Happy Birthday Rachie Roo!

I don't know where the time goes... seems like just yesterday that she was born. Six pounds, two ounces, and 3 weeks ahead of schedule. Today she turns five.

Rachel is the kindest, sweetest person I know. She's smart, funny, creative, stubborn and beautiful. She's got a temper to match the fiery red hair, and a smile to make it not matter a bit. She loves pink, princesses, craft projects and chocolate. I love her beyond measure, and I can't imagine my life without her.

Friday she had an accident at summer camp, cracked the bottom of her chin on the edge of the pool. Seven stitches. She was so brave, so tough, so unlike I would have been. She has a heart of gold, a will of steel, and a courage unmatched in any child I've ever known. She amazes me daily, inspires me always, and never ceases to make my heart smile.

What a blessing she has been in my life, one I thank God for daily. The doctors told me I'd never carry a pregnancy to term, yet I've been blessed with two perfect miracles that remind me never to give up, always to look for the best in life, and never to settle for anything less than your heart can dream.

To my beautiful, amazing, sweet, funny little girl, may your life be blessed with the love, the joy and the perspective with which you have blessed mine.

Happy, Happy 5th Birthday, Rachel!

Love,
Mommy

The Best Accessory

The first time she asked me to wear the necklace to work, I hesitated. I'd watched her tiny hands concentrate for an hour on stringing those plastic beads patiently onto a piece of white yarn, grimacing each time one fell yet diligently persevering. My heart smiled when she announced at the end, "I made this for you, Mommy!"

Indeed, it was a beautiful work of art for a 3-year-old, just not quite the type of thing that went well with my much more "professional" work clothes. But the sad look on her face as my mind raced on how to tell her it was really better to save it for an "at home only necklace" had me saying, "of course I'll wear it!" before I knew it.

I placed the necklace on the passenger's seat before getting out of my car at the office. "Don't forget to put that back on when you get home!" I told myself.

Entering the house after work, I heard the eager pitter-patter of little footsteps running to greet me. In an instant, though, her sad eyes told me that I hadn't remembered to put it back on, and I'd been caught. I could hear her heart sinking as she sadly asked the questions. "Didn't you wear my necklace to work, Mommy? Where is it?"

My heart sank right along with hers. Afraid to look silly at the office, I'd made a promise that I never intended to keep. And in the process, I'd broken her heart. I made myself a new promise right then and there that looking silly didn't matter nearly as much as that beautiful little face, and the pride I knew her heart would feel when I could, with a clear conscience, tell her that yes, I wore her necklace to work, all day long.

My made-with-love-by-Rachel necklace collection is up to at least 1/2 dozen, with several bracelets, as well. I have jewelry made of macaroni, cut up straws, beads, lace, ribbons and plastic trim. She knows that the bead necklace matches the purple shirt, the straw necklace matches the red shirt, and the macaroni goes with most anything. When she sees me wearing one of those tops, she asks me to put on a necklace. I do it, every single time, and I wear it all day long.

I used to be one of those people who are now giving me odd glances, perhaps chuckling a bit, or asking why I'm wearing pasta around my neck. But then there are the other mothers in my office, who give me a smile and a nod, and who know exactly why I've got this on and why "beautiful and loving" and not "silly and inappropriate" is the proper way to describe my accessories.

I'm sure I'll continue to promise that "someday" we'll go to see the pyramids, even though I'm not sure if I mean it. I'll still tell her we're out of M&Ms when I think she's had enough, rather than explain why she just can't have any more. And yes, Rachel, there is a Tooth Fairy and an Easter Bunny and Dumbo can really fly.

But the necklaces? Such a small request to accommodate yet such an important promise to keep. Certainly not worth fibbing about, and I'll never, ever do it again.

Next time you see a parent with a silly hat or a necklace made of straws or Nemo stickers all over their shirt, don't laugh. Instead, smile and nod, and know that's a promise kept to a very proud child. Myself, I can't think of any accessory more beautiful than a child's smile, can you?

My Kent

Luanne had a great post the other day, I encourage you to take a minute to go over to her blog and read it before you finish reading this. It came at a perfect time for me and though at first it appears to be about a horse (Big Brown) and a jockey (Kent Desormeaux), there's so much more to it than that. It's about having someone in your life who knows that, no matter how much pressure there is and how much potential you might have to meet everyone's expectations, we all need someone who knows when today just isn't our day to win the race, and lets us off the hook.

