Kat's Key #2: Perception

Well, so much for posting the next two keys in the next few days. Ah, well, life happens. Better late than never, here's my next one.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I think it's always best to build relationships with people, I really think that's the key to success in life. It's true what they say, that sometimes it's really all about who you know, who you get along with, and how you interact with people. Of course, there are times that getting to "know" everyone, building individual relationships, is just not a time-effective or realistic option. Or, you have the personal relationship, and now you need a different kind or relationship. For the "quick win," I turn to perception.

Kat's Key #2: Perception

I've had co-workers comment about how in control I seem, how I'm able to take charge of a situation and drive it to resolution, that I'm able to motivate people and get them to do what I need them to do in order to get the job done. These people ask how they can also do the same thing.

Trust me, I do not always feel in control, I don't always feel like a motivator. The trick is not always to have a full grasp on the situation, but for others to perceive that you do. If you look like you've got it under control, act like you've got it under control, then others will believe you've got it under control. And if they believe it, then it becomes true.

Now, I'm not saying you should B.S. people. No trickery, no lying, no deceit. There's a fine line between taking charge and pretending to be something that you're not, that could be a detriment to someone else. However, there's nothing wrong with putting on a brave, strong, authoritative face and acting the part -- whether you fully believe it or not -- if indeed you can pull it off and get others to follow along. This is true for me at work in many cases, but is also something I use in my "real" life, too.

Just yesterday at work, I was facilitating a conference call with about 20 people. Out of the blue, one of the people on the call started arguing that the call was not necessary, the topics we were covering were not important, and everyone's time was being wasted by asking them to participate for an hour. Whoa, Nelly!!

I will admit that this call was for a project I haven't been working on for long, and the topics we were covering were new to me. I was following "the process" even though it wasn't an area I was all that familiar with, and I couldn't truly and with authority tell him he was wrong. However, I also couldn't be bullied or let this fight continue. Though I didn't necessarily disagree with his perspective, for the sake of the project and the order of the meeting, I also couldn't back down.

With authority, I explained the purpose of the call, the value it would bring and the objectives we had to accomplish. I also explained the risks of moving forward without this particular meeting and agreement, and asked if he was willing to sign off on all of those risks. Let me tell ya, I was completely nervous in saying all of this, but I put on my "I am the project manager" voice, spoke with confidence and authority, and by the end of my spiel, others were agreeing with me and backing me up. The man who had disagreed changed his mind, and the call continued.

I didn't necessarily feel in control of the situation at the time, but others perceived me as in control and therefore, I was.

Last Friday, my daughter fell at summer camp and needed stitches in her chin. Only 3 days shy of her 5th birthday, I felt awful for her. When I first saw her she wasn't bleeding anymore and the cut was covered with a band aid, but still, my instinct was to hold her tight and cry, that's what we do when someone we love is in pain. But, every mom knows that most times, we have to swallow the tears and be brave.

When the ER nurse took off the band aid and I saw the actual cut, the tears tried to make their way back. "Is it really bad, Mommy?"

I don't like to lie to my kids, but I was not about to scare her, either. "You have a big boo-boo, but the doctor's going to fix you up, good as new." She stayed calm, and I kept choking back the tears.

My knees were shaking so bad I literally couldn't make them stop when the doctor came in to start the procedure. But she could see me, so I smiled. "You're doing great, kiddo."

She was doing great. I, on the other hand, was not. I wanted to cry and scream for my poor little baby who had this giant gash on her chin and was about to get stitched up. I was not feeling brave, not feeling strong, but I tried to show her that I was. She perceived me as strong and brave and that it wasn't all that bad and therefore, she could be strong and brave, too. And she was.

Sometimes, you have to tell the inner voice to quiet down. You have to put on your game face. You have to be strong and confident and authoritative, whether you're feeling secure about it or not. If they perceive it to be true, then it becomes so.