Editor's Note: If you live in a cold climate, you may not want to read this. I'm trying to make a point here and I don't want you getting mad at me right off the bat that in April, it's warm enough where I live to be at an outdoor pool party. If this is an issue, stop reading now and come back in a week or so when I've had time to post about something else.
I was at a pool party / BBQ a few weekends back at a neighbor's house. My 3-year-old was so excited to go swimming in their new pool, our first invite to use it. I was dreading it. A bathing suit in front of my neighbors? And ones I'm just getting to know, to boot? No, thank you, that's what my husband is for.
I get to the party, two kids, a husband and a Cocker Spaniel in tow, and we settle in the back yard. Our hostess, a wonderfully nice woman, asks if I'm going in the pool. "No," I say, "Hubby is going in."
"Not feeling up to a bathing suit?" she asks me.
"Not so much," I reply.
"Me, too," she says. "Didn't want to put it on in front of so many people." She pats her stomach.
"I know what you mean," I say. "Still a few more baby pounds to lose."
Suddenly, my commiserating friend turns on me. Her brow furls. "What are you talking about? You're so thin! I hate it when skinny people say stuff like that!"
OK, folks, I admit it, I am a "skinny people." A size 4, sometimes even a size 2. Go ahead, hate me. But understand that if you're going to hate me for being thin, I'll have to find something to hate you for, too. The grass isn't any greener over here in Skinnyville, trust me!
Not only am I skinny, but parts of me border on scrawny. My ankles are bony. As are my knees and my elbows. My hips are at least 1 full size bigger than my waist. My waist, by the way, is too high. My skin is the color of paste. The only tan I've ever had came out of a bottle. I have stretch marks (sorry, "marks of honor") from the weight gain during my 2 pregnancies. The only way I can fill out the top of a bikini is if I buy it with the suit. My teeth are crooked and I hate them. So much that I decided 2 months ago that braces would be a good idea. (31 with braces? Have I lost my mind??) My naturally blond hair is now highlighted with gray. My pores are too big. My butt is too small. Getting the picture?
I might be thin, but I'm certainly far from perfect. Short of the Baywatch babes, I don't know that you'll find another skinny woman (or any woman for that matter!) that wouldn't change a thing or twelve about the way she looks. I'm no exception. "Skinny" doesn't mean anything except that my dad has a great metabolism and I inherited it.
Remember the old Pantene shampoo commercial, where Kelly Le Brock (the model with the gorgeous, thick hair) would say, "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful"? Let's try this... if you can get a tan, have straight teeth, nice hair or a chest, then don't hate me because I'm skinny. Otherwise, I'll just have to blog about you behind your back.
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Friday, April 6, 2007
What's wrong with women?
The dress code where I work is "business casual." Depending on the weather, what kind of mood I'm in, how many times I've hit snooze and what's clean, my outfits for work can range from khakis and a fancy t-shirt to a suit. I give very little thought to what I wear to the office, I just try to make sure it's not too short, too tight or too wrinkled.
A few weekends ago I went to the mall. It took me at least twice as long to get ready to go shopping as it does to go to work. I tried on at least 3 pairs of pants, 2 pairs of shoes and half a dozen shirts before I found just the right thing. Had to put on jewelry. Had to do my hair. Not just the quick "pull it back" thing I'd do for work, but I had to bring out the hair gel, scrunch it, dry it, the whole nine. Then I put on makeup. Not just foundation and blush, but mascara, eye liner and lipstick. Then I touched up the polish on my toes. I didn't expect to see anyone I knew, yet I spent twice as long getting ready, trying to look good for strangers, as I do to go spend the day with people I do know at the office. Why? Because there's something wrong with women!
Yes, that's a pretty broad generalization, and it may sound offensive. But I'm willing to bet that there's not a woman on this planet who can honestly tell me they've never done this before. And if you tell me you haven't, I probably won't believe you. Maybe not all the time and maybe not to go to the mall, but you've done it to go someplace, we all have.
Why is this? Why do we do it? Clearly, there's something wrong with women.
