On Monday, August 25, 2008, we will celebrate our students' 'independence' by participating in our very own Independence Day. Students will be dropped off at the front of the building and walk independently to class.
Sounds simple enough, eh? If you're the kid, maybe. But when you're the mom?!? **sniff, sniff**
Rachel did great. We hugged and kissed before we left the house, since I knew I'd have to pull up, let her out, and then keep moving. (There's a line and order to maintain, you know!) She had a huge smile and a big wave as she and her larger-than-life princess backpack skipped down the sidewalk and into the front doors where the principal was standing watch. I knew she was happy, I knew she was brave, I knew she was safe. She was certainly fine, but it was still all I could do not to cry the entire way to work.
There's a tiny little part of me that wishes she still "needed" me more, and I try to let that tiny little part be completely overshadowed by the joy and pride of knowing that I raised a good kid, a brave kid, a strong kid, a happy kid. But it's still really hard on a mom, ya know?!?
The past few weeks have been difficult for me. Rachel fell at summer camp and required 7 stitches in her chin. Then came her 5th birthday party, with 60+ people at our house. Then back to school, which was exciting and scary for all of us. Then at work, I had to let 2 people go due to the economic downturn, and have wondered if I'll still have a job by the time this year is through, for the very same reason. There's a lot going on, a lot to bog a gal down, and it's been hard to keep my head far enough above water to see the sunshine these past few weeks.
This morning, though, hard as it was to watch my little girl be so independent, I also realized that her independence was just the sunshine I've been looking for. I certainly can't take all the credit for her being so amazing... she has a great dad, a great extended family, and a great head on her shoulders. But ya know what, she's got a great mom, too. She's happy, she's healthy, and she's thriving. That's the brightest sunshine a lady could ask for, and if it means she's more independent from Mom in the process, then so be it.
So today, I declare Independence Day for both of us. For Rachel, it's independence from Mom walking her to her classroom. For Mom, it's independence from doubt -- doubt about if she'll be OK, doubt about whether or not we've prepared her well enough for kindergarten and all the comes with it, doubt about my own ability to handle my little girl growing up. She will be OK, we have prepared her well enough and I can handle this. I know I can, I know I can, I know I can... of course, I may be asking for support from another bag of peanut butter cookies.....
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