My Two Cents

This morning after I dropped the baby at daycare, I stopped for gas and went in to the mini-mart to buy snacks (peanut butter cups and Pepsi - breakfast of champions!). My total came to $3.78 and I handed the clerk a $20 bill.

"Out of twenty," she said. "$16.22 is your change."

Normally, I don't count the coins, just the bills. As she handed me my change, however, I noticed that she'd given me a ten, a five, a one and two dimes. Twenty cents, not twenty-two.

"Hhhmmm," I thought, "she just said twenty-two."

I wasn't going to say anything, but I happened to catch her eye, just in time to see her rolling her eyes at me as she asked, "Do you need the two cents?"

Well, that's an interesting question. Do I need the two cents? No, I don't need the two cents. Quite honestly, I don't even want the two cents. My purse is heavy enough. But aren't they my two cents? What was she going to do with them? There was no "take a penny, leave a penny" jar on the counter. Did she have a giant stash of pennies behind the counter? Saving for a rainy day? Was she out of pennies? I have no idea... I was totally stumped on what to say. She asked a question, was she expecting a response?

I thought about getting upset, saying something sarcastic. But, I figured if she was going to go to the trouble of keeping my two pennies, then admitting (sort of) that she didn't give them to me, then asking me the (rhetorical?) question about if I needed the two cents, then clearly, she wanted them more than I did.

"Nope, I sure don't," I replied with a smile. And then I left.

I'm fine with two fewer pennies... I just wish I knew what she did with them!

Good thing, bright red package

Lest anyone think I play favorites... I don't! Yesterday I blogged about my baby, Jessica. Today, I'll write about my other little girl, Rachel. My other good thing, in a bright red package!

During my first pregnancy, my husband and I teased each other a lot about what color hair our first born was going to have. I'm blond, he has dark brown hair and I'm not sure why, but we had a little "competition" going on which of our genes was going to win out. Here's how the delivery went....

I was at the hospital, doing "practice pushes" with the nurse when all of a sudden she shouted, "Stop! She's in a hurry to come out, I need to go call the doctor." In the 20 minutes it took for the doctor to arrive, before we could finish the delivery, the nurse tried to amuse me with small talk. "I can see a lot of hair," she told me. Of course, she couldn't tell what color.

When Rachel made her debut (only 4 pushes later after the doctor arrived -- God bless her for making it so easy on me!), the nurse announced not "it's a girl," but "she's a redhead!" My husband turned to me and said, completely straight-faced, "um, anything you need to tell me?" You could have heard a pin drop in that room as the doctors and nurses stopped cold in their tracks to wait for my response. If you know my husband, you know that this is just his sense of humor, he was making a joke. If you know our family, you know that his cousin has two kids with bright red hair, so Rachel fits right in. The red is not a mystery, we just never considered that blond + dark brown = redhead!

She's so much like me, it's almost scary. She's smart and thoughtful and most important, kind. She's sensitive and emotional and strives to make everyone happy. She's also organized and meticulous and she does NOT like it when her plans don't go her way. Yes, she's Mini-Me.

Rachel is almost 4 1/2 now. She and her sister are total opposites. Rachel organizes, Jessie destroys. Rachel listens, Jessica laughs as she does exactly the opposite of what you tell her. Rachel is respectful of what her father and I say, Jessica makes her own rules. Night and Day, Black and White, these are my girls.

Do I have a favorite? Of course not. They're both my beautiful, perfect, precious little girls. Do I approach them the same? Of course not. They're totally different people, and I know how to parent each according to their own personalities. I love them the same, but I mother them differently. Is that right or wrong? I don't know. But, so far it seems to work for us, so we'll keep doing it.

Here's another picture of my little redhead (who's initials are R.E.D., by the way... a total coincidence since we picked her name months before we knew her hair color). She's playing with her little cousin, who can't seem to get enough handfuls of her bright, pretty hair. Of course, Rachel takes it all in stride and loves how his face lights up when he plays with her.




