctor, who convinced me to go to the hospital to get checked. I cried the whole way. It was too soon! What if she's not fully developed? Who's going to make those curtains? This is not my plan! I asked "why" the whole way there.

After she was born (she was perfectly healthy), I learned that another woman who I knew casually from an online "due date club" during my pregnancy also had her little girl on the very same day. Her daughter didn't want to come out, and mine was 3 weeks early. Why did things not go "right" for either one of us? We started talking more and more frequently about our stories and our little "birthday twins." It's been over 4 years now, and she and I still talk every day. There's not a thing in the world she doesn't know about me, and we're only half joking when we say the other one has half of our own brain. We finish sentences, we know what the other is thinking, and we just "get it." She lives more than half way across the country, and who knows when we'll even get to meet in person. But still, she's my "sister" and one of my very best friends. I used to ask "why" my daughter arrived early, now I thank God for the blessing her early arrival brought to me.

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I could go on and on (as if I haven't already!), but I'm at a point in my life where things just seem to look more like blessings than problems. There's a silver lining everywhere, a big ole' pot of gold, if I'm just willing to look. Some days that's a lot more difficult than others, and sometimes it takes days, weeks or months to find it, even if it's been in front of my face all along. So today, and everyday, I will do my best to remember to thank God for my blessings, to say Thank You for all that's right in my life, to remember that when it comes to blessing me, He already has... beyond measure.

Nice Matters

Last week, Julie at The Surrendered Scribe gave me my first ever blog award, called "Nice Matters." Wasn't that nice? I had no idea you could get a blog award, but I'm honored and I love it. Now I have the opportunity to pass it on to someone else who makes a difference.

A few months ago, I stopped by one of my favorite sites, called Cool People Care. On that site was a link to a blog called Sixty-Six Days, Luanne's story of the goals she was working on in the 66 days leading up to her 50th birthday. Her goals were not to change the world, but to make some positive impacts in her own life, and the lives of those around her. She ran 2 miles without stopping, she wrote a 30-story book, she lost some weight, and most importantly, she learned a lot about herself. Luanne's blog is a big part of what inspired me to add "Be a Non Smoker" to my 5 Things List.

After her 50th birthday, she started a new blog called Luanne @ 50. I'm enjoying this one just as much. Though the days following her 50th birthday were spent recovering from gall bladder surgery, she's back to jogging again, taking life at her own pace, and figuring out how she'd give away $100,000 if she stumbled across it.

I admit, I'm really bad about posting comments to blogs (I rarely ever do it, even when I'm inspired), but every one of her entries inspires me, or puts a smile on my face, or gives me the little nudge I need to get motivated for something.

So Lu, even though you don't know me, I'd like to pass this award on to you, because Nice really does Matter.

I am Supergirl

A while back, Pepsi ran a promotion in conjunction with the Superman Returns movie, which included the big Superman "S" logo on the side of their cans. One night we had a friend over for dinner and he was teaching my daughter (who was not quite 3 at the time) that "S" was for Superman. After dinner, the two of them played Superman and Supergirl and for weeks after that, she would ask me, when she saw me drinking a Pepsi, if I was Supergirl, too. I was never sure how to answer, as I never quite felt like Supergirl... but to her, "Supergirl" just meant that I'd put on a pretend cape and pretend to fly around the house with her. To my little girl, I was Supergirl.

If you've read my past few blog posts, you'll know that I have recently quit smoking. This has been a HUGE step for me and though I'm only 2 weeks in, I really believe that finally, this is the time that's going to work for me. I was ready, I was motivated, and I'm doing it! Though I'm a perfectionist at heart and my own most critical reviewer (I always feel like no matter what I've done, I always could have done it a little bit better), I have to admit that with the smoking thing, I feel awesome about myself. There's nothing I could have done better, and I am so stinkin' proud!