I'm happily married. I'm not looking to get hit on while I'm out, or even for men to look at me. I honestly couldn't care less. You know why I get all dolled up? The same reason you do. Every woman wants to impress other women. This is a tough thing to admit, and you might be calling me names and denying this right now. But every woman wants to look at least as good as, maybe even better than, the other women. We want to walk through the mall and think, Wow, I look a LOT better than she does. And if you see someone else that you know is clearly better put together than you are, you notice that to. It's true! I'm not talking about being jealous that the lady in Macy's has the expensive new Coach bag or the giant diamond earrings. I don't care about that stuff. It's not about material possessions, it's about the self esteem boost you get when you're able to look at someone and say to yourself, I can't believe she went out in public looking like that!
You know what I mean. You've walked through a store or been at the park or just driving down the street when you see another woman dressed in something that you think is completely inappropriate. You've had this thought: Holy cow, do you see what that women is wearing?!?! There's a good chance you've even nudged the person next to you and motioned with your head Hey, get a look at that one! Can you believe it?? You might have even told someone about it when you got home. You are not going to believe what this lady at the mall was wearing!
Why? Why do we women do this? I'm venturing to guess that men don't do this nearly as much, if at all. The only time I can see my husband or my brother even noticing another man's clothes might be if the other guy was wearing a Mets jersey (sorry folks, we're Yankees fans!). So what's wrong with women? Why do we care?
Let me say, for the record, that I'm not talking about women being oppressed or feminism or women's liberation movements. I believe that I'm equal to men in pretty much all aspects of my life and have no trouble asserting myself as such to anyone who might think otherwise. I have a brain, just like a man, and though I show this daily through my actions, I don't feel the need to "prove" this to anyone. Moving on...
So why are women like this? I'll tell you why... Men made us do it! Yes, again, I don't believe that men rule the world and we have to do what they say. But for hundreds of years, men were in charge and women were second class, submissive citizens. It was our place and our job for so long to do what men wanted us to do, that we began to equate looking good (which was, I'm sure, originally done to please men) with our self worth. If I look good and I keep my house neat and make hot meals every night and take good care of the kids, my man will be happy and he will love me. This is not to say that women who are able to do that don't deserve a medal, by the way. I don't cook, I don't dress up beyond shorts and a t-shirt at home and my house doesn't get dusted nearly enough. Any women who can do all of these things is very high on my list of role models, for sure! However, I hope these women do these things because they want to do these things, and not because some man is telling them that's what makes them a worthwhile woman.
It doesn't matter a bit how you divide responsibility in your home. Maybe your full-time job is the house and the kids. Maybe you work outside the home and your partner manages the home front. Maybe you both do both. That's not the point. The point is, whatever your personal situation, you should be equal to your partner, period.
I totally get why single women, college age women and anyone else who's "out there looking" might spend the extra time getting dolled up to go to someplace as simple as the mall. But the rest of us? Why do we do it? Because for so long, men said we had to. And so much worse than that is now that women are, by all accounts, equal to men, and appearance is no longer the only available criteria on which to "judge our worth," we're still doing it to ourselves. We are perpetuating it! It stopped being about impressing the men and it became about impressing the other women. Sad, isn't it?
Here's how I see it. It's all about perspective, right? The next time you see a woman in sweats and a baseball cap in a public place, erase this thought: Wow, do you see what she's wearing? That's the best she could do? Instead, replace it with this one: Wow, there's a lady so confident in herself that she can wear sweats to the mall and not even care. She doesn't have to impress anyone.
Better yet, let's declare May to be "sweatpants and ponytails in public" month. Yes, you heard me. Instead of getting dressed up to go out to someplace that really doesn't matter anyway, let's throw on a pair of sweats, maybe a baseball cap, and stop trying to out-do each other. The first time might be difficult and you'll feel uncomfortable when you first see another woman who's all dolled up. But remember -- she's only dolled up to impress you, and you don't care!
A few weekends ago I went to the mall. It took me at least twice as long to get ready to go shopping as it does to go to work. I tried on at least 3 pairs of pants, 2 pairs of shoes and half a dozen shirts before I found just the right thing. Had to put on jewelry. Had to do my hair. Not just the quick "pull it back" thing I'd do for work, but I had to bring out the hair gel, scrunch it, dry it, the whole nine. Then I put on makeup. Not just foundation and blush, but mascara, eye liner and lipstick. Then I touched up the polish on my toes. I didn't expect to see anyone I knew, yet I spent twice as long getting ready, trying to look good for strangers, as I do to go spend the day with people I do know at the office. Why? Because there's something wrong with women!
