Happy Birthday, Boo Bear!

We named her Jessica Danielle, after Craig's Aunt Joann and Grandpa Dominic, but we just call her Boo Bear. She has my hair color, eye color, and stubborn determination. She has her father's body type, smile and fun-loving personality. She has her sister's love of tea parties and all things Disney. She has her own sense of adventure, twinkling eyes and aren't-I-cute-as-I-wreak-lots-of-havoc personality. She's our little baby girl, and today she turns two.

She was born on her own terms, her own timing, almost 3 full weeks early. She weighed in at 6 pounds, 6 ounces and was 19 1/4 inches long.

Her 6th and 7th week on this earth were the longest two weeks of my life. Her acid reflux left her in so much pain that she'd scream the moment you laid her down. I held her for two weeks straight, no exaggeration. We slept sitting up in the recliner, she showered with me, she never, ever left my arms. At 8 weeks I took her to the pediatrician (for the ump-teenth time), I was in tears. "Watch what happens when I lay her down," I told him. I put her on the exam table, expecting her to scream. She smiled at us both. From that day on, she was fine. Life is on Jessica's terms... always has been, probably always will be.

Beginning around her 15 month checkup, the pediatrician noticed that she was not gaining weight on average with other kids her age. We went through a long period of close monitoring, some tests, and fed her everything in sight. She remained happy, active and ate like a horse, she just didn't gain weight. Until she was ready. Once again, life on Jessica's terms... always has been, probably always will be.

Those excruciatingly long 2 weeks, and now I look back and can't believe it's been 2 years since the day she was born. Where does the time go? I'm afraid to blink, we'll be watching her graduate from college before I know it.

Life would certainly not be complete without our little ray of sunshine, who keeps us on our toes, exhausts us to no end, but fills our home with laughter, love and non-stop action. She and her sister are the loves our our lives, the meaning for our existence, and our constant reminder that you never need to look farther than the walls of your own home to see all that is good and right in this world. Perspective, love, adorableness and fun... those are just some of the gifts that she gives to us daily.

To my little Bessie Boo Boo Bear, may may your life be blessed with the same wonderful joys you give to us each and every day. Happy, Happy 2nd Birthday!

All my love,
Mommy

Voice: Found!

Alas, I've been MIA for a while. May was a tough month for me, I didn't have the time or the energy to blog much. However, I'd promised Julie a post for her blog (see why here), and spent most of the month struggling with that. Just when I was about to give up, though, I found my voice. It was in a place I didn't even think to look and it snuck up on me. I'm so glad that it did, it gave me renewed perspective which apparently, had been a bit misplaced. You can read my story over on Julie's blog, The Surrendered Scribe.

Now that my voice has been found, though, I'm full speed ahead! Look for a new post on my 5Things blog, and more frequent activity right here. Oh, and Julie tagged me to write a scary story, so I'm working on that, too!

Happy June, everyone!

Be Thankful

It's that time of year again when everyone starts talking about thankfulness and blessings. I love the opportunity to stop and reflect on all that I have, all I've been blessed with, especially since the day-to-day can often get in the way of remembering these things as often as I should.

A while back, I blogged about some of my blessings in life and how I was trying hard to remember to be thankful for them every single day, not just taking life for granted. Luanne starting doing that on her blog, with a daily list of gifts she's thankful for. For the entire month of November, Julie has blogged every day about 5 things she's thankful for. What great inspirations, both of them!

This morning I decided to randomly look up a website, just to see what would be there: www.BeThankful.com. It's a quaint little site with some wonderful thoughts and nice reminders, definitely check it out. On the main page I found this quote, which I like very much:

"If the only prayer you ever say in your life is thank you,

it will be enough." (Meister Eckhart)

I'm going to pin this quote up next to my computer, in my car, and on my fridge. May it remind me today, tomorrow, and always, to say THANK YOU for my life, for my blessings, for my gifts. But more than that, let me also remember to spread my blessings to others, even if only in very small ways, and to instill this same idea in my children. On Thanksgiving, my husband, 2 daughters and I will spend a few hours in the afternoon playing BINGO and board games with residents at an assisted living facility near our home. On Thanksgiving Day (and always, really!) I want my family not only to remember how much we have to be thankful for, but to also see how important (and easy) it is to share our blessings with other people. This year, we'll share "family togetherness" with people who don't have their family close for the holiday. Sure, playing BINGO might not change the world, but I already know that Grandma Caroline will be smiling for days after we leave because she "got to hug her little redhead" again. Sometimes, what's a little thing to you makes a big difference to someone else.

