What I CAN do

Luanne had a "thought worth thinking" on her blog the other day that captures the essence of something that's been bumping around in my head all week, it was too perfect not to blog about it. Here's the quote:

"At some point in my life I decided, rightly or wrongly, that there are many situations in this life that I can't do much about: acts of terrorism, feelings of nationalistic prejudice, cold war, etc. So what I should do is concentrate on the situations that my energy can effect." -Jim Henson-

Last Tuesday morning, I witnessed a horrific car accident on my way to work. One car flew into the air, flipped over and landed on it's roof. Another literally exploded, and it was clear to me that no was going to walk away from that car alive. It was on the opposite side of the road and I was not in danger (other than cars on my side braking quickly and swerving in disbelief), but I saw the entire thing and I can't get it out of my head.


When I got to work, I did an internet search on our local news channel website to get information. I almost never watch/read the local news, because I find it just too upsetting. The media seems to thrive on tragedy, not triumph, and it depresses me. (Yes, it's us, the consumers of the media that continue to facilitate this, but I still don't like the "whatever sells newspaper or gets website hits" approach.)


On this particular morning, the main headline on the local news site was about an undercover police detective who was found shot to death in his unmarked car in an alleyway. A gang member is under suspicion for the murder. A terrible car accident (the one I witnessed) killed one driver and injured others. And of course, in national news, Britney's car was impounded.


When I read things like this, it's easy to feel scared and helpless. (OK, maybe not so much about Britney, but I'll make my point about her in a minute.) It's easy to feel like so much in this world is out of my control... so much tragedy, so much violence, so much to worry about. But then I realized, it doesn't do anyone a bit of good to focus on all the things I can't control in this world. The only way to live is to focus on what I can do, no matter how "small" it may seem in the grand scheme of things. So, this entry is dedicated to things I CAN do, things I WILL do, to take responsibility for making this world a better place.


Why was that officer shot? I don't know. The eternal (naive?) optimist, I believe not in bad people, but in people who do bad things. But why? Why do some people do bad things (like shooting a police detective) and some people clearly know this behavior is ludicrous? I think it boils down to one thing: Poverty. Yes, poverty. I think that if everyone in this country had a decent standard of living... enough food to eat, enough clothes to wear, enough income that kids could go to school and get an education (and therefore a job and an income of their own) instead of dropping out... that there would be a lot less crime in this world. Can I erase allpoverty? Of course not. But here's what I can do:

• When I see someone who is down on their luck, I can try to help them -- with an encouraging word, a few dollars, something to eat.
• I can donate unused books to a local school or library -- give more kids the chance to learn to read.
• I can put money in the bell ringer's bucket, or donate to a food drive or other charitable cause.
• I can donate time to an organization such as Junior Achievement.
• I can donate unneeded clothes or household goods to Goodwill or a woman's shelter, or other organizations that will make sure they get into the hands of people who need them.

Why did that car accident happen? I cringe to think about how easily it could have happened to me, or someone I know. Eleven months ago, it was me, with my baby in the back seat. Fortunately, the accident was not nearly as severe, but I still can't say "why" it happened. Can I prevent all car accidents? Of course not. But here's what I can do:

• I can do my part to prevent road rage -- allow that driver who wants to cut in at the last second to do so, while refraining from using my horn or saluting with a finger.
• I can choose not to use my cell phone while driving and if I must do so, always use my hands free.
• I can stop reaching into the back seat to pick up a dropped sippy cup or book. My child will not suffer from dehydration if they have to wait 10 minutes to get their milk back.
• I can drive at a reasonable speed, remembering that no meeting is as important as my life, or the lives around me.
• I can stop and wait when the arrow is yellow, not try to be the third car that sneaks in the left before it turns red.

And yes, Brittey. No, I can most certainly not change Britney Spears. Wouldn't know where to begin. But here's what I can do:

• I can refrain from buying publications that amount to nothing more than celebrity gossip.
• I can refrain from clicking on links to "news" stories about celebrities and their troubles. Website hits = higher ad revenues = more desire to write these stories.
• I can turn on the History Channel instead of Extra! while making dinner. There's just no need for me to see pictures of half-naked, drugged up celebrities. Who benefits from that, other than the pockets of the people who own those "news" sites and shows? Certainly not Britney's kids.

Yes, maybe these are little things, a drop in the bucket. But what if we all decided that we CAN make a difference, and all did just these few small things? And what if we got our friends to do them, too, and their friends, and their friends? Imagine a world with no more poverty, no more horrific accidents, no more celebrity-obsessed tabloids in the checkout lines? I like that idea...

Dirt under my rug

Like most houses in South Florida, my downstairs flooring is all tile. It's a beautiful big tile, a nice textured-looking beige color, laid on an angle. My husband and I painstakingly picked it out ourselves when we built the house. When we first moved in, we were so proud of our beautiful floor. Gosh, we'd done good!

Alas, it's four years, two kids and a black dog later. Furniture, a pack-n-play, exersaucer, baby swing, pink princess kitchen set and tons of other toys have covered most of this beautiful floor. It's changed (in my mind, anyway) from a "thing of beauty" to "one more thing I can't keep clean." Big messes (my husband lost a fight with a can of powdered chocolate Ovaltine a few weeks ago, I often tip over the can of coffee grounds) or anything that will attract those famous Florida ants (spilled milk, dog food, cookie crumbs) tends to get cleaned up right away. But the dog hair, dust, smaller amounts of sand and grass... they tend to linger until they accumulate into a "big" mess worthy of a true cleaning.

This past weekend, my husband and I did one of our least favorite chores... we moved all the toys and furniture, swept and vacuumed the whole place and then mopped all the tile. Teamwork, yes, and it goes much quicker. But still, I have a very long list of other things I'd rather be doing on a Saturday afternoon.

This morning I was running late to work (no surprise there) and I decided to move some laundry from on top of the washing machine into an actual laundry basket. Turned one of my 3-year-old's pink socks right side out and watched a pile of sand and grass land on my beautiful, clean tile. OK, messes happen, but we just cleaned this floor! I was torn -- it's not really a "big" mess (do I clean it up now?), but it's larger than a "small mess" (do I leave it for next time?). It's a medium mess, just big enough so that the next person who walks through the laundry room could easily drag it through the house, or add their own little mess to it, making it a "big" mess. What do I do with that?

My brilliant solution, given my time constraints? I grabbed a broom, lifed up the little mat in the laundry room, and swept the dirt underneath. Voila! No more mess! So I'm thinking as I do this, "Great solution, Kat! The mess is gone, it's out of the way, no one knows it's there but you and you can clean it up next time you do the floors." Perfect, right? But then I started thinking, "I wonder how much dirt I can sweep under this rug before the rug stops laying flat on the floor... until someone else realizes it's there... until my husband catches on that I took the 'lazy way' out and just hid what I could have easily cleaned up."

The dirt under the rug isn't hurting anyone, right? It's just a little dirt. But how unfair is it if my husband (who is a great partner around the house, and is just as likely as I am to be the one who cleans the floors next) is the one who has to clean it up? Why should he have to clean up the mess, when I could have taken care of it so easily myself? What if the pile of dirt gets a little too big, and my 3-year-old trips on the mat because there's a bump? Why should she get hurt because I've swept dirt under the rug? My house looks clean now, yes, but I know the dirt is there. Will I forget all about it? When will I come back to clean it up? Will I obsess over it? Will I tell people they can't come in, for fear of finding the mess, or will I let people into my house and pretend it's just not there, letting them belive my house is really clean?

This little bit of dirt that I swept under the rug this morning got me thinking... what other "messes" do we sweep under the rug? What else do we hide from others -- for whatever reason -- that we may or may not ever come back to clean up? Is that fair to ourselves, to our family, our friends? Here's what I mean...

I was in an auto accident a few months ago, rear-ended by a big pick-up truck on my way to work. My car was totaled but thank God, my 8-month-old daughter (who was in the back seat) and I were not hurt. "Hurt" or not, though, my mind had a really hard time dealing with it. The "what if's" kept going through my mind... What if I had been in our smaller car? What if my daughter was injured? What if I was trapped in the car and couldn't get to her? What if next time it's a semi and not a pickup that hits us? I was making myself crazy, wasn't sleeping, and was in pretty bad shape. But ask me about the accident? "I'm fine! We're both fine!" Dirt under my rug.

This went on for about a week, and I kept sweeping the thoughts, the sleeplessness, the nervousness under the rug. Looking in, my house was perfectly clean. But if you moved my rug? Watch out! Of course, my husband moved the rug first. (I guess he knew where to look!) He saw my dirt, he encouraged me to try to clean it up, offered to help with the mess... talk about it, see a counselor, something. But I didn't need to clean it up, he's the only other one who knew it was there, and I didn't have the energy to face that mess.

A few nights later, I had a nightmare that something happened to my 3-year-old. She's not the one who was in the car with me, but this is where my fearful mind was taking me. I jumped out of bed and ran into her room to make sure she was OK. I woke her up by accident. "Mommy, I'm tired." OK, maybe my mess wasn't "hurting" her, but it was impacting her in some way. So now my husband found the dirt under the rug, my daughter was about to trip on the rug, yet all this time I was OK keeping the dirt there, because my house looked clean.

I ended up opening up to some dear friends of mine, asking for prayers. I received overwhelming love and support and encouragement. I went to see a counselor. Slowly but surely, I was able to sweep the dirt back out from under my rug and begin the process to clean it up. Let's be real... there is still dirt there, it'll take a long time to get rid of it all. But allowing my family and friends to see my mess, my dirty house, was the only way I was going to get this particular mess cleaned up. It was hard for me to do that, but sometimes, it's the only fair thing to do -- fair to ourselves, and fair to the people who might get hurt tripping on our hidden dirt or have to clean it up for us later.

What's under your rug? What's the "small stuff" that can stay there until the next time you clean? What's the "big stuff" that's going to trip up someone else if you leave it there? What's the "medium sized stuff" that may be OK on it's own, but will accummulate very quickly into "big stuff" if you let too much of it pile up?

I've got lots of "stuff" (all sizes) under my rug.... some of it I put there on purpose, some of it I didn't. Some of it I know is there, some of it I may have forgotten about. I guess the only way to find out is to lift up the rug and look. After all, couldn't we all use a good Spring cleaning?