You know, this post and my last both had "good thing" in the title, but that's wrong... the right word is really "spectacular."

Good thing, small package

She looks so deep in thought, doesn't she? Actually, she's glaring at her sister, who has run off with her ball....

This is Jessica, my baby. She's 19 months old and she's "too little." I realize I'm biased, but I think she's perfect. Unfortunately, her pediatrician does not agree.

Born almost 3 full weeks early, she weighed in at a healthy 6 pounds, 6 ounces. This put her in the 35th percentile for newborns, which was great given that she was early. This means that 35% of newborns are smaller than she was, 65% are bigger. She gained weighed between each of her checkups, but not as fast as other kids. She slipped from 35th% to 15th% to 5th%, where she remained for about 9 months. Then things changed.

From 12-15 months, Jessie-Boo gained only 2.5 ounces. This put her below 0% on "the curve." Great that she had gained, but she gained much less than her "normal" rate. The pediatrician said we needed to start checking her weight every 6 weeks instead of 12. If she continued to gain, even slowly, that was fine.

In the first 6 weeks after her 15 month checkup, she gained 3.5 ounces. Still below 0%, but a gain is a gain. In the next 6 weeks, though, she lost 9.5 ounces. That put her down 6 ounces in the 3 months from 15-18 months. Not a good thing.

The pediatrician checked (for the ump-teenth time) for a heart murmur, no sign of that. Blood tests were next. What a horrible experience, to have 4 people holding down a screaming, frightened little girl to get 6 vials of blood. I'll never forget her scream, or the looks on the faces of the people in the waiting room as we were leaving -- they were full of contempt and accusation that we'd do such a thing to such a tiny little girl.

Results came back: Nothing stands out. She was in the low end of the normal range on 2 things, but nothing worrisome to the pede.

Next, a urine sample. Yeah, right! You try to get a urine sample in a plastic sticky bag from a kid who wears diapers. We have tried multiple times, no luck. The next step is a catheter and I refuse to do that unless there are simply no options left.

Here's another picture of Jessie, taken last night. She weighs 18 pounds, 9 ounces, which is about average for a 9-12 month girl. She's 19 months. I use this picture because these are 12 month pajamas on her... you can see how big they are!





Am I worried about her? Actually, I'm not. Not about her health, anyway. We're not a big family. I'm just under 5'6" tall and on a fat day, I weigh in at 115 pounds fully dressed and soaking wet. My sister (who is 25) still buys most of her clothes in the children's department. My husband is the same height as me, and none of the women in his family are taller than 5 feet. I think that Jessie-Boo just happened to get the small genes, a super-high metabolism, and is just meant to be little. There are a lot worse things in life!

She has more energy than I've ever seen, she's a happy-go-lucky kid. She's cute and smart and funny and mine. In my eyes, she's perfect.

I'll continue to keep her on a high-calorie diet. I'll continue to check her weight and monitor her growth. But I'll also continue to know in my heart that she's just fine, she's just little. She's my good thing in a small package.

What I CAN do

Luanne had a "thought worth thinking" on her blog the other day that captures the essence of something that's been bumping around in my head all week, it was too perfect not to blog about it. Here's the quote:

"At some point in my life I decided, rightly or wrongly, that there are many situations in this life that I can't do much about: acts of terrorism, feelings of nationalistic prejudice, cold war, etc. So what I should do is concentrate on the situations that my energy can effect." -Jim Henson-

Last Tuesday morning, I witnessed a horrific car accident on my way to work. One car flew into the air, flipped over and landed on it's roof. Another literally exploded, and it was clear to me that no was going to walk away from that car alive. It was on the opposite side of the road and I was not in danger (other than cars on my side braking quickly and swerving in disbelief), but I saw the entire thing and I can't get it out of my head.