Here are just 3 of the things I'm especially thankful for this year. Of course, my family, our health, gainful employment, all those "standard" things apply. Below are three things I didn't have last year at this time, but will be thankful for every day from here on out:

1. Balance! Though I'd definitely like to work less, commute less, stress less and be with my family more, I have to say that I've struck a pretty decent balance in the last many months. My stress level is not high, my workload (at the office) is not too much, and I feel like family life is pretty good. Sure, I have my days... but no one thing is completely out of whack for any real period of time, and for this I am thankful!
2. Doing Good. For years and years I've talked about the "difference" I want to make in the world... volunteer work, charitable donations, starting a business or a website to promote either of these things. And, over the years, I have done a little bit of each. However, never as much as I think I should. This year, I reconnected with a great group called CoolPeopleCare, who reminded me that sometimes it's the little things that make a big difference. With this in mind, I've started a Making a Difference group in my housing development (complete with website and volunteer activities for all ages). I've gotten my family involved in "doing good" and this year I'm actually doing and not talking about doing.
3. Being a non-smoker. I was a pack/day smoker for the better part of 13 years. I have not had a cigarette since September 13. For this, I am thankful!

This year, as you're sitting down for your holiday meal, be thankful not only for the food you're about to eat and the people you're about to share it with... but also all those other daily blessings you have that you might not always remember to count. May they be endless on Thanksgiving and always!

Broken Record

I went back and re-read some of more recent posts. Gosh, do I sound like a broken record or what?!? "Wonderful husband, wonderful kids, wonderful dog, nice house, blah, blah, blah." While it's all true, the intent of this blog was never to brag about my wonderful life. In fact, I started it for reasons very different than that!


Strange, though, how over time, it's sort of turned in to that. At first, I was a bit annoyed. Not annoyed that I have a wonderful family, but that this blog has become, well, sappy! Yeesh! At one point, it even took me nearly a month to blog because I couldn't come up with a "problem" to blog about. Most people might think that's a good thing, and here I was all annoyed about it. What's wrong with me?!? (Wait, don't answer that...)


As I've mentioned before, I have a very long commute, and my commute time is spent thinking and pondering. If I've had a bad day, I try to decompress before getting home to my "real" life. If I haven't, and I'm not obsessing about the office, I make to-do lists or plan DIY projects or come up with blog ideas. I've really be struggling to come up with blog topics lately, though, because, get this... my life is so good. Huh??


Don't get me wrong, I still have my share of stress and frustration and problems. We all do. But somehow, some way, over the past few months, I've noticed a real change in myself. It's a change I've hoped for, prayed about, and desired for as long as I can remember. A change for the better. A change to be a more relaxed person, a happier person. To really exemplify my favorite motto: Live, Laugh, Love


I'm not sure how it happened, what changed. I'm not sure what triggered it, but I've realized all of a sudden that BAM! I've started to become that person. That infamous happy person. Not just content, but actually happy. Don't get me wrong, you'll never see me bubbly, and I'll never be a Type B. But wow, what a change I see in myself. I like it, I really like it!


There's no moral to this particular post, which started out to be an apology for being so sappy lately. Instead, it's just to point out something I've learned about myself recently, something I've been working on for a really long time. It really is possible to live a life where the "stuff" of life doesn't control you. It really is possible to balance a career, a family, and your own sanity level. It really is possible to have everything you need in life, and to appreciate it for what it is. Wow. Just wow!


So, no apologies for sounding like a broken record, just a statement that I realize I might. But, for very good reasons, me thinks!


I guess now that I've got all that out of the way, I should start working on some different blog post ideas... maybe I'll start with Obama. :-)

Proud to be.... Me

What a nice treat to have a day off in the middle of the week, don't you think? The Monday holidays are nice, as long weekends are good for travel and Sunday BBQs (since you don't need to go anywhere on Monday). But for me, the long weekends usually end up being just that... loooooooong weekends. You know, just one more day of doing chores and errands and other "necessary" stuff that makes the weekend less fun that it should be.

