I am Supergirl

A while back, Pepsi ran a promotion in conjunction with the Superman Returns movie, which included the big Superman "S" logo on the side of their cans. One night we had a friend over for dinner and he was teaching my daughter (who was not quite 3 at the time) that "S" was for Superman. After dinner, the two of them played Superman and Supergirl and for weeks after that, she would ask me, when she saw me drinking a Pepsi, if I was Supergirl, too. I was never sure how to answer, as I never quite felt like Supergirl... but to her, "Supergirl" just meant that I'd put on a pretend cape and pretend to fly around the house with her. To my little girl, I was Supergirl.

If you've read my past few blog posts, you'll know that I have recently quit smoking. This has been a HUGE step for me and though I'm only 2 weeks in, I really believe that finally, this is the time that's going to work for me. I was ready, I was motivated, and I'm doing it! Though I'm a perfectionist at heart and my own most critical reviewer (I always feel like no matter what I've done, I always could have done it a little bit better), I have to admit that with the smoking thing, I feel awesome about myself. There's nothing I could have done better, and I am so stinkin' proud!

This weekend I was shopping at my favorite discount store, on my way to the checkout. As I was walking by the aisle with the pocketbooks, I noticed a display of baseball caps. One in particular caught my attention... it was a navy blue hat with a big pink "S" logo on the front. Supergirl. The front of the brim was intentionally frayed in a few places, exposing pink underneath. Made the hat look loved and worn. It was a hat a young person would wear. This hat was cool!

I intended to keep walking toward the checkout, but I couldn't. I had to go see the hat. $9. Not bad. I picked it up. I tried it on. I found a mirror to see how it looked. I put it back. I picked it up again. Why couldn't I put this hat down? The debate started in my head:

"You really don't need another hat."

"But this hat is cute! I love this hat!"

"Superman? You've never even seen the movie!"

"I just got a raise and quit smoking. I deserve a treat. And besides, this hat is only $9. What's the big deal here?"

"Daughter is going to take this hat from you, you'll never get to wear it anyway."

"Fine, so if she loves it that much, I'll come back and buy her one, too."

I bought that hat. Of course, once I get started, I can't stop myself. I also picked up a $6 pink t-shirt to match it. Mind you, I've never really been a fan of pink. Too girly. But lately, I've been drawn to it. A few weeks ago, I even let Daughter (now age 4) talk me into buying a pink cell phone when I went to get my old one replaced. My sister just sent me a pink purse. And now, I choose a hat with a pink Superman logo, and then a pink t-shirt, too? What's going on with me?

So I take the Supergirl hat home. I put it on to show Hubby. I'm feeling pretty darn hip in this hat, I have to say. "You bought a ripped hat?" he asks me.

"Yes, I think it looks cool." He rolls his eyes, but admits the hat is nice.

I got thinking about it more and I've decided that this really is the perfect hat for me. Yes, folks, I am Supergirl. And not only to my 4-year-old. I am Supergirl to myself, and it feels pretty darn good. Though I've got some visible frays and scars on the outside, underneath is a beautiful person. On the outside I may be plain and not overly girly, but I am strong and amazing underneath. And right there in the middle, for everyone to see? Supergirl.

After quitting smoking I know this more than ever: I am capable of anything. I might not be invincible, but I know I can face any challenge head-on and nothing is too big to get through. I might fall down and get a few scrapes, but underneath, I am still strong and determined and yes, sometimes girly. Yes, I am Supergirl.