When I got to work, I did an internet search on our local news channel website to get information. I almost never watch/read the local news, because I find it just too upsetting. The media seems to thrive on tragedy, not triumph, and it depresses me. (Yes, it's us, the consumers of the media that continue to facilitate this, but I still don't like the "whatever sells newspaper or gets website hits" approach.)


On this particular morning, the main headline on the local news site was about an undercover police detective who was found shot to death in his unmarked car in an alleyway. A gang member is under suspicion for the murder. A terrible car accident (the one I witnessed) killed one driver and injured others. And of course, in national news, Britney's car was impounded.


When I read things like this, it's easy to feel scared and helpless. (OK, maybe not so much about Britney, but I'll make my point about her in a minute.) It's easy to feel like so much in this world is out of my control... so much tragedy, so much violence, so much to worry about. But then I realized, it doesn't do anyone a bit of good to focus on all the things I can't control in this world. The only way to live is to focus on what I can do, no matter how "small" it may seem in the grand scheme of things. So, this entry is dedicated to things I CAN do, things I WILL do, to take responsibility for making this world a better place.


Why was that officer shot? I don't know. The eternal (naive?) optimist, I believe not in bad people, but in people who do bad things. But why? Why do some people do bad things (like shooting a police detective) and some people clearly know this behavior is ludicrous? I think it boils down to one thing: Poverty. Yes, poverty. I think that if everyone in this country had a decent standard of living... enough food to eat, enough clothes to wear, enough income that kids could go to school and get an education (and therefore a job and an income of their own) instead of dropping out... that there would be a lot less crime in this world. Can I erase allpoverty? Of course not. But here's what I can do:

• When I see someone who is down on their luck, I can try to help them -- with an encouraging word, a few dollars, something to eat.
• I can donate unused books to a local school or library -- give more kids the chance to learn to read.
• I can put money in the bell ringer's bucket, or donate to a food drive or other charitable cause.
• I can donate time to an organization such as Junior Achievement.
• I can donate unneeded clothes or household goods to Goodwill or a woman's shelter, or other organizations that will make sure they get into the hands of people who need them.

Why did that car accident happen? I cringe to think about how easily it could have happened to me, or someone I know. Eleven months ago, it was me, with my baby in the back seat. Fortunately, the accident was not nearly as severe, but I still can't say "why" it happened. Can I prevent all car accidents? Of course not. But here's what I can do:

• I can do my part to prevent road rage -- allow that driver who wants to cut in at the last second to do so, while refraining from using my horn or saluting with a finger.
• I can choose not to use my cell phone while driving and if I must do so, always use my hands free.
• I can stop reaching into the back seat to pick up a dropped sippy cup or book. My child will not suffer from dehydration if they have to wait 10 minutes to get their milk back.
• I can drive at a reasonable speed, remembering that no meeting is as important as my life, or the lives around me.
• I can stop and wait when the arrow is yellow, not try to be the third car that sneaks in the left before it turns red.

And yes, Brittey. No, I can most certainly not change Britney Spears. Wouldn't know where to begin. But here's what I can do:

• I can refrain from buying publications that amount to nothing more than celebrity gossip.
• I can refrain from clicking on links to "news" stories about celebrities and their troubles. Website hits = higher ad revenues = more desire to write these stories.
• I can turn on the History Channel instead of Extra! while making dinner. There's just no need for me to see pictures of half-naked, drugged up celebrities. Who benefits from that, other than the pockets of the people who own those "news" sites and shows? Certainly not Britney's kids.

Yes, maybe these are little things, a drop in the bucket. But what if we all decided that we CAN make a difference, and all did just these few small things? And what if we got our friends to do them, too, and their friends, and their friends? Imagine a world with no more poverty, no more horrific accidents, no more celebrity-obsessed tabloids in the checkout lines? I like that idea...

The Year in Review

Happy New Year! I hope this meets you in good health, with great memories of the holiday season and bright plans for 2008! I had a good 2007 and I know that great things are in store for the new year. Here's a quick recap of my last year and some goals for the one which lies ahead.