Since having a mid-week day off is such a rare treat, I decided to treat the 4th as a Freebie Day, instead of just one more day of chores and errands... everyone would get to do what they wanted to do, and not what was on Mom's to-do list.

For my (almost) 4-year-old, that meant 3 hours of playing dress-up in the morning, followed by a trip to the pool with Daddy. For my 1-year-old, that meant wreaking havoc all over the house, making messes, and eating, with a short break for a morning nap. For Hubby, that meant watching the History Channel and sports, while children crawled on his lap and asked, "Do you love my ballerina outfit, Daddy?" For me, that meant tackling thing #1 on my Next 5 Things list, cleaning out my craft closet.

The day went really well, and was capped off by both kids taking very long naps, which further facilitated the TV watching for hubby and the closet organizing for me. Woo hoo, what a day!!

Both kids fell asleep late in the afternoon, and were still asleep at 8:45pm. We had promised the 4-year-old a 4th of July picnic while watching the fireworks, so Hubby and I woke up both kids for our promised Family Fun Time.

Fireworks are legal in Florida (you can buy them from giant tents on every street corner), so lots of people put on their own shows. We have a really great setup in our house, in that our master bedroom (on the 2nd floor) has a 9-foot picture window from which we can see fireworks shows for 3 neighboring towns, plus all the fireworks the neighbors are doing. We've decided that, at least until the kids are older, our master bedroom is the best vantage point for the displays.

Our "picnic" was set up on our bed, a king size, so plenty of room for 2 parents, 2 kids and a dog. We spread out a blanket and feasted on chicken nuggets, Cheerios and popcorn. This was an especially good treat for the kids on two counts... eating on the bed and also, no vegetables!

My 4-year-old oohed and aahed at the fireworks, and proudly announced the color of each. "Did you see that big purple one, Mom? Hey Dad, there was a giant green one!" The baby, well, she did what she does best... ate and smiled and ate and smiled and ate some more. I popped in a Lee Greenwood CD, belted out "Proud to be an American" (one of my favorites) and taught my 4-year-old about the meaning of July 4th, how it's America's birthday.

I'm about as patriotic as they come. I donate to military organizations, proudly display the flag and look for ways to better my country. I won't get in to all of it here, but I really, truly am proud to be an American, and I don't take the freedoms I enjoy for granted.

At one point, I went downstairs to get a drink and when I came back up and walked into the bedroom, I found my husband and my 2 girls dancing in front of the window to the music of the Lee Greenwood CD. The big one was laughing at Daddy trying to remember all the words, the little one was laughing because the big one was laughing, and Hubby was laughing because the girls both were. I don't think they knew I was there, but I stood in the doorway and watched them dance and smile and laugh until the song was over. This, folks, is what I'm most proud of... this display of love and happiness, right in my very own home. The 4th of July is great, the fireworks are spectacular, and it's a good time to stop and celebrate all that we, as Americans, have been blessed with. But as I watched my family watching those fireworks, I was reminded of all that I have to be proud of not only on the 4th of July, but every single day of the year. I'm married to a wonderful man, we have 2 wonderful children (and a wonderful dog, too!). We've got food to eat and a house to live in, and enough money in the bank to pay all the bills. I credit a lot of this to the fact that we are Americans, that we have the freedom to make our own choices, and that we have chosen wisely... in our educations, our careers and in each other. But there's a part of me that's going to be even more selfish than that, and say that I had a lot to do with this, too. I'm so proud to be who I am... a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend. And watching the three people I love most dance and try to sing along reminded me to stop and remember that, not just on the 4th of July, but every single day. I hope you stop to think about all you have, not only because you're an American, but because you worked for it and you deserve it. I encourage you to be a Proud American, but also to be a Proud You.

Insanity

Several people have asked me when my next blog is coming. Well, here it is! Yes, it's been a while since I posted, but I like to take my time mulling over my thoughts before I write them. Several weeks ago, I had an idea for a blog about the emotional baggage so many of us seem to carry around with us all the time, and why it's not as easy to lose our "baggage" as it is for an airline to lose our luggage. A week into mulling this over, I came down with a cold, which turned into strep throat, fever, dehydration, the whole "knock me on my butt" thing. I was down for the count for almost 2 weeks and I sort of put the blog out of my mind. Now that I'm feeling better, though, I'm just not "feeling" that particular blog post anymore. Back to the drawing board for me!