Yes, that's a pretty broad generalization, and it may sound offensive. But I'm willing to bet that there's not a woman on this planet who can honestly tell me they've never done this before. And if you tell me you haven't, I probably won't believe you. Maybe not all the time and maybe not to go to the mall, but you've done it to go someplace, we all have.
Why is this? Why do we do it? Clearly, there's something wrong with women.
I'm happily married. I'm not looking to get hit on while I'm out, or even for men to look at me. I honestly couldn't care less. You know why I get all dolled up? The same reason you do. Every woman wants to impress other women. This is a tough thing to admit, and you might be calling me names and denying this right now. But every woman wants to look at least as good as, maybe even better than, the other women. We want to walk through the mall and think, Wow, I look a LOT better than she does. And if you see someone else that you know is clearly better put together than you are, you notice that to. It's true! I'm not talking about being jealous that the lady in Macy's has the expensive new Coach bag or the giant diamond earrings. I don't care about that stuff. It's not about material possessions, it's about the self esteem boost you get when you're able to look at someone and say to yourself, I can't believe she went out in public looking like that!
You know what I mean. You've walked through a store or been at the park or just driving down the street when you see another woman dressed in something that you think is completely inappropriate. You've had this thought: Holy cow, do you see what that women is wearing?!?! There's a good chance you've even nudged the person next to you and motioned with your head Hey, get a look at that one! Can you believe it?? You might have even told someone about it when you got home. You are not going to believe what this lady at the mall was wearing!
Why? Why do we women do this? I'm venturing to guess that men don't do this nearly as much, if at all. The only time I can see my husband or my brother even noticing another man's clothes might be if the other guy was wearing a Mets jersey (sorry folks, we're Yankees fans!). So what's wrong with women? Why do we care?
Let me say, for the record, that I'm not talking about women being oppressed or feminism or women's liberation movements. I believe that I'm equal to men in pretty much all aspects of my life and have no trouble asserting myself as such to anyone who might think otherwise. I have a brain, just like a man, and though I show this daily through my actions, I don't feel the need to "prove" this to anyone. Moving on...
So why are women like this? I'll tell you why... Men made us do it! Yes, again, I don't believe that men rule the world and we have to do what they say. But for hundreds of years, men were in charge and women were second class, submissive citizens. It was our place and our job for so long to do what men wanted us to do, that we began to equate looking good (which was, I'm sure, originally done to please men) with our self worth. If I look good and I keep my house neat and make hot meals every night and take good care of the kids, my man will be happy and he will love me. This is not to say that women who are able to do that don't deserve a medal, by the way. I don't cook, I don't dress up beyond shorts and a t-shirt at home and my house doesn't get dusted nearly enough. Any women who can do all of these things is very high on my list of role models, for sure! However, I hope these women do these things because they want to do these things, and not because some man is telling them that's what makes them a worthwhile woman.
It doesn't matter a bit how you divide responsibility in your home. Maybe your full-time job is the house and the kids. Maybe you work outside the home and your partner manages the home front. Maybe you both do both. That's not the point. The point is, whatever your personal situation, you should be equal to your partner, period.
I totally get why single women, college age women and anyone else who's "out there looking" might spend the extra time getting dolled up to go to someplace as simple as the mall. But the rest of us? Why do we do it? Because for so long, men said we had to. And so much worse than that is now that women are, by all accounts, equal to men, and appearance is no longer the only available criteria on which to "judge our worth," we're still doing it to ourselves. We are perpetuating it! It stopped being about impressing the men and it became about impressing the other women. Sad, isn't it?
Here's how I see it. It's all about perspective, right? The next time you see a woman in sweats and a baseball cap in a public place, erase this thought: Wow, do you see what she's wearing? That's the best she could do? Instead, replace it with this one: Wow, there's a lady so confident in herself that she can wear sweats to the mall and not even care. She doesn't have to impress anyone.
Better yet, let's declare May to be "sweatpants and ponytails in public" month. Yes, you heard me. Instead of getting dressed up to go out to someplace that really doesn't matter anyway, let's throw on a pair of sweats, maybe a baseball cap, and stop trying to out-do each other. The first time might be difficult and you'll feel uncomfortable when you first see another woman who's all dolled up. But remember -- she's only dolled up to impress you, and you don't care!
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