This weekend I was shopping at my favorite discount store, on my way to the checkout. As I was walking by the aisle with the pocketbooks, I noticed a display of baseball caps. One in particular caught my attention... it was a navy blue hat with a big pink "S" logo on the front. Supergirl. The front of the brim was intentionally frayed in a few places, exposing pink underneath. Made the hat look loved and worn. It was a hat a young person would wear. This hat was cool!

I intended to keep walking toward the checkout, but I couldn't. I had to go see the hat. $9. Not bad. I picked it up. I tried it on. I found a mirror to see how it looked. I put it back. I picked it up again. Why couldn't I put this hat down? The debate started in my head:

"You really don't need another hat."

"But this hat is cute! I love this hat!"

"Superman? You've never even seen the movie!"

"I just got a raise and quit smoking. I deserve a treat. And besides, this hat is only $9. What's the big deal here?"

"Daughter is going to take this hat from you, you'll never get to wear it anyway."

"Fine, so if she loves it that much, I'll come back and buy her one, too."

I bought that hat. Of course, once I get started, I can't stop myself. I also picked up a $6 pink t-shirt to match it. Mind you, I've never really been a fan of pink. Too girly. But lately, I've been drawn to it. A few weeks ago, I even let Daughter (now age 4) talk me into buying a pink cell phone when I went to get my old one replaced. My sister just sent me a pink purse. And now, I choose a hat with a pink Superman logo, and then a pink t-shirt, too? What's going on with me?

So I take the Supergirl hat home. I put it on to show Hubby. I'm feeling pretty darn hip in this hat, I have to say. "You bought a ripped hat?" he asks me.

"Yes, I think it looks cool." He rolls his eyes, but admits the hat is nice.

I got thinking about it more and I've decided that this really is the perfect hat for me. Yes, folks, I am Supergirl. And not only to my 4-year-old. I am Supergirl to myself, and it feels pretty darn good. Though I've got some visible frays and scars on the outside, underneath is a beautiful person. On the outside I may be plain and not overly girly, but I am strong and amazing underneath. And right there in the middle, for everyone to see? Supergirl.

After quitting smoking I know this more than ever: I am capable of anything. I might not be invincible, but I know I can face any challenge head-on and nothing is too big to get through. I might fall down and get a few scrapes, but underneath, I am still strong and determined and yes, sometimes girly. Yes, I am Supergirl.

The Good, The Bad and The (hopefully not so) Ugly

My husband often asks me, "which do you want first, the good news or the bad news?" I usually ask for the bad news first, with the hope that the good news is so good, the bad news won't matter. Today, though, I'll start with the good news first, because it's just too good to wait for!

As I've posted before, I'm working on a goal to "Be a Non-Smoker." Yesterday was my last day as a smoker. Today, I am a non-smoker. Wow, that was easy... yesterday I was a smoker, and today I am not. Clearly, it remains to be seen if I'm still a non-smoker this afternoon, and tomorrow, and next week and next month, but at least for right now, in this moment, I am a non-smoker.

Unlike with weight loss (something I know a lot of people struggle with and may be able to relate to more than smoking), I can just "declare" myself a non-smoker and as long as I don't light up, then I get to be just that. With weight loss, I can't just declare myself thin and be done with it. For me (as a smoker), this is the good news... I say it, and it's done! Easy as pie.

Of course, there's bad news, too... it's not really as simple as "just don't light up" anymore. Even with The Magic Pill I'm taking to help me, I still feel the signs of withdrawal (headache, inability to concentrate as much for a long period of time, etc.) and the habits are ingrained (reach for a smoke when I get in the car, when I'm hungry, before a long conference call is about to begin for work, etc.). So, the bad news is that I still have to work at not lighting up, and I know it'll be a rough row to hoe, but I'm ready!

With The Good and The Bad usually comes The Ugly, which may well be how I'm acting a few days from now (Quit Day 3 has historically been the hardest for me). However, for now I choose to focus on The Good (I'm a non-smoker) and will mitigate The Bad (cravings and withdrawal) as it comes, in order to avoid The Ugly. Look how much progress I've made already:

Within X time after my last cigarette (last night at 10:02pm):

• 20 minutes - My blood pressure, pulse rate, and the temperature of my hands and feet all returned to normal.
• 12 hours - My blood oxygen level has increased to normal and carbon monoxide levels have have dropped to normal.