As I was thinking about what to blog next, I came to the conclusion that I had nothing to blog about. It's not that I don't have a million thoughts going on in my head, it's that I don't have anything deep or troubling or insightful to say right now. And then it occurs to me, why do I have to have issues before I can blog something? Why not blog on the "everyday" stuff, too?

So here it is, a blog about my insanity.

When I say insanity, I'm not talking about the clinical definition. I'm talking about all the "stuff" of life that, if you let it, will make you feel like you're losing your mind. I'm talking about those times that, if you don't decide to just laugh, you might instead end up having a nervous breakdown. My husband and I had one of those moments last Friday night.

Fridays I work from home. It's a beautiful thing, since my commute to the office is 60 miles each way. After getting hubby and the kids out the door, I have about an hour of "free" time before my work day begins. Most days, I actually work during this time, but once in a while I use the time to do laundry, clean, etc. Last Friday, I used that hour to vacuum all my floors downstairs (all tile) and pick up the kids' playroom.

Friday night is pizza night at our house, and we'd settled in for dinner around 7pm, since that's when hubby and the kids get back home. As we were trying to corral the kids over to the table before dinner got cold, hubby and I both looked at each other and said, "I'm not even hungry." Apparently, neither were the kids. The little one (1 year old) was busy pulling everything she could find out of drawers and cabinets all over the house, the dog was scratching and getting black hair all over the newly-cleaned floors, and the big one (almost 4) was dumping out bins of blocks, dolls and crayons all over the playroom. So much for our relaxing evening and my nice clean house!

It was definitely one of those moments where, had I let it, I could have crumbled to the floor in defeat at my day (week?) not going how I'd planned... my clean house now in shambles again, dinner getting cold on the table, and an impending weekend of family events and other commitments. But, at the very same moment, hubby and I just looked at each other and laughed. "This place is insane!" I said to him. "Yes," he replied, "but it's our insanity and I love it!"

You know what, he was right. We laughed and hugged and smiled at our insane kids, our insane dog, our insane house and our cold pizza. Sometimes, you just need to take a step back and realize that even when it's insane, it's yours. The fact that we have 2 beautiful kids (crazy as they are), a beautiful home, a really cool dog and dinner on the table... can anyone really ask for more? Insane or not, it's our life, and it's a beautiful one. It's a blessed one. It's one not to be taken for granted.

So next time life gets crazy, when you feel like rolling your eyes or beating your fists or crumbling to the floor, stop and look at it from a different perspective. It might be crazy, but certainly it's never boring, hopefully it's even a little bit fun. Live it to the fullest, laugh about it when you can, and love it no matter what. You only get one go-round in this world, so try your best enjoy every insane moment of it. Sometimes, it's the insane ones that matter the most.

My favorite cake recipe

For those of you that have read my blog before, you may have noticed that I don't post with a high degree of frequency. Much as I'd like to, I just don't always have the thoughts well formulated enough or when I do, I can't seem to find the free quiet time to put them in cyberspace. Part of the reason it takes me so long to post is that I tend to get an idea in my head and then spend days (weeks?) mulling it over until it ends up just the way I want it to be. That's definitely the case for this blog.

Close to two months ago, I heard someone use the expression "you can't have your cake and eat it, too." Of course, I've heard this expression many times before. But for some reason, it hit me as particularly silly this time around. The first thought that went through my mind was "Well why not? If I have it, why can't I eat it?" So I was going to blog on this silly expression and headed off to Google to do my research on the origins of the phrase. Turns out, this was not the original way it was written, and it makes a lot more sense after reading the background. (I was going to include a link to the origin, but it's not really important here... you can Google it if you're actually interested.) So, there goes my blog on the "having your cake and eating it, too" thing. On to the next topic. Of course, now all I can think about is cake!

Being a chocoholic (and an avid fan of most any kind of cake), I've been dwelling on "cake" for the past several weeks. It was easier to put the thought out of my head a few weeks ago when I was getting ready for a swimsuit-clad, week-long vacation. But, now that I'm back and have no intentions of putting on a 2-piece again anytime soon, cake is back on my mind. Of course, it just wouldn't be me if I let cake just be cake. What kind of blog entry would that be?!?

