... Moments where I'm brimming with pride, for something they've accomplished on their own.
... Moments where my heart breaks for the pain I can't take away.
... Moments where my heart stops when they're not in the place where I left them, or I have one of those illogical "something awful has happened to them" dreams.
... Moments where I can't decide whether to celebrate with laughter or cry with a touch of sadness at the milestone they've reached, which means my "baby" is growing up.
... Moments that I can't categorize in any other way, except that they make my heart smile.
Besides being a mom, I also have a full-time, outside-the-home job. Our schedules are hectic enough, and with commute times we (the whole family) are out of the house close to 12 hours/day every day during the week. On top of that, I find myself leaving early or working late at least once a week. I always try to prep the family in advance for this, especially Rachel.
"I'm going to come give you a big hug and kiss before I go, but I have a work meeting in the morning so I have to leave early and you might not be up yet."
or
"I promise to come tuck you in and read you a story soon, but I need you to play quietly for just a little bit because I have a work meeting on the phone right now."
After a long weekend at Disney World, we decided the kids should go to bed a bit early last night. I could tell that Rachel was not excited about this, and she was restless when I tucked her into bed. She poked her head out of her room once, I tucked her back in. She tossed and turned. I tucked her back in. I peeked into her room one last time before going downstairs to watch TV with hubby, and my heart stopped for a second when I saw her empty bed. She couldn't have gone anywhere, I was in the office right outside her bedroom, but it's that initial "Oh my God, she's not where I left her" panic that we parents can't seem to shake.
It only took about 3 seconds for her to emerge from her closet, see me and jump - I'd startled her. She was holding the bottom corners of a t-shirt, upside down, yet very precisely. Odd, this is a kid who hates to wear shirts and pants, only dresses.
I watched her walk to her bed, where she very carefully laid this t-shirt on a stack of 3 other t-shirts, precisely over top of the one below, and smoothed out all the wrinkles.
"Rach, what are you doing with the shirts?"
"I'm getting ready, Mom, so I don't have to get up so early."
"Ready for what, Rachel?"
"A work meeting."
I wanted to be mad at her for being out of bed, for playing with clothes she has no intention of wearing, preparing for a "meeting" she doesn't really have. But I couldn't be mad, it was just too cute.
I convinced her to move the pile of shirts off the bed and onto the floor, with the promise that I would leave them there until morning. I tucked her back in (again!) and went downstairs to watch TV.
Before I went to bed, I went in to give her one last kiss. Apparently, she had finished the preparations for her work meeting:
I'm not sure why, but something about this sight brought a smile to my face and a smile to my heart. I can't explain it, and hubby certainly didn't understand my urge to scoop Rachel up, hug her until she burst and tell her how happy she makes me. Maybe no one else will understand either.... but this, my friends, was a moment that made my heart smile.
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I just had to add that it was 8 years ago today that I married the love of my life, who built this amazing family with me, to give me endless, priceless, makes-my-heart-smile-moments.