2007 started with a bang... well, a crash, actually. In mid-February, my minivan was totaled when I was hit from behind during morning rush hour traffic. Praise the Lord, my 8-month-old daughter and I were both physically not harmed, though I admit that the accident took an emotional toll on me that I was not prepared for. I spent the first part of 2007 struggling with the aftermath and I didn't reveal to many people how hard that time was for me. Thank God for my wonderful, supportive, loving husband (Craig) and a small group of amazing, close friends who helped me through that awful time.

March brought the birth of our first niece/nephew, with Baby Derek arriving about 3 weeks early. I was blessed to meet him when he was just 1 week old, due to a business trip I was taking to New York City. In May, my baby sister finished her 7th (and final) year of college, with her Master's Degree in Counseling Psychology. In June, my own baby (Jessica) turned one and in August my older daughter (Rachel) turned four. Jessie had a big party at home in Florida, and Rachel and my sister had a combined party with all our friends and family in Upstate New York, where we spent a week visiting in August.

This fall, Rachel started pre-K and we were blessed with the birth of another little cousin, Justin, in September. On September 14, my life as a non-smoker began. In October, we were saddened by the passing of Craig's grandmother at the age of almost 94 and Jessica moved from a private sitter (family member) to daycare. We've continued to struggle with weight gain issues for Jessie-Boo, but know in our hearts that "just little" is a perfectly valid possibility. At the end of this year, I received a big promotion at work and we made it through the holiday season with only 1 major meltdown (1 minor one, too, but hey -- details!). My parents and sister came from New York for Christmas and my parents celebrated their 35th wedding anniversary on December 23rd with all 3 of their kids and both granddaughters. All in all, it was a good year, full of blessings and character-building challenges. I know that 2008 will be even better.

I stopped making New Year's Resolutions a few years back. I've never had much success with them and though the beginning of a brand new year seems like it should be a good time to wipe the slate clean and start anew, I think that change comes from within your heart, and the timing has to be when you're truly ready, not when the calendar page turns another year. Looking back at my goal to Be a Non-Smoker this past fall, no one could have told me that "today" was the day to make a change... I had to be ready, I had to be willing, I had to be able. Fortunately, that goal was met, and I feel like SuperGirl, pretty much.... but I learned (through dozens of previous, failed attempts to be a non-smoker) that you can't always make yourself ready when you're not. Every day is a new day and a new chance to make a change.

That said, I do have three goals for 2008, though they're more "theories for life" than actual resolutions. These are goals I've been thinking about and struggling with for a long time, but now I think I'm ready to take them all on.

1. Remain a non-smoker. This will be a life-long goal, but seems worthy of my list, especially for 2008.
2. Simplify. This means a lot of things, and I'm not attaching anything specific to this goal. I'm not necessarily out to reduce my worldly possessions by half or begin walking barefoot with flowers in my hair. However, I know that I'm the type of person (classic Type A) who will over-complicate things (unintentionally) or add unnecessarily (and unconsciously) to my own stress level, in a quest to have the perfect everything. My new goal is very Zen: Identify that which is most important to me and eliminate everything else.
3. Take better care of myself. This goes hand-in-hand with #2 and again, this could mean a lot of things and again, I'm not attaching anything specific. I'd love to loose a few pounds, drink 8 bottles of water a day, find a few hours of alone time each week to nap or read or do Kat Things. But, the goal is nothing specific... the goal is just to stop and think more about myself, about doing things for my body and my mind that take myself into account. I'm really great at trying to be SuperMom and SuperWife and SuperWorker and SuperEverything, and I always put myself last on the priority list. I have no plans to think only of myself, but this goal is to remember to consider ME in the equation along with everyone else, and give myself equal weight in my decision making process.

As 2008 gets underway, I hope that you find yourself blessed beyond measure and thankful in advance for the year that lies ahead... may 2008 be your happiest, healthiest year yet!