One of my biggest daily challenges is a balance between my work priorities, my family priorities, my house priorities, my marriage priorities and my self priorities. I love crossing things off my to-do list (in any one of these categories) though I've realized that at the end of the day, some of those cross-offs leave me more satisfied than others. Yes, this relates to cake.

My "standard" cake is yellow with chocolate frosting. I can always seem to find room for a slice of this kind, no matter how full I might be and a yellow cake with chocolate frosting is pretty easy to find... most every bakery carries one, they're not that expensive, and in a pinch, I can even find the pre-packaged ones that are so full of preservatives that they can stay fresh for weeks. Pretty much anyone can make one of these cakes, all you need is a mix, a few simple ingredients and a tub of frosting. Practice once or twice, and any dummy can do it. Quick, easy, and tastes pretty good.

Yellow cake with chocolate frosting reminds me of my tasks at work. There's no shortage of them, I can always seem to make room for "just one more," they're easy to find, and trust me, the issues that come up can certainly last for weeks. Good as I might be at my job, the "special" part, the part that might make me stand out from me peers, is not in the cake itself. It's in the way I decorate the cake... sprinkles, roses, fancy writing. I'm really good at that part. But the basic job? It's just like following the recipe off the back of a cake box. Practice once or twice, and any dummy can do it.

When I cross a work item off my to-do list, it's satisfying, just like yellow cake with chocolate frosting. Once in a while it's a little more exciting... say a "yellow layer cake with chocolate frosting and fruit filling in the middle" kind of an accomplishment. But all in all, it's just yellow cake.

Now there's strawberry shortcake... Yum! This is better than yellow cake, but I don't seem to get enough of this. It takes a little more work to make strawberry shortcake, and I feel that I don't have this nearly often enough. Strawberry shortcake makes me think of my house priorities, things like cleaning, organizing a closet, grocery shopping. Yes, I might be strange, but these things bring me great satisfaction. Crossing these "to-do's" off my list makes me feel like I've accomplished something important, like I've contributed to a part of my life that's important to me. I don't cross off nearly as many "house" to-do's as "work" to-do's, though they make me happier when I do find the time and the energy... just like making strawberry shortcake.

Now comes the ultimate... one of those really rich, fudgy chocolate mousse kinds of cake, the kind with raspberry sauce drizzled over the top and on the plate for decoration, maybe even some chocolate shavings on top. If you ask me, there's nothing better. These cakes are a lot more complicated to make. I certainly can't buy them in a box, they're expensive at the bakery, and you have to time them just right so they turn out the way you've planned. To make one of these, you really have to practice. This is the cake that, sadly, I eat the least, even though I love it the most. This is like my self, marriage and family priorities.

When my (almost) 1-year-old looks right at me and says "mama" or my 3-year-old giggles until she hiccups or says something amazing like, "Mommy, you're my very best friend" or I steal an hour away to treat myself to some Kat Time or my husband tells me he loves me and he's proud to be married to me and he couldn't be happier with the two beautiful children we've made... these are the rich, fudgy chocolate mousse cake kind of moments. These are the moments that require the most work, that you can't buy in a box and you have to make from scratch. These are the moments that require the most precise timing, the most effort, but in the end, are the moments you want to savor for as long as you can, and then recreate over and over again and again and again.

So here's what I'm thinking... why settle for yellow cake, or even strawberry shortcake, when there's this other, amazing fudgy chocolate mousse cake available to me? Why focus so much time and effort on work or even house stuff, when it's really family, marriage and self that are the most important and most rewarding things in life? It's a hard balance to strike. I have to work to afford the house. And without the house, I can't raise the family the way I want to. But why do I expend so much of my energy on the "other stuff" when that's not what matters most?

My boss reads my blog, so I need to say on the record that I have no intentions of quitting my job or slacking off at work. In case my mother-in-law is reading this, I also have no intentions of letting my house become a pig-pen or letting my kids starve. But, where all this cake talk has led me is to a much more conscious decision to focus more on the good stuff and less on the "average" stuff... to spend more time making chocolate mousse cake and less time settling for yellow cake with chocolate frosting... to leave work at the office and make every single solitary moment count with the people I love the most. Yes, there's always room for one more slice of the yellow cake... but at least for today, I think I'll pass on that one and save room for the good stuff. After all, I already have the best recipe... all I need to do is keep practicing.