My Kent is named Brenda. Her parents and my parents were friends from church before I was born, so I've known Brenda for, well, I don't remember not knowing Brenda. She's a little bit older than me and over the course of my life she's been my babysitter, my big sister, my other mother and the best kind of friend. We've been through pretty much everything there is to be through together. I've had the pleasure of watching her boys grow into amazing young men, and have had my own chance to be their babysitter and big sister, just like their mom was to me.

Brenda fed me extra fudgesicles and helped me learn to swim in her parent's pool. She did my hair (much to my dad's dismay sometimes!), painted my nails and did my makeup when I was still young enough that those things were a HUGE treat. She took me shopping for prom dresses and did my hair for the Big Night. She was my Matron of Honor when I married the love of my life. She's prayed and hugged and laughed and cried and supported me through my cancer scare, my career challenges, my Big Move to Florida, the birth of my children and everything in between. Her love and support and "making sure Kat puts herself first" are without fail, without condition, without question.

But what makes Brenda most remarkable is that even from 1360 miles away, she still knows when I need a hug. She still knows when I'm over-doing it, she still knows when I need a break. And she's not afraid to call me on it. She knows that even though my potential is there, the expectation is there, that every so often, I just can't do it all. She reminds me to ease up, to take a break, that it's OK to not win all the races all the time. And she means it. And when she says it, I believe it.

Luanne, thank you for your post and the great reminder and perspective.

And Brenda, my wonderful, amazing Brenda... thank you today, tomorrow and always for being there for me, for being my Kent.

Moments that make your heart smile

I'm sure it's true for all parents, but as a mom, I know I definitely have my moments when it comes to the kids...

... Moments where I'm brimming with pride, for something they've accomplished on their own.

... Moments where my heart breaks for the pain I can't take away.

... Moments where my heart stops when they're not in the place where I left them, or I have one of those illogical "something awful has happened to them" dreams.

... Moments where I can't decide whether to celebrate with laughter or cry with a touch of sadness at the milestone they've reached, which means my "baby" is growing up.

... Moments that I can't categorize in any other way, except that they make my heart smile.

Besides being a mom, I also have a full-time, outside-the-home job. Our schedules are hectic enough, and with commute times we (the whole family) are out of the house close to 12 hours/day every day during the week. On top of that, I find myself leaving early or working late at least once a week. I always try to prep the family in advance for this, especially Rachel.

"I'm going to come give you a big hug and kiss before I go, but I have a work meeting in the morning so I have to leave early and you might not be up yet."

or

"I promise to come tuck you in and read you a story soon, but I need you to play quietly for just a little bit because I have a work meeting on the phone right now."

After a long weekend at Disney World, we decided the kids should go to bed a bit early last night. I could tell that Rachel was not excited about this, and she was restless when I tucked her into bed. She poked her head out of her room once, I tucked her back in. She tossed and turned. I tucked her back in. I peeked into her room one last time before going downstairs to watch TV with hubby, and my heart stopped for a second when I saw her empty bed. She couldn't have gone anywhere, I was in the office right outside her bedroom, but it's that initial "Oh my God, she's not where I left her" panic that we parents can't seem to shake.

It only took about 3 seconds for her to emerge from her closet, see me and jump - I'd startled her. She was holding the bottom corners of a t-shirt, upside down, yet very precisely. Odd, this is a kid who hates to wear shirts and pants, only dresses.

I watched her walk to her bed, where she very carefully laid this t-shirt on a stack of 3 other t-shirts, precisely over top of the one below, and smoothed out all the wrinkles.

"Rach, what are you doing with the shirts?"

"I'm getting ready, Mom, so I don't have to get up so early."

"Ready for what, Rachel?"

"A work meeting."

I wanted to be mad at her for being out of bed, for playing with clothes she has no intention of wearing, preparing for a "meeting" she doesn't really have. But I couldn't be mad, it was just too cute.

I convinced her to move the pile of shirts off the bed and onto the floor, with the promise that I would leave them there until morning. I tucked her back in (again!) and went downstairs to watch TV.

Before I went to bed, I went in to give her one last kiss. Apparently, she had finished the preparations for her work meeting:


I'm not sure why, but something about this sight brought a smile to my face and a smile to my heart. I can't explain it, and hubby certainly didn't understand my urge to scoop Rachel up, hug her until she burst and tell her how happy she makes me. Maybe no one else will understand either.... but this, my friends, was a moment that made my heart smile.

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I just had to add that it was 8 years ago today that I married the love of my life, who built this amazing family with me, to give me endless, priceless, makes-my-heart-smile-moments.