And I've got this to look forward to:

• 48 hours - Damaged nerve endings will have started to regrow and my sense of smell and taste will begin to return to normal.
• 72 hours - My entire body will test 100% nicotine-free and over 90% of all nicotine metabolites will now have passed from my body. I can also expect the symptoms of chemical withdrawal to have peaked in intensity. My bronchial tubes will have begun to relax thus making it easier to breathe. My lung capacity will have also started to increase.
• 10 days to 2 weeks - My body will have physically adjusted to again functioning without nicotine and the more than 3,500 chemical particles and 500 gases present in each and every puff.
• 2 weeks to 3 months - My heart attack risk will have started to drop. My lung function will have started to improve.
• 3 weeks to 3 months - My circulation will have substantially improved. Walking will have become easier. Any smoker's cough will have disappeared.
• 1 to 9 months - Any smoking related sinus congestion, fatigue or shortness of breath will have decreased. Cilia will have regrown in my lungs, thereby increasing their ability to handle mucus, keep my lungs clean, and reduce infections. My body's overall energy will have increased.
• 1 year - My excess risk of coronary heart disease will have dropped to less than half that of a smoker.
• 5 to 15 years - My risk of stroke will have declined to that of a non-smoker.
• 10 years - My risk of death from lung cancer will have declined by almost half . My risk of cancer of the mouth, throat and esophagus will have decreased.
• 15 years - My risk of coronary heart disease will be that of a person who has never smoked.

Source: WhyQuit.com

Gap Analysis

In my 9-5 job, I work as a consultant. As consultants, we use lots of fancy-schmancy words (such as "deliverable" and "workobject" and "prioritization queue") in order to make ourselves sound important. Unfortunately, some of these words carry over into my "other" jobs (wife, mother, etc.) to the point that my husband often teases me that he can't do a home improvement project unless I first present to him "a design deliverable, in Power Point, with system flows and required signoffs."

If you've happened to read my other blog, you know that one of the things I'm working on in my personal life is to Be a Non Smoker. I've spent a good part of the past few weeks thinking about and planning for this goal, and in doing so, another fancy-schmancy term from work keeps ringing in my head, over and over again: Gap Analysis

What's a gap analysis? It's a simple concept, really. My job is basically to help large corporations improve their business and technology processes and infrastructure. To do this, the first step is to determine the current process and procedures. We call this the "as is." (Duh!) Next step is to determine how you want things to work in the future. We call this the "to be." (Again, duh!) The gap analysis is just what it sounds like... a long, hard look at the difference (gap) between what you have today and what you want to have tomorrow. (No, it's really not rocket science, but don't tell that to the people that hire us "consultants!") After that comes the "workplan," wherein you lay out all the detailed steps on how to get from "as is" to "to be," thus closing off the gap.

So as I've been thinking about "Be a Non Smoker," I've been doing some soul searching about why now, finally, is the time for me to do this and do it right. There are all the obvious reasons about why it's a good idea to stop smoking... it's unhealthy, it smells bad, etc. But I've tried to quit (with varying degrees of success) more times than I can count and every time I've quit, I've started back up again. Unhealthy and smelly don't seem to be enough to make me quit for good. I needed more than that. Enter my own personal gap analysis.

What it boils down to is that my "to be Kat" is not someone who smokes. She's not someone who relies on chemicals or settles for "I can't do it because it's too hard." This is not to say I'm a wuss... I've overcome pretty much everything else "bad" in my life, and I don't settle for much less than perfection in most things... but this smoking thing keeps kicking my butt, over and over again.

There are lots of other things I'd like to change about myself, some of them small and some of them big. Short of hitting the lottery, quitting my job and moving to a remote island in the South Pacific, some of them will never happen, and that's OK with me. It's a balance I need to find and accept for myself on which of the "as is" things can be incorporated into my life in a "this is OK with me" sort of way, which things I can change, and what a realistic, affordable "to be" looks like. My gap analysis is a work in progress (and the workplan is still in very early draft mode), but it's something I've been giving more and more thought to. What can I improve? What can I afford? What gives me the most bang for my buck vs. what might "cost" more (not necessarily in terms of money) but has the best CBA (cost benefit analysis -- another consulting buzzword).

Not sure where my gap analysis will lead me, though in my mind I'm working on an honest picture of my "as is" and thinking through what's a realistic, achievable "to be." I may or may not post more on it here, and these things may or may not end up on my 5 Things list. But... it's a great, honest, introspective exercise and if you haven't ever tried it, it's something you might also think about doing.

Though it's a lot of work (mentally, emotionally and maybe, even physically) to start tackling my "to be Kat" list, I hope that even when this exercise is done, there will be more to add. After all, what fun would life be if you knew that this is as good as it's going to get? There's always more to work on, always a way to improve, always a "next thing." My next thing is to Be a Non Smoker.... what's yours?

Perspective

Saturday was a crazy day in our house, as Saturdays always are. 4-year-old fell asleep in the car on the way home from dance class registration (she's going to be a ballerina, you know). We let her sleep, but that meant lunch was late - not until around 2:30.

Sitting around the kitchen table to a feast of Kraft mac & cheese with hot dogs, lovingly prepared by my husband, we were surrounded by the sounds of total chaos. 4-year-old (who refuses to eat mac & cheese) had a sandwich in front of her, made from her very favorite things: ham, cheese, ranch dressing (instead of mayo) and multi-grain bread. Alone, she'd devour any one of them in an instant. But stack them together and convince her to take a bite? It would be less painful to have my teeth pulled without Novocain. She was having a melt-down.

1-year-old, who is more than happy to eat anything and everything in sight, was busy launching macaroni and hot dogs off the tray of her high chair and onto the floor, all the while screaming because Hubby refused to hand her a bottle full of water he was drinking from.

Doggie was hiding under the table, trying to stay out of the middle of all this, though occasionally venturing out to gobble all the food that was landing on the floor in front of him. Hubby and I, trying to hear each other over the screaming, were trying to figure out what we did in life to deserve the constant drama. We deserved a vacation, we decided. Better yet, a nap.

Hubby and I spent the rest of the weekend trying to navigate the waters of our busy, insane, LOUD household, and made frequent comments to each other about what a zoo our place was. In spite of the fact that 1-year-old is truly the happiest, cutest child to ever walk (er, crawl) the face of the earth (biased? me?), she is a complete and total menace. A true troublemaker and into everything, I think her motto in life must be "the louder and messier, the better." 4-year-old, who happens to be amazingly beautiful and much smarter and more articulate than the "average" 4-year-old (again, no bias!), is also the most dramatic person I have ever met in my life. There is no such thing as black & white with her... it's all very complex shades of gray, which she will explain to you in excruciating detail, and then sob like she's lost her best friend when her own perspective is even half a shade off from yours. By Monday morning, I think Hubby and I were both almost relieved to go back to work.

And then on Monday, I read about Miles.

Click on the link, read his story. If you're short on time, this one from Anderson Cooper (of CNN) sums it up the best. Trust me, it'll help you put your life in perspective, and very, very quickly.

Last night, Hubby again made a comment about the insanity that is our life together. I'll tell you, like I told him... I'm glad for the insanity. I'm thankful for the togetherness. I'm grateful for the time we have, insane or not, and never again will I wish myself away from it, even for a nano-second.

"The way I see it, we're not entitled to one breath of air. We did nothing to earn it, so whatever we get is bonus. I might be more than a little disappointed with the hand I've been dealt, but this is what it is. Thinking about what it could be is pointless. It ought to be different, that's for sure, but it ain't. A moment spent moping is a moment wasted." - Miles Levin

Read the article. Get some perspective. Then go on enjoying your amazing, blessed life. I know that I sure will.