Kat's Key #3: Wisdom

I've posted about this one before, but it's my third key to life. To me, this is the most important one of all and if you can manage this one, you can manage pretty much anything.

Kat's Key #3: Wisdom

There's a prayer called The Serenity Prayer. Whether you're a pray-er or not, there's a great lesson in this one.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

You can read my original (longer) post about this too, but here's the abridged version. (Yeah, I know, this looks pretty long... you should see the other one!)

Sometimes, things come your way that you don't plan, you don't like, you don't know how to handle. These are the bumps in the road of life, the places where the path splits, moments that can trip you up if you let them.

Sometimes, you have to accept that they are what they are, and you have to move on. They can't be changed, they can only be managed.

Sometimes, they are things you can change, if you are brave enough. Many decisions in life are not easy, the path is not paved and straight, but you know you have to take action, even when you're not feeling brave.

To me, though, the key is really the wisdom to know the difference. There's no point in spinning your wheels and wasting your energy on things out of your control. Your time and energy is better spent accepting that it is what it is, and working on a plan to move forward. For the things you do have control over, stressing and being angry usually won't help, either. Your time and energy is better spent realizing that it might be difficult, but mustering up the courage to do the things which might be hard is the only thing that will move you closer to the resolution you desire.

The problems come in when you don't know the difference between the two. If you spend time trying to change things that are out of your control, you'll only end up frustrating yourself. If you choose to accept something that you could change if you tried, you'll only end up selling yourself short.

For every situation, look at whether or not you can "fix" it. Is it in your control? Do you have the authority and the resources to make it different? If not, accept and move on. If so, be brave and start the process.

I've found that in my own life, this is priority #1 in any tough situation. My stress level is reduced and my outcomes are better. I'm a happier person when I know the difference between the two and when I'm happier, so are the people around me.

Next time you're in a tough spot, assess it honestly before moving forward. Acceptance and Courage are nothing without Wisdom, at least not in my book.

Relationships. Perception. Wisdom. These are the key to my life. What are yours?

The Wisdom to know the difference

I was walking down the hallway at work last week, when out of nowhere The Serenity Prayer came to me. I wasn't sure why at the time, but it's been running through my head over and over again, and I've finally figured out why God sent it my way.

If you're not familiar with the prayer, you can find the full, original version here, which was written by Reinhold Niebuhr. The most well-known (albeit abridged) version, I think, is this one, which I've known since I was a child:

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Back in November, I got a promotion at work. Before this promotion, I was constantly stressed out. Too much work to get done in a day, a long commute (60 miles each way), plus two kids, a home, a husband and a dog who never got as much attention as I wanted them to have. I felt like no matter what I did or how hard I worked, I could never finish my to-do list, never leave the office feeling like I could really stop thinking about work and focus only on my family.

When the promotion came along, I was excited yet nervous. Though I'd been informally serving as a mentor to many people on my team, I was now formally "responsible" for a team of 15 people. All of them would now come to me for advice, support, guidance, problem resolution, escalation, and I had no one to send them to but myself. I love my team and I enjoy the "people part" of my job more than anything else... but to continue my current project workload plus take on a team of fifteen plus have full responsibility for the relationship with our client... wow! That's enough to overwhelm anyone, me thinks.

A few weeks into the job, I was talking with my predecessor and former boss. He asked how it was going and oddly, much as I had on my plate... I was good! Truly, honestly good! He knew I was an "always stressed out" kind of person and I he was surprised at how much more relaxed I was, even with all the new responsibility. To tell the truth, I was surprised at myself. That's where The Serenity Prayer comes in.

For as long as I can remember, my prayers ask not for understanding, not (usually) for a specific result... but instead, for acceptance of whatever situation comes my way and the courage to do what I needed to do to face it. Without realizing it, I was praying the Serenity Prayer.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change."

It doesn't matter if I understand why something is happening, I have to trust that God has a reason for everything. It doesn't do me any good to ask, "why me?" What's the difference? How does that solve the problem? What does move me forward is to recognize it, accept it, and then find a plan of attack.

"Courage to change the things I can;"

Gosh, do I need courage! So many times, the "right thing to do" is so hard, the decisions so difficult, the risks and consequences so scary. I pray for courage, to do what I have to do to make things right.

"And wisdom to know the difference."

This, my friends, is the key. Acceptance of what I cannot change and courage to change what I can don't make a bit of difference if I don't know the difference between the two. Yes, I have more on my plate than I can ever get done in a day. That hasn't changed. What has changed is my outlook and my attitude. I know I can't do it all, can't change it all. Instead of stressing out about everything, I focus on what I can do something about, and that's what I do. I know going in that I can't finish it all, and instead, I do the best I can with the time I have and consider that my accomplishment, not a completed to-do list. Acceptance and Courage are nothing without Wisdom, at